Behind Blue Eyes
by Drogna
Summary: Complete. Trip's past comes back to haunt him when a visitor comes on board Enterprise with a new mission for the crew.
1. Chapter 1

Behind Blue Eyes  
  
By Thalia Drogna  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own these characters, I'm just borrowing them because it's fun.  
  
Author's note: This idea came to me while watching Trip's ineptitude in combat training. Then I went to see Suzanne Vega and she sang "Behind Blue Eyes", originally by Pete Townshend of The Who but also recently covered by Limp Bizkit, and the song fits so perfectly with what I had planned, I just couldn't resist.  
  
This has nothing to do with the "Nanite Saga", I decided I needed a break before I wrote part three of that.  
  
This is set post season three ignoring the cliffhanger ending, I'm assuming it all worked out and everything got back to normal. Spoilers for pretty much everything in here but especially season three.  
  
Archive: yes to EntSTcommunity, everyone else please email me for permission.

* * *

No one knows what it's like  
To be the bad man  
To be the sad man  
Behind blue eyes  
  
– Behind Blue Eyes, The Who

* * *

"You really could try a little harder, Commander," said Reed. Standing in the middle of the exercise mat in the Enterprise gym.  
  
"I'm doing the best that I can, Lieutenant," replied Trip, who was currently lying in a rather undignified position on the floor where he'd just been thrown by Reed.  
  
"I saw how Corporal Cole threw you onto that mat during our training sessions with the MACOs. Do you really want her to be able to throw you around like a rag doll?" asked Reed.  
  
"To be honest, I wasn't complaining," said Trip, smiling mischievously.  
  
"That's not exactly the point," said Reed. "You should at least be able to defend yourself properly."  
  
"Hey, I do alright," said Trip.  
  
"Yes, but "alright" could get you killed," said Reed.  
  
"Okay, Malcolm. Let's go over it again," he said and pulled himself up off the mat. Reed showed Trip the blocking move again that he'd been trying to get Trip to perfect. So far the Commander wasn't doing very well at learning the move. Reed had been a little over-zealous on his last attack and sent Trip sprawling onto the floor. However the Lieutenant wasn't about to be deterred by a small set back and he persevered, this move could well save his friend's life and maybe those of anyone he was with. Finally after another hour of falling flat on his ass, the Chief Engineer had conquered the move and Reed was prepared to call it a day, feeling that they'd accomplished something.  
  
"So tomorrow we're working on target practice, right?" asked Trip.  
  
"Yes, that's right. At least you're normally better at that than hand to hand combat," said Reed, with some slight exasperation.  
  
"Well, they don't usually expect Engineers to have to fight," said Trip. "All the training I got was the basic self defence stuff they teach everyone. It's your job to be good at this stuff, Malcolm. Exactly how many times has anyone beaten you in a fair fight recently?"  
  
"Never, although Major Hayes came close," said Reed, and then added quietly, "he was a good soldier."  
  
"Yeah, he was and he brought Hoshi back safe and sound." There was a pause as both men remembered their colleague. "Want to get some dinner with me, Malcolm?" asked Trip as they wandered back towards their quarters.  
  
Reed recognised Trip's attempt to lighten the mood. "Why not," said Reed.

* * *

A third of Enterprise's crew had joined them after they had docked at Jupiter station and at least in Engineering, it was taking a little while for them to get settled in. That meant extra work for everyone else and Trip had been having a hell of a day. It was already two hours past the end of his shift and he was just wondering if he could get out of target practice with Malcolm in order to concentrate on the engine, when the com sounded. He was being called to the bridge. It had already been a long day and he was more than a little tired, but he made his way to the turbo lift and on to the bridge.  
  
"What's up Captain?" he asked as he approached the gathering in the situation room.  
  
"We've been asked to change course and rendezvous with Endeavour," said Archer.  
  
"The NX-02? They've only been out of space dock for a couple of weeks," said Trip. "They can't be in trouble already."  
  
"They are not in trouble," said T'Pol. "They have a passenger for Enterprise."  
  
"A passenger?" asked Reed.  
  
"Yes, a Colonel Darwin of the MACOs," said T'Pol. No one noticed Trip stiffen slightly at the name.  
  
"MACOs?" said Reed. "I thought the decision was that Enterprise no longer needed a military contingent on board."  
  
"Apparently Colonel Darwin has a mission for Enterprise. We're to rendezvous with Endeavour and then proceed on to a destination which will be supplied by the Colonel," said Archer.  
  
"Why can't Endeavour do it?" asked Trip, slightly more abruptly than he'd meant to.  
  
"Apparently only Enterprise will do," said Archer, giving Trip a look which meant he was wondering why Trip looked so nervous. "And we're not doing anything urgent at the moment. I guess the survey of that binary star system will just have to wait."  
  
Trip had a sinking feeling that he knew exactly why only Enterprise would do and it was going to cause him a lot of trouble.  
  
"I really don't like this, sir," said Reed. "Why won't he give us the details of the destination now?"  
  
"Apparently the mission is of a highly sensitive nature and they didn't want to broadcast more details than necessary over the sub-space relay," said Archer. "We'll know soon enough where we're going Lieutenant."

* * *

It took Enterprise two days to reach the designated rendezvous co- ordinates. Endeavour was waiting for them when they arrived before it headed away to its own mission. Trip had spent the two days wondering what he was going to do. He didn't think that there could be two Colonel Darwins in the MACOs and, if this man was who he thought he was, he'd hoped never to see him again.  
  
As soon as he met the Colonel everyone was going to know that they'd met before and then there would be questions. Trip had better think up some damn good answers that would fool a security officer as vigilant as Malcolm and his best friend of ten years. Both Reed and Archer were getting uncannily good at spotting when he was being economical with the truth. He hated this lying but there wasn't much he could do about that.  
  
He waited with Captain Archer apprehensively for the Colonel's shuttle to dock.  
  
The Colonel was a man of about fifty with greying hair and the build of a military man. He wore a MACO uniform which bore the insignia of his rank and more than a few medal ribbons.  
  
"Colonel Darwin, a pleasure to meet you," said Captain Archer, shaking hands with the officer in front of him.  
  
"Captain, permission to come aboard, sir," said the Colonel.  
  
"Permission granted. Allow me to introduce my officers. Sub-commander T'Pol, my Science Officer. Lieutenant Reed, my Tactical Officer and this is Commander Tucker, my Chief Engineer."  
  
Trip decided that there was only one way to do this and that was to get it over with. He snapped off a salute. "Colonel, sir."  
  
"At ease, Commander," replied Colonel Darwin, returning the salute.  
  
"Sir," replied Trip.  
  
"That's more saluting than you ever did under my command," said Colonel Darwin, with a slight smile on his lips.  
  
"It's been a long time, sir," said Trip and held out his hand, which was shaken warmly by the Colonel.  
  
"It certainly has, Commander," said the Colonel.  
  
"I take it that you two know each other," said Archer. "Why didn't you say something, Trip?" Archer didn't know what had shaken him more, the salute, or the simple fact that Trip hadn't told him that he knew the Colonel. They hadn't really talked about the up coming mission but it was very odd that Trip wouldn't have even mentioned the possibility that he knew the Colonel.  
  
"Well I wasn't entirely sure that this was the same Colonel Darwin," said Trip, hoping that Archer wouldn't question him too closely on this.  
  
"The Commander served under my command for three years. We were both in the Special Projects Unit. That was over ten years ago now though. You're lucky to have him, Captain, he's a fine Engineer," said Darwin.  
  
"Thank you, sir," said Trip, blushing slightly at the compliment.  
  
"Special Projects Unit?" asked Archer.  
  
"Yeah, it was an combined-forces unit, we were based on Mars colony," said Trip.  
  
"Perhaps Trip could show you to your room," said Archer, "I'm sure you two would like to catch up."  
  
"Unfortunately as much as I'd like to continue this re-union, my mission is urgent. I need to brief you immediately about the situation," said Darwin.  
  
"Okay, let's go to my ready room, everyone else is dismissed," said Archer, handing the Colonel's bags to a waiting crewman.

* * *

Archer offered Darwin coffee when they got to the ready room, but the Colonel declined.  
  
"I would like to say that it's an honour and a privilege to be working with you and your crew Captain," said Darwin. "When I heard what you went through to save Earth, I couldn't believe it."  
  
"Thank you, Colonel. It was a tough few months. Although I noticed that your record is impressive as well," said Archer "So tell me about how we can help you."  
  
"Unfortunately this situation is very sensitive and I am only authorised to give you a limited amount of information. My orders are to proceed to Deneb IV. We lost contact with the Earth Survey Ship Venture about a week ago now and I have reason to believe they came across something interesting," said Darwin. He handed Archer a padd. "This is the confirmation of my authority from Admiral Forrest."  
  
"That seems to be in order," said Archer as he looked at the padd. "What do you think they found?"  
  
"That is classified," said Darwin.  
  
"Classified?" asked Archer.  
  
"Yes, Captain. I'm sorry but I can't give you any more details," said Darwin.  
  
"What can you tell me?" asked Archer.  
  
"I guess I'd best start at the beginning. The ESS Venture was making a routine sweep of the sector when it encountered mechanical trouble and had to make a detour. Deneb IV was the nearest planet with a breathable atmosphere. They detected an alien ship crashed on the surface of the planet."  
  
"What kind of alien ship?" asked Archer.  
  
"That's what we're not sure about," said Darwin. "But if the information we've received is correct then there is the possibility that it could be a very important discovery and we definitely don't want the Klingons to get there first. Anyway, the last we heard from them was that they were going down to the surface to make repairs and for a look at this alien ship. Then we lost contact with them."  
  
"What else can you tell me?" asked Archer.  
  
"Not much, I'm afraid," said Darwin. "I will tell you more if I can, as and when it becomes relevant. There is one thing that I must make clear, I am in command once we reach Deneb IV and I expect your full co-operation once my part of this mission has begun."  
  
"You'll have it," said Archer.  
  
"I know, but it has to be said," replied Darwin.  
  
"I understand," said Archer. "Why did you need it to be Enterprise for this mission?"  
  
"Because besides myself, there's only one other person who knows more about what we believe is on that planet and that person is on Enterprise," said Darwin.  
  
"Who would that be?" asked Archer.  
  
"Commander Tucker," said Darwin. 


	2. Chapter 2

Behind Blue Eyes  
  
By Thalia Drogna

* * *

No one knows what it's like  
To be hated  
To be fated  
To only telling lies.  
  
– Behind Blue Eyes, The Who

* * *

Archer tried to get more information out of Colonel Darwin but all he would say was that Trip had experience of working with this particular alien technology. Everything else that Archer asked was met with the same reply: classified. Archer was getting very fed up with that word. There was nothing more that they could do until they reached the planet so he did the only other thing that he could think of and called Trip to his ready room.  
  
"Captain, what can I do for you?" asked the Engineer. He was smiling but it definitely had a nervous edge to it.  
  
"Take a seat, Trip," said Archer. By his tone, Trip could tell he was in for a grilling and he sat down with apprehension. "I've been going over your service record. It mentions that you were assigned to the Engineering Research facility on Mars Colony but I can't find any mention of you being part of the Special Projects Unit. Hell, I've never even heard of this Special Projects Unit."  
  
"That's because it doesn't exist anymore," said Trip.  
  
"I know, I looked it up. It was a combined-forces unit based on Mars colony. That's all I can find out about it. It doesn't say what it did and it doesn't say what kind of unit it was. Which means only one thing," said Archer.  
  
Trip interrupted him. "Captain, if you know what it means then you know I can't tell you anything about what I did in Special Projects."  
  
"I know, it's classified." asked Archer. "What on Earth were you doing that my clearance isn't good enough?"  
  
Trip gave Archer a look which said it all, there was a lot more to this than he was being told. "I'm sorry, but I can't say anything about what I was doing," replied Trip.  
  
"Colonel Darwin is a MACO Colonel. What was he doing in charge of Star Fleet personnel?"  
  
"Originally it was purely a MACO unit. I was seconded to the Special Projects Unit from the Engineering division," said Trip. "It was only meant to be a temporary assignment, but it ended up being for three years."  
  
"Why didn't you ever tell me that you served with the MACOs? It could have helped smooth out some of the relations with the MACOs while we were in the Expanse," said Archer.  
  
"I don't like to talk about the Special Projects Unit if I can help it, it raises a lot of questions that I can't answer. It's just easier if I don't mention it. I mean, you can see what happens. People want to know what an Engineer was doing attached to bunch of MACOs and I can't tell them," said Trip.  
  
"Trip, I know Colonel Darwin isn't telling me everything about the situation that we're going into and that could put Enterprise in danger," said Archer.  
  
"I'm sorry, Captain, but if the Colonel isn't giving you all the details then he has a good reason and I can't tell you either. He won't put Enterprise in danger if he can help it," said Trip.  
  
"I wish I could be so sure," said Archer.  
  
"I can't tell you what we did, but I can tell you that Colonel Darwin was a fine CO. I've only ever served under one better," said Trip, looking pointedly at Archer.  
  
"Trip, if you're trying to get out of this by paying me a compliment, it won't work. If Enterprise is placed in danger by your withholding information from me, I'll bust you back down to crewman. Is that understood, Commander?"  
  
"Yes, sir," said Trip.  
  
"You're dismissed," said Archer. He watched Trip go and then called Lieutenant Reed to his ready room.  
  
"Lieutenant," said Archer. "I want you to do some digging for me."

* * *

Colonel Darwin sat in the quarters that he'd been assigned waiting for the inevitable visit. He didn't have to wait too long. The door chimed and he called for his visitor to enter.  
  
"Captain Archer just gave me the third degree," said Trip, leaning against the bed frame with his arms crossed. "You could have at least warned me that you were coming."  
  
"Sorry, Trip, there wasn't time," said Darwin.  
  
"Well, sir, you'd better spill it. What you doing on Enterprise and why do I have a distinctly bad feeling about you being here?"  
  
"You always did have good instincts," said Darwin.  
  
"Seem to remember that was why you recruited me," said Trip.  
  
"One of the many reasons," said Darwin.  
  
"Don't take this the wrong way, but I really had hoped that I was never going to see you again," said Trip.  
  
"I'd hoped I wouldn't be here. How paranoid is your security officer?"  
  
"Paranoid, but not as bad as you," replied Trip. "He's thorough but we don't bug personal quarters if that's what you mean."  
  
"Even so," said Darwin. "If you wouldn't mind..."  
  
Trip sighed and pulled out a small black box from his pocket and flicked the switch. He placed it on the desk. "There, we can talk without being listened to."  
  
"I was just beginning to wonder if you were getting soft," said Darwin and then related the story he'd just told Archer.  
  
"Sounds fairly routine so far," said Trip.  
  
"Yes, except that the survey ship detected some unusual readings," said Darwin. He handed Trip a padd.  
  
"Hawking radiation," said Trip, his voice little more than a whisper. "From the crashed ship?"  
  
"Yes, and we both know what that means," said Darwin.  
  
"Damn, it's just like Faranor," said Trip.  
  
"Now you know why I'm here," said Darwin, "and like I told your Captain, you're the only other person who has experience with this technology. We cannot let this fall into the hands of the Klingons."  
  
"You got that right," said Trip. "What's the plan?"  
  
"You, me and a shuttlepod. We recover the technology and we get out," said Darwin. "No one else gets near this thing."  
  
"Agreed," said Trip. "I don't want anyone else put in danger."  
  
"I don't have to tell you what we need to do if the Klingons get there first," said Darwin.  
  
"I understand, sir," said Trip, a dark, cold look entering his eyes.  
  
"I'm really sorry to drag you back into this. I know that you've been working hard to put your time in Special Projects behind you. I've been doing my best to forget it all as well, but it is good to see you again. It does seem like a long time ago that I found you in the 602 Club," said Darwin.  
  
"It is a long time ago and you make it sound like I was a stray dog," said Trip, "I know that you'd already been checking me out for days when you came to the 602 Club."  
  
Trip had just started working at the Warp Three Complex and was newly promoted to Lieutenant. He was enjoying being on the cutting edge of the warp programme, it was probably the most interesting place in the world as far as he was concerned. He was climbing quickly through the ranks, he was already the youngest Lieutenant on record and was hoping to be the youngest ever Lieutenant Commander.  
  
He and another couple of Engineers were out celebrating his promotion and had been drinking for some time at the 602 Club. Being Engineers they were drunkenly going through one of the supposedly insoluble problems that currently beset the Warp Three programme. Trip had an idea about the warp coil that he thought would solve the problem, but his friends were less than supportive of his solution.  
  
Ruby was as usual waiting tables and between explaining his theory on warp coils to his friends he was as usual guessing the names of Ruby's children. Not that Ruby had any children yet, but she'd promise to marry anyone who could pick the names that she'd chosen. Trip wasn't sure what he'd have done if he had guessed them, but it was a fun game to play with a pretty girl.  
  
He hadn't noticed that he was being watched from the corner of the room by a MACO Major and Captain.  
  
"What do you think?" asked the Captain.  
  
"He's young, hot headed and arrogant," said the Major. "Just what we don't need."  
  
"He's also a brilliant Engineer and old enough to understand the realities of life," said the Captain. "His superiors only have good things to say about him and he knows how to follow orders."  
  
"That's Star Fleet, not the MACOs and it certainly isn't Special Projects," said the Major.  
  
"We need an Engineer for the team," said the Captain.  
  
"Yes, but not just any Engineer," said the Major. "And you still haven't convinced me that we need a Star Fleet Engineer or that it should be Lieutenant Tucker."  
  
At that moment one of the other groups of Star Fleet officers jostled Ruby and she spilled the tray of drinks she was carrying. The Commander that she spilt the drinks over was furious.  
  
"You stupid girl, look what you've done," he shouted. "I want to see your manager now!"  
  
"Hey, it wasn't her fault," said Trip, going to help Ruby clear up the mess of broken glass and beer. "You knocked her."  
  
"Are you talking to me, Lieutenant?" asked the Commander somewhat angrily emphasising Trip's rank.  
  
"Yes, sir. I suggest you apologise to Ruby for making her spill all that beer," said Trip.  
  
"And if I don't?" said the Commander.  
  
"Then I'll be forced to ask you to step outside," said Trip.  
  
"Trip, don't..." said Ruby. "It's not worth it."  
  
"The hell it ain't. He's being impolite and I don't like it when people are impolite to my friends," said Trip drawing himself up to his full height.  
  
"After you, Lieutenant," said the Commander. Trip began to walk towards the door but was jumped from behind by his opponent before he'd gone two steps. However his attacker's advantage was short lived as Trip managed to get in a couple of good blows before he had his legs taken out from under him. That was all it took for his friends to get involved and a full scale brawl to be started. Ruby carefully extricated herself and got out of the way of the flying furniture.  
  
"This should be interesting," said the Major, watching it all from his corner.  
  
Punches were thrown, furniture was broken, beer was spilled and at the end of it all Trip was left leaning against the bar wondering what had happened. Everyone else seemed to be either staggering for the door or out cold. Trip had a nasty black eye forming and was definitely going to be sore once the numbing effects of the alcohol wore off, but apart from that, considering he'd helped to start the whole thing, he didn't feel too bad.  
  
"Lieutenant," said a voice behind him and he turned around to see a MACO Major standing behind him. "You've got a nice right hook on you. I'm looking for an Engineer to work on a special project attached to the MACOs. If you're interested then come and see me tomorrow at 11:00 hours. My name is Major Darwin." And he handed Trip a card and left the bar, the MACO Captain a couple of steps behind him.  
  
Trip arrived the next morning for his appointment limping slightly and now with a full black eye. He'd argued with himself for the rest of the night and into the early hours of the morning as to whether he should take up the Major's offer. In the end curiosity won out. He needed to know what this project was. Nothing could have prepared him for the reality of Special Projects and what he would spend the next three years doing.  
  
He now looked back at the incident with some irony, knowing that five years after he'd met Major Darwin in the 602 Club he'd be drinking beer and commiserating with his current Commanding Officer on the destruction of the NX-Alpha. It had been Archer who had busted the place up that time. He certainly wasn't the same man who'd walked into Major Darwin's office that day, and knew to stay out of the fight this time. He could never talk about what he'd done for those three years with Special Projects, so he'd pushed everything down inside himself and ignored it as best he could.  
  
Except these things had a way of coming back to get you when you least expected it. Everyone thought that it was only after the Xindi attack that he'd had trouble sleeping, in fact it had been going on a lot longer than that. For the first year after he was back on Earth he didn't remember getting a full night's sleep. It had got better after that, but he would still find himself plagued by nightmares on a regular basis. He'd just about got over the worst of his insomnia when they'd got word of the Xindi attack. Lizzy's death had set the whole thing off again and made it far worse. If it hadn't have been for T'Pol he thought he probably would have gone insane. Luckily the only person who knew how bad it had really been was Phlox and he wouldn't say anything. Or at least he hadn't up until now, but Trip did wonder what would happen if the truth ever came out.  
  
"I've spent the last ten years hiding who I am from my friends," said Trip.  
  
"Well perhaps after this mission we can both finally put Faranor behind us," said Darwin.  
  
"It wasn't just Faranor," said Trip. "Every mission we went on involved something that I'm not proud of. I know why we did it but that doesn't make it any easier. And then what happened on Faranor..." He trailed off, unable to finish.  
  
"Antonia?" asked Darwin.  
  
"Yes, Antonia," said Trip. "We came back from Faranor, she didn't." 


	3. Chapter 3

Behind Blue Eyes  
  
By Thalia Drogna

* * *

But my dreams  
They aren't as empty  
As my conscience seems to be  
  
– Behind Blue Eyes, The Who

* * *

Trip left Darwin a couple of hours later after they had thoroughly gone over the mission specifications, taking his little black box of tricks with him. Another thing that he thought he wouldn't ever need again, but for some reason he'd kept the jamming device, and as the Colonel always said, you can leave Special Projects but it won't ever leave you. One of the first lessons that he'd learnt was don't talk about anything unless you can be sure that no one is listening in. So in order to make life easier and being an engineer, he'd built himself a jamming device. He was pretty sure that it blocked out any attempts at listening in and had put it through some extensive testing. When he'd been told that Colonel Darwin was going to be coming to Enterprise he'd pulled it out and made sure it was still up to date.  
  
Everyone thought Malcolm was paranoid, but if they'd known some of the thoughts that Trip had they would have realised that Malcolm didn't even come close to Trip's level. Many people had commented on how easily Trip made friends with some of the aliens that he'd met, no one had ever wondered why he went out of his way to get to know them. They just assumed that he was the friendly type. In fact he was more working to the mantra "keep your friends close and your enemies closer" because in his experience aliens usually turned out to be enemies. Every bit of information he gathered he stored away for future use.  
  
The only problem was that he was naturally outgoing, he _did_ like to make friends, and occasionally that became a liability. The cogenitor had been a classic example. It had started out as an attempt to learn more about the Vissians, as usual the Captain had welcomed them with wide-eyed enthusiasm. Trip played his part well, equally wide-eyed, but studied his potential enemy at the same time. Everything had been going well, he'd befriended the Vissian Engineer and his wife, but when he'd met the cogenitor he'd let his sentimentality take over and all he could do was watch as his good intentions turned to ashes. Another death on his hands.  
  
He really wanted to go and see T'Pol and talk the whole thing through while having a neuropressure session. He never would have believed it but she was by far the easiest person to talk to on Enterprise and the two of them now shared a strong friendship, perhaps more than that. His sleep had been seriously disrupted lately, ever since they'd got word of Colonel Darwin coming to Enterprise. However, T'Pol was a Vulcan and of all the people on board she was the one person he could never, ever tell about Special Projects. He could just imagine what her reaction to Special Projects would be and he wondered if she'd ever speak to him again. Why did this all have to happen now when the two of them had been getting along so well.  
  
There was no doubt in his mind that he was as the Colonel had said "going soft" and for that he at least partly blamed Archer and the crew of Enterprise. These people were his friends. Genuinely his friends. Archer had saved his life more than once now. Lieutenant Reed, who hadn't been taken in by his charm routine to begin with at all, had stopped him from sacrificing his life when it looked as if they were going to die in Shuttlepod One. Malcolm had called him his friend and coming from the quiet, reserved Lieutenant that had meant a lot to him. So gradually they'd managed to puncture the armour that he'd built up around himself and he'd almost forgotten about the dark world of the Special Projects Unit.  
  
There were no friends in the Special Projects Unit. You relied on the other members of the Unit but he would never have called them friends. After he'd accepted Colonel Darwin's offer of a special project, he'd been shipped out that afternoon to Mars Colony where he hooked up with the rest of the unit. His old Engineering division had been told he'd been seconded to Mars Colony Research Facility and that was what was going to appear on his Star Fleet record. He told the same thing to his family and friends and let them know that he might be out of contact for a while.  
  
Special Projects wasn't a large unit, there had been ten of them in all, including their newest member. He was the only non-MACO member and they didn't let him forget that he was the outsider. These weren't just any MACOs either, these were the best of the best. Each had been handpicked for their speciality. There was Carter, the weapons expert, Didier, xenolinguist, Arroya, the infiltration expert, Fenner, the pilot, Kanatova, their medic, Rush, the explosives expert, and Dempsey, the intelligence specialist. They were all crack marksmen and top of their class when it came to combat. Without exception they were some of the hardest bastards that Trip had ever come across, and that included the three female members of the team.  
  
He remembered that first mission like it was yesterday. They hadn't been told where they were going when they left Mars colony but they knew it was going to take three months to get there. That was how long they had to make sure that Trip was ready to face what they were going out to do. Once they were on their way, Darwin had given a briefing about what they could expect and it had finally sunk in just what Trip had got himself into.  
  
Trip didn't enjoy those three months, if he wasn't training with the MACOs then he was reading up on everything that Star Fleet knew about alien engineering. Special Projects didn't carry any dead weight, everyone had to be able to fight in any given situation. He was sure that the other members of the unit took special pleasure in making his training sessions as hard as possible, but he wasn't known as Tough-as-Nails-Tucker for nothing.  
  
One particular training session had been in hand to hand combat and he was being taught by Major Darwin and Captain Ellen Hathaway, the Captain who had been in the bar with the Major that night in the 602 Club and was the unit's second in command. Captain Hathaway was a black belt in karate and an expert in six other forms of martial art. She was the hand to hand combat expert on the team and could even beat Major Darwin in a fair fight apparently.  
  
The MACOs had very particular forms of style which they taught and it drew from several different forms of fighting. Trip was doing his best, but he wasn't naturally a fighter so it was taking him a bit of time to pick up the basics. He remembered Darwin and Hathaway demonstrating the moves and then he tried them out.  
  
"You cannot hesitate," said Darwin. "If you do then you've lost the advantage. I can assure you that your opponent will not hesitate to kill you given the opportunity, so you must do the same."  
  
Hathaway was graceful in her technique and certainly didn't hesitate. Trip was clumsy and really found it hard to get used to the idea that he might be required to kill.  
  
"This is Special Projects you're in now, Lieutenant," said Darwin, "not bloody Star Fleet. We're not leaving this until you get it right."  
  
"I thought you said I had a nice right hook," retorted Trip.  
  
"You do, Lieutenant, you do, but nice won't cut it. I demand perfection from my men and that includes you."  
  
Trip spent the next three months being bruised and sore from all the training but by the end of two months he was competent. By the end of the third month he was giving Hathaway a run for her money, even if she still ended up winning their bouts. And he was damned glad of all the training when they reached their destination.  
  
The Nausicaans had been preying on the shipping lanes for some time. It was an annoyance for the Earth cargo ships that made their way slowly through the star systems to their destination. The Nausicaan raiders would appear out of nowhere, attack the ship, steal the cargo and then disappear again. Recently however intelligence had got word that the Nausicaans were using a new ship, it was faster, had more fire power than their other ships and had been identified as a Andorian light cruiser. It was also causing havoc and was far more dangerous than the Nausicaan's previous tactics.  
  
Special Projects had been sent out to deal with the problem in their own particular way. Rather than simply destroying the Andorian ship, they were going to steal it, without the Vulcans discovering what they were doing. If the Vulcans ever found out about Special Projects then they could say goodbye to that alliance. The MACOs couldn't get the ship out on their own though, they needed someone who knew what he was doing with a warp engine, and only a trained engineer would be able to do that. Hence they needed Trip.  
  
As Darwin explained it, the plan was simple. The Nausicaans had a base of operations from which they launched their ships to raid the cargo vessels. It was built into a medium sized asteroid. The MACOs were going to steal the captured Andorian ship and then destroy the Nausicaan outpost, that way the Nausicaans wouldn't even know to come looking for the lost ship and they'd have sorted out the problem of the raids on the cargo vessels too.  
  
Everything went according to plan for the first part. They entered the base successfully without raising any alarms and then split into two teams, one under Major Darwin's command, to plant explosives on the outpost's generator the other under Captain Hathaway's command to get the ship ready to leave. Trip of course went with the second team who made their way silently to the docking bay. Even though they carried weapons they wanted to avoid using them if possible because of the noise it would make. If the station was alerted to their presence there was no way ten MACOs could steal the ship from the hundred or so Nausicaans that were on the outpost.  
  
The ship they were stealing wasn't big, it was only meant to take a crew of twelve and could easily be run by half that number. However it had big guns for its size and an engine which was supposedly capable of warp four. It was also much better guarded than their information said it would be. At least ten Nausicaans stood around the ship with weapons held firmly in their claw-like hands. Hathaway indicated to the team to take them down by circling around behind them. So far Trip had stayed out of the fighting, letting the experts take the lead, but now they were outnumbered he was needed to pull his weight and put all of his training into practice.  
  
Trip manoeuvred towards his target and hit the Nausicaan in the throat, killing the alien instantly before he'd even realised that Trip was there. It was the first life that he'd ever taken, but he didn't have time to dwell on that. He took his second target down in the same efficient manner and made his way to the entry hatch. He pulled out an electronic lock picking device that he'd built for the occasion, he'd put it together after studying the Nausicaan locks Star Fleet had come across so far. It cycled through all the combinations until it found the correct one and the hatch snapped open. He signalled to his team mates that he was in.  
  
"Tucker and Didier, find the engine room and get this thing working. When Didier's given you enough to be going on, we need him on the bridge," said Hathaway. All Trip needed was for Didier to identify the labels on the controls and then the xenolinguist would be doing the same thing on the bridge for Hathaway so that Fenner could pilot the ship.  
  
"Yes, Ma'am," said Trip.  
  
"Get going," said Hathaway. Didier led the way at a run to the engine room. Just as they arrived the ship shook.  
  
"What the hell was that?" asked Trip.  
  
"Good question," said Didier. "Didier to Hathaway," he said into his communicator.  
  
"Hathaway here. We felt it too. Be ready to get us out of here quickly, I'm guessing something went wrong," said the Captain.  
  
"Corporal, I hope your Andorian is up to scratch," said Trip.  
  
"So do I," muttered Didier. "Let's get to work."  
  
It didn't take them long to identify the controls that Trip needed, then Didier left him to figure out how to work the engine. Trip had never seen an Andorian engine before in his life and his reading hadn't exactly prepared him for it. All he had to help him was some schematics and an Andorian crib sheet from Didier for basic engineering terms. Luckily even alien engines had to have the same basic controls as the ones he was used to, that combined with his experience of solving engineering problems and his instincts were enough to get it up and running.  
  
"Tucker to Hathaway, we're good to go," said Trip into his communicator.  
  
"Glad to hear it, the Major's incoming and he has Nausicaans on his tail. They got into a fire fight after they planted the explosives," said Hathaway.  
  
"I'll be ready," said Trip. The next thing he knew they were taking off and he had his hands full with the engine and other systems. They felt the thud of an explosion as the outpost behind them was destroyed. It wasn't until much later that he found out what had happened to the other team. They'd been planting the explosives as planned when a guard detail had stumbled upon them, Arroya had been stabbed and Darwin had carried her all the way back to the ship while fighting off the Nausicaans. He had set off some of the explosives early to cover their retreat, that in itself had been extremely dangerous but it had done the trick. Kanatova said that Arroya was going to be fine but it had been touch and go as to whether she was going to make it at one point.  
  
When they were clear of the outpost Darwin came to find Trip in the Engine room.  
  
"Everything under control, Lieutenant?" he asked.  
  
"Yes, sir," replied Trip. "I need to do some more work to understand some of the finer points but I'll get us home."  
  
"Captain Hathaway tells me that you held your own out there," said Darwin.  
  
"I did what I had to," said Trip. "I guess it was worth it for this. She sure is a beauty," said Trip gazing at the warp engine which thrummed in front of him.  
  
"Yes, she is," replied Major Darwin.  
  
"I don't suppose they'd let me keep her," joked Trip.  
  
"Well, maybe we can swing something," replied Darwin and Trip hadn't really believed that he'd meant it.  
  
It was while they were taking the ship home that Trip suddenly found himself accepted as part of the team and invited to poker games. The Special Projects Unit didn't accept new members easily but somehow Trip had managed to integrate himself successfully and Darwin was damned if he knew how. Perhaps it was Trip's infectious enthusiasm for the new engine and his professionalism on the outpost that had proved his worth to the MACOs, but Darwin just suspected it was because Trip was innately likeable.  
  
Trip had assumed that the ship would be going back to Star Fleet Research and Development, but Darwin had other ideas. They couldn't let the Vulcans know that they had the ship so they couldn't take it apart at R and D because then the Vulcans would wonder where the ship had suddenly come from. They could work on it in secret, but they still wouldn't be able to use what they learnt. Darwin decided that Special Projects could make the best possible use of the ship, so it became their transport and of course they needed someone to keep it running. Darwin had invited Trip to stay and he had agreed. According to Darwin he'd only just broken Trip in and he didn't want to have to go to all the trouble of doing it again with someone else. So Trip became a permanent member of the Special Projects Unit and there wasn't a day that went by that he didn't wish that he'd walked away after that first mission.

* * *

Archer had asked Reed to find out everything that he could about the Special Projects Unit. Reed had protested at being asked to break into classified files and also at being asked to spy on a fellow officer. However Archer's argument that it was for the safety of Enterprise had appealed to the security officer in Reed and so he had agreed.  
  
It had taken him the best part of a day to crack the codes he needed to get into the classified files and then to find anything at all on the Special Projects Unit. What he did find shocked him to his core. He took his findings to Archer.  
  
"Special Projects was a MACO black ops unit," said Reed, handing Archer the padd with all the information which he had collected on it. "They took the jobs that no one else would do. Mostly search and destroy. Assassination of alien dignitaries who were unfriendly to Earth. Taking out alien bases of operations, that sort of thing. They were working in complete isolation, orders being passed down from high up in the government. Each member of the unit was hand picked by Colonel Darwin for their expertise in their area of speciality. If they were ever discovered then the government would disavow all knowledge of their actions."  
  
"And Trip was part of this?" asked Archer with disbelief as he scrolled down the padd.  
  
"Yes, and I'd say he's been lying to us for years about his combat abilities and probably a fair few other things. I can't find out details of individual missions, just broad indications, and I'm still not sure why they needed him, but he's listed as part of the unit until it was disbanded."  
  
"Lieutenant, we're talking about someone I've known for over ten years," said Archer.  
  
"I don't think that we can say that we know Commander Tucker anymore," said Reed.  
  
"He's one of the most upstanding, open people I've ever met," said Archer.  
  
"I think we have evidence to the contrary," said Reed.  
  
"I'm sorry, Malcolm, I'm just finding it hard to reconcile the Trip Tucker we know with the man that worked for a black ops unit," said Archer. "A unit which killed anyone that got in its way." He flicked on the com system. "Archer to Commander Tucker."  
  
"Tucker here," came the reply.  
  
"I want to see you and Colonel Darwin in my ready room in five minutes," said Archer, his voice devoid of emotion.  
  
"Aye, sir," came the reply. "I'm on my way."  
  
The two men arrived together.  
  
"Captain, Malcolm," said Trip, "what can I do for you?"  
  
"You can tell me why, Trip," said Archer, his anger barely hidden.  
  
"Why what sir?" asked Trip, genuinely confused.  
  
"Why you joined Special Projects, why you kept this information from me and why the hell I have an ex-special forces Colonel on my ship!" shouted Archer.  
  
"Captain, that information is classified," said Darwin.  
  
"If I hear that word again then I will throw both of you in the brig," said Archer. "We know that Special Projects was a black ops unit, doing jobs that couldn't be given to anyone else. We know the sort of things that entailed. Now answer the damned questions."  
  
"I recruited Commander Tucker because he was the best in his field as well as being young enough to train. I was impressed by his determination and intelligence, and his record spoke for itself. We needed an Engineer because we were stealing a ship," said Darwin.  
  
"Stealing a ship?" asked Reed.  
  
"Yes, it was Andorian," said Trip. "She had a warp four engine."  
  
"You stole a ship from the Andorians?" asked Archer.  
  
"Well actually we stole it from some Nausicaan raiders," said Trip. "Anyway the how and where aren't important."  
  
"Why didn't you tell me about Special Projects?" Archer accused.  
  
"Because I knew what your reaction would be. I'm not proud of what we did, of what I did, but it happened and I have to live with that every single day. But with the Vulcans holding us back at every turn it was the only way we could operate. If anyone had ever discovered what we were doing then there would have been hell to pay," said Trip.  
  
"Trip, how many Nausicaans died for that ship you stole?" asked Archer, quietly.  
  
"I don't know the exact number," replied Trip.  
  
"One hundred and twenty three," said Darwin.  
  
"We destroyed the outpost," said Trip. He could still see the faces of the two Nausicaans he'd killed in his dreams sometimes.  
  
"And how many other missions like that were there?" asked Archer.  
  
"Maybe a dozen," said Trip.  
  
Archer looked at the man he had considered to be his best friend up until a few hours ago. "I don't think I even really know who you are, do I?" asked Archer.  
  
Guilt weighed heavily on Trip's shoulders. He looked at Malcolm still sitting in the corner and then back at Archer. "I'm sorry, sir, there just wasn't any other way."  
  
"If Commander Tucker had told you about his work for Special Projects then he would have been breaking confidentiality," said Darwin.  
  
"All you had to do was tell me that you did some classified work. Instead you lied," said Archer. "Why are you here Colonel?"  
  
"I told you, Trip is the only other person who has experience of what we believe is on Deneb IV," said Colonel Darwin.  
  
"It was our last mission, before the unit was disbanded," said Trip.  
  
"Let's just say that it didn't exactly go according to plan," said Darwin. "And the less you know about this the better. If the Vulcans start asking questions then I'd prefer if you weren't put in the position to be able to answer them."  
  
"He's right, Captain," said Trip. "You really are better off not knowing."  
  
"I can see that I'm not going to get anywhere with this now, but this isn't the end of this. I want answers and I will get them. You're all dismissed," said Archer and he pointedly turned back to his screen. 


	4. Chapter 4

Behind Blue Eyes  
  
By Thalia Drogna  
  
AN: Thanks to everyone for reviewing.

* * *

No one bites back as hard  
On their anger  
None of my pain and woe  
Can show through  
  
– Behind Blue Eyes, The Who

* * *

Reed was unbelievably angry, but also bewildered. He couldn't believe that Trip had kept this from them for all this time, or that Trip, sunny, outgoing, naïve Trip, was involved with a black ops unit. He decided to go to the gym and take out some of his anger on the punching bag. He entered the gym and found the one person he really didn't want to see already there and doing exactly what he'd planned to do. Reed turned to go back the way he'd come.  
  
"You don't have to go on my account, Malcolm," said Trip, noticing the Lieutenant in the mirror. "I'll leave."  
  
"No, it's okay," said Reed.  
  
"You don't look okay," said Trip, undoing his gloves and towelling himself down. "I'm not exactly proud of myself for what we did."  
  
"You lied to me," said Reed.  
  
"Yes, you and everyone else," replied Trip. Wasn't the guilt already bad enough without Reed rubbing it in?  
  
"All those hours we spent in here teaching you how to defend yourself, was a waste of my time, wasn't it? I suppose you were laughing your head off behind my back," said Reed.  
  
"No, Malcolm, I wasn't," said Trip, completely serious.  
  
"Well why don't you show me what you can do, Commander," said Reed, his tone dripping with anger and provocation, deliberately using Trip's rank to remind him of the friendship he stood to lose because of his lie of omission. Reed went to the mat that they had been sparring on only a few days earlier.  
  
"Malcolm, I really don't think that's a good idea," said Trip, about to leave.  
  
"Well I bloody well do. It's about time you showed me your true colours, Commander," said Reed and he indicated to Trip to take up the spot opposite him on the training mat. Trip knew that there really was only one way out of this. He really didn't want to do this but he had already realised that Reed wouldn't take no for an answer. Reed's pride had been wounded and he felt humiliated, until they cleared the air between them it wouldn't be right and if that meant he had to knock some sense into the Lieutenant then so be it. Trip wandered wearily over to take up his stance opposite the Lieutenant.  
  
Right away Reed knew that something was different about Trip. First of all, his stance was perfect and Reed had always had to correct that when they had sparred before. Secondly there was a look behind his eyes that Reed hadn't ever seen in Trip before. This was going to be interesting.  
  
"Let's see what you've got, Commander," said Reed. He threw a punch and Trip blocked it. Reed was surprised but didn't let it show as he quickly went into a sequence of moves that had always taken Trip down in the past. This time it didn't work. Trip wasn't where he had been half a second ago and Reed was off balance when Trip caught his kick and suddenly he was on the floor. He righted himself immediately, not giving his opponent time to catch him when he was down. Reed knew that Trip had to have received hand to hand combat training but he hadn't expected him to be this good. This wasn't going how he had expected it to.  
  
Reed tried a different tactic, executing a perfect kick aimed at Trip' midriff, but again it was blocked and Trip moved instinctively to block the next blow. Reed's attacks were well executed and his technique was flawless, but somehow Trip was blocking every single one. And suddenly Reed realised, Trip wasn't fighting back.  
  
Reed decided that it was time to pull the stops out. He'd been trying not to hurt Trip before, just teach him a lesson about keeping things from his friends, but so far he hadn't landed a single decent hit. It was time to stop playing and get serious. He knew he was fast, he had the advantage of agility due to his smaller size, but Trip was definitely stronger. He attacked again, watching and learning as Trip deflected the blows expertly, gone was the slightly clumsy Engineer that hadn't even been able to master the basics last week. Trip was now graceful and fluid in his motions, with the instincts of a fighter.  
  
"Malcolm, we really don't have to do this," said Trip, stepping back from his friend trying to bring a halt to the fight.  
  
"Oh I think we do," said Reed, making a come ahead gesture with his hands. Reed was out of breath and getting no where. He was getting frustrated by Trip blocking his attacks but not attempting any of his own. "I know this isn't the best that you can do. At least try and hit me." Perhaps he could goad him into making a mistake.  
  
"You really don't want me to do that," said Trip, still in defensive posture. "I'm warning you Malcolm, it's really not a good idea to provoke me into something you'll regret." And then he added to himself, something that we'd both regret.  
  
"What's the matter, don't you think I can defend myself. I am only the ship's security officer," said Malcolm angrily. Reed attacked again, this time aiming at making Trip fight back. Trip had no choice but to take the Lieutenant down and as he did it the old instincts came flooding back. He just stopped himself as he was about to make the final blow to his friend's neck and realising what he'd nearly done, he pushed Reed away and pulled himself to his feet and made quickly for the exit, leaving a dazed Lieutenant Reed lying on the mat wondering what had just happened.  
  
"Shit," said Reed with feeling. For a moment that had been scary, Trip had looked different. He could have just told me. But then did I really have to do the Alpha male thing and pick a fight with him? I'd better go and find him. He'd been so angry with Trip that he'd forgotten about how his friend might be feeling. He obviously wasn't exactly proud of his time as part of the Special Projects Unit.  
  
Reed decided that the only place Trip would go was back to his quarters. He made his way down to B deck and pressed the bell. There was no answer.  
  
"Come on Trip, open up, it's Malcolm. We need to talk," said Reed, not caring who heard him.  
  
After a brief pause, Trip finally opened the door. He went back into the room and sat down on the bed, indicating the chair to Malcolm. Trip looked down at his hands but said nothing.  
  
"What's going on, Trip?" said Reed. "I suddenly feel like I don't know you at all. I thought that we were friends."  
  
"After what I just did, I'm surprised you even want me as a friend," said Trip, dismally.  
  
"Why didn't you just tell me?" asked Reed.  
  
"I couldn't tell anyone to begin with. It was all classified. We all knew that the easiest thing was just not to tell anyone who we were. As far as anyone else knew we were a special research team. When the unit folded that's what was on my record. Besides, it's not exactly something that you say when you meet someone. "Hi, my name's Trip and I used to be a member of a black ops unit." And I just wanted to forget about it, pretend it never happened, go back to being that naïve kid who didn't understand what he was getting himself into."  
  
"But why go through the whole charade of pretending to be inept in our sessions?" said Reed.  
  
"How would I have explained being that good? I couldn't go back to work at R and D after two years of supposedly being posted at a research station and suddenly be really good at hand to hand combat. Starship Engineers aren't taught how to fight like I can. Then I was posted to Enterprise and I knew that you would have recognised my style a mile away. I was trained by the MACOs not Star Fleet. It would have raised a lot of questions that I didn't want to answer." Trip raised his head to look directly at Reed. "You know you said we'd been wasting our time with you teaching me self defence," said Trip.  
  
"I think you just proved that I was right," said Reed. "You're obviously far better than I am."  
  
"No, you don't understand," said Trip. "I _was_ learning. I was learning how _not_ to kill."  
  
"So that's what you've been hiding all this time," said Reed.  
  
Trip nodded. "We weren't taught self-defence like you've been teaching me. We were taught how to kill, efficiently and quickly. We were taught to fight on instinct. Kill or be killed. Most of the time it's all I can do not to let that instinct take over. I've been fighting against it coming out for a long time and today I almost killed you. I'm not fit to serve on Enterprise."  
  
"But you didn't. You stopped yourself," said Reed.  
  
"And what if I hadn't?" asked Trip.  
  
"Irrelevant, you did stop yourself," said Reed. "You aren't that person anymore, Trip." He went and sat beside his friend on the bed.  
  
"Three months was all it took to turn me into a killer," said Trip. "And when I was told to kill I did it, without even a second thought, because I knew that if I didn't they'd kill me and that would jeopardise the whole mission. It's a terrible way to look at life, Malcolm and the scary thing was I just kept telling myself it was what we had to do. It's been eating away at me, all those lives we took, I took, and until this week I thought I'd finally managed to put it all behind me. I've spent the last ten years lying about who I am and trying to turn myself into the person that I pretend to be."  
  
"You've done a good job, I don't think any of us would have believed you if you'd told us you spent three years as part of a black ops unit. I guess I'm going to have to give up my "most dangerous man on Enterprise" title," said Reed.  
  
"Actually I think you'd better keep it. After the unit was disbanded I took an oath, I swore that I'd never kill anyone else, I didn't want to be that person anymore," said Trip. "There's a good reason why I usually stay out of the fighting. I'd rather be killed than take someone else's life."  
  
"What made you realise that wasn't who you wanted to be?" asked Reed. "And why did the unit fold?"  
  
"It was the last mission we were on, a lot of people died. Too many," said Trip.  
  
"More than died on the Nausicaan raiders outpost?" asked Reed.  
  
"A lot more," said Trip.  
  
"And this has something to do with what's on Deneb IV?"  
  
"We think so," said Trip.  
  
Reed looked at Trip as if he was about to question him further, but then changed the subject. "You know, now I have a better idea of your combat abilities I think we might be able to do something about re-training you."  
  
"I don't know, Malcolm, it's pretty deeply ingrained. I've been trying, but you saw what nearly happened today. Most of the time I try not to fight at all, when I have to I'm constantly holding myself back and you know how dangerous that is when you're fighting. If you think too much it gives your opponent a huge advantage. Maybe it would be best if I just gave up," said Trip.  
  
"No one on this ship gets away without regular combat training and that includes you. We're just going to have to try a different technique. And we'll start by doing a proper assessment of what you can do, rather than the show you've been putting on for us so far. We'll begin tomorrow morning."  
  
"Malcolm, I thought you hated me. I'm pretty sure that the Captain does," said Trip. "Why are you trying to help me?"  
  
"Trip, we don't hate you. We were just shocked and hurt that you didn't tell us who you are. It makes me wonder if you kept this from us, what else you've been hiding. It's going to take a little time to get used to," said Reed.  
  
"I understand," said Trip. "I don't expect you to treat me like you did before. I know I have a lot of trust to rebuild. You have no idea how much I regret not walking away from Special Projects."  
  
"We all have things in our past that we'd like to forget," said Reed. "I'm the one who launched the torpedoes at that lookout station on the moon of Azati Prime."  
  
"On the Captain's order," said Trip. "And to save Earth."  
  
"We still killed them. In cold blood," said Reed. "What I'm trying to say is that you aren't the only one who has to live with their demons. You need to talk to the Captain."  
  
"Yeah, I know," said Trip. "I'm just not sure that he wants to talk to me."  
  
"Well maybe you should tell him what's going on," said Reed.  
  
"Malcolm, I can't," said Trip. "Colonel Darwin is the only person who has the authority to give out that information. I can't betray him. There's a lot more riding on this than just my friendship with the Captain, or the safety of Enterprise."  
  
"You're not under Colonel Darwin's command any longer," said Reed. "You don't owe him any loyalty. He's the one who turned you into a killer in the first place."  
  
"That's where you're wrong, I owe him my life several times over and one time in particular," said Trip.  
  
"One time in particular?" asked Reed.  
  
"Yeah, let's just say he pulled me out of a really nasty situation," said Trip. "I may not agree with everything that he did but he was always real careful to protect the men under his command. On the first mission I was on, we were split into two teams and his team met a Nausicaan guard patrol. Arroya was badly injured and he wouldn't let anyone else carry her, he did it himself. And he managed to get the rest of the unit back to the Thak Tikh without anyone else getting hurt."  
  
"Thak Tikh?" asked Reed.  
  
"That's what the Andorian ship was called. Means something like Storm Bringer, or Storm Carrier. The Colonel thought it was kind of appropriate so we kept the name," said Trip. "The point I'm making is that wasn't the only occasion he saved one of our lives."  
  
"I understand that you think you owe him something, Trip, but you need to decide where your loyalties lie. You can't protect Enterprise and keep Darwin's secrets."  
  
"I think I can," said Trip.  
  
Reed sighed and shook his head. "I hope you're right. I just have one question," said Reed. "After that first mission, why did you stay on?"  
  
"One reason," said Trip. "The warp four engine. It was a real beauty. At that point we hadn't even reached warp two yet. I knew that if I could work out how it worked, where we'd been going wrong, I could push the warp programme in the right direction without the Vulcans smelling a rat. I was in communication with a lot of the engineers back at the Warp Three complex, or at least I was when we were on Mars Colony. They used to send me stuff about the problems they were encountering and I'd send them back my ideas on how to fix it. Nothing too obvious but enough that when I got back, it was less than two years before we had a working warp three engine and only another eight after that we had Enterprise. Without that Andorian ship, we'd never have got to warp five in less than ten years."  
  
"What happened to the Thak Tikh?" asked Reed.  
  
"It was destroyed," said Trip. No matter what Reed said, Trip wouldn't tell him how.

* * *

Trip was surprised when shortly after Malcolm left, Archer arrived at his door. Trip offered him a chair but he declined, preferring to stare out of the window.  
  
"You'll get out there some day," said Archer.  
  
"What?" asked Trip.  
  
"When AG and I were about to take out the NX-Beta, you wanted to come along and I said to you "you'll get out there some day." Except that I didn't need to bother, did I? Because by that point you'd already been out there," said Archer. "Hadn't you?"  
  
"Yes, sir," said Trip, miserably.  
  
"When I met you, I thought that you were aiming for the same thing that I was. That you were an explorer. Someone who wanted to see the universe just as much as I did," said Archer. "I couldn't have been more wrong, could I?"  
  
"You don't understand, sir," said Trip. "I did want to get out there and explore, even more so after what I'd seen."  
  
"You've spent ten years lying to me about who you are, why should I believe anything you say?"  
  
"Because the ten years that I've known you have been the best ten years of my life. The only reason I didn't tell you was because I couldn't. If I'd had my way then you never would have found out, but if I've learnt anything it's that fate has this great curve ball that she throws."  
  
"So you would have kept quiet about your past if Colonel Darwin hadn't come aboard," said Archer.  
  
"Yes, Captain, I would have," said Trip.  
  
"Damn it, Trip, that just makes it worse," said Archer. "How am I ever going to be able to trust you again?"  
  
"Look, I know Colonel Darwin needs me for this mission, but after that my resignation will be on your desk," said Trip, his tone one of someone who had seen this coming for a long time.  
  
"I don't want your resignation, Trip, I want an explanation," said Archer.  
  
"You don't?" asked Trip, not believing what Archer had just said.  
  
"We've been friends a long time. I won't pretend that I'm not disappointed in you or hurt that you never felt you could tell me about this. I won't pretend that I like what Special Projects stands for and I won't pretend that I can just forget about this and move on. Friendships are based on trust and I've just discovered that you aren't who I thought you were. You never have been. But you're still my Chief Engineer and I've never had opportunity to fault your work."  
  
"What are you saying?" asked Trip, his eyes were full of hurt.  
  
"I'm saying that you can keep your job, Trip. At the moment I'm not so sure about our friendship," said Archer.  
  
"Captain, the only reason I kept all this from you was because it was classified. I couldn't tell anyone. If you knew some of the things that I know then you'd have trouble sleeping at nights. I was protecting you," said Trip.  
  
"Were you really?" asked Archer. "Or were you protecting yourself and Colonel Darwin?"  
  
"I won't say that wasn't a factor too, but the less you know the less you can tell. I didn't ever want to put you or any of my friends in a position where they might have to lie for me. It's bad enough that I had to lie without anyone else getting caught up in this," replied Trip.  
  
"Just tell me what this is all about, Trip," said Archer. "What do you and Darwin think is on Deneb IV?"  
  
"You'll have to ask the Colonel, sir," said Trip.  
  
Archer shook his head. "Trip, I'm giving you a chance to make things right between us."  
  
"Please, Captain, don't use our friendship against me," said Trip.  
  
"What about Enterprise and her crew? You're letting them go into this situation blind," said Archer.  
  
"Sir, you just have to trust me when I tell you that neither myself nor Colonel Darwin would intentionally put Enterprise in any danger," said Trip.  
  
"Trust is a commodity that's rather thin on the ground at the moment," said Archer, and with that final remark he walked out of Trip's quarters.  
  
Trip sank down on his chair and put his head in his hands. How could everything have gone so wrong so quickly? Only last week he'd been looking forward to the prospect of studying a new planet, perhaps getting to stretch his legs under an alien sun, maybe camping out with the Captain and Malcolm. A few beers and some poker around the camp fire. That certainly wasn't going to happen any time soon. He'd be lucky if it ever happened again. He'd screwed this up completely, but he wasn't sure what else he could have done.  
  
Archer may not want his resignation but as soon as this was over Trip would be leaving Enterprise. 


	5. Chapter 5

Behind Blue Eyes  
  
By Thalia Drogna

* * *

If I shiver, please give me a blanket,  
Keep me warm, let me wear your coat.  
  
– Behind Blue Eyes, The Who

* * *

Darwin and Trip sat in Trip's quarters, the jamming device once more on the desk. This time Trip was pretty sure that Malcolm would be attempting to monitor their conversation. Even if Malcolm didn't expect Trip to give up his confidences, he would regard a little spying as fair game. The Captain might even have ordered it with their friendship in tatters as it was.  
  
They had been going through the readings that the ESS Venture had taken in the hope of spotting something new but in Trip's opinion there wasn't anything there to spot. After his earlier argument with the Captain, his mind wasn't exactly on the job either. He found himself between the proverbial rock and hard place. Darwin was one of the finest officers that Trip had ever served with and he trusted him with his life, the two of them had a lot of history that couldn't be ignored. Equally he couldn't think of anyone he respected more than Archer, if anyone deserved his loyalty it was the Captain and he'd proved that many times over.  
  
He had desperately wanted to tell Archer about Faranor and what had happened there, he knew it was the only way to even begin mending their friendship, but he couldn't go against Colonel Darwin's orders. Giving up confidential information was just something that an ex-Special Projects officer didn't do. It worried him that Archer was persistent and he didn't like being kept in the dark, which could lead him into doing something that might get him into trouble.  
  
"Archer isn't going to take no for an answer, you know," said Trip to his former Commanding Officer.  
  
"We don't have any choice, Trip," said Darwin. "If the Vulcans start asking questions then we can't have Archer giving them the answers. And if the Klingons get word of this..."  
  
"I know," said Trip, "I know. It's just that he's been my friend for long time and I hate keeping things from him. He's pretty mad and I guess I've lost his friendship for good."  
  
"I don't have to tell you that this is more important than one friendship. You know what will happen if we can't deal with that ship. Faranor will be nothing compared to Deneb IV," said Darwin.  
  
"At least Deneb IV isn't inhabited," said Trip. Other planets in the system were though.  
  
"Thank Ares for small mercies in war," said Darwin.  
  
"This isn't war," said Trip.  
  
"I thought I taught you better than that. It's always war out here. If it isn't the Klingons then it's space itself," said Darwin.  
  
"Colonel, I'm not Special Projects anymore, that was a long time ago. Enterprise isn't out here to destroy threats, it's here to make allies and explore," said Trip. "The work we're doing out here is the only reason that I can sleep at nights. This is my way of making up for all those lives we took."  
  
"When we stole the Thak Tikh it was to save lives, to stop the Nausicaans from attacking our cargo ships. People were dying. The universe isn't a nice place," said Darwin.  
  
"No one knows that better than the crew of this ship. I'm just saying that maybe we shouldn't be applying Special Projects tactics to a situation which doesn't need them. Earth has warp five capable ships now, we aren't stuck back on Earth worrying about trouble coming to find us," said Trip. "Things are different out here now."  
  
"You lost a third of your crew in the Expanse. Things don't seem to be that different to me," said Darwin.  
  
"The difference is that we signed a peace treaty with the Xindi and worked with them against the real threat. The person who made the difference was Captain Archer," said Trip.

* * *

It was still a couple of days until they would reach Deneb IV. Trip hadn't been able to sleep properly since Colonel Darwin had come aboard and it was beginning to effect his work. His relationship with Archer was more frosty than ever. The Captain barely spoke to him if he could help it and Trip was beginning to feel increasingly isolated. So he did what he usually did and threw himself into his work, he couldn't remember the last time he'd left Engineering. What little sleep he had been able to get had been slumped over a work bench. His stomach had long since stopped complaining that it hadn't been given any food for a while.  
  
A small voice told him that this was exactly what he'd done when Lizzie had died and it hadn't helped then. At least he'd always had his friends to help him through that, even if he hadn't always been prepared to acknowledge their help. Ironically it was the loss of that friendship which he now found he couldn't deal with. No one could help him deal with his nightmares this time. As Deneb IV got closer he felt the oppressive weight of his past transgressions baring down on him more and more heavily.  
  
Trip had finally gone to see Phlox. All he wanted was a sleeping pill, but of course the Denobulan wanted to know why. Trip didn't want to tell him all the ins and outs of his argument with Archer or let anyone else in on the secret of his past.  
  
"Commander, if you won't tell me anything, then I can't help you. I refuse to prescribe medication without the full facts," said Phlox. "If you're not sleeping then I suggest you go and see T'Pol and resume your neuropressure sessions."  
  
Trip had been avoiding T'Pol. He knew Archer would probably have given her Malcolm's report on the Special Projects Unit and he just couldn't face her. Neuropressure was out at the moment. He mumbled something by way of an excuse to Phlox and left sickbay.  
  
Phlox watched Trip leave and then went to the comm. "Phlox to Sub-commander T'Pol."  
  
"Yes, doctor," said T'Pol.  
  
"When did you last see Commander Tucker?" asked Phlox.  
  
"I have not seen the Commander for several days. I believe he may be avoiding me," said T'Pol.  
  
"Interesting," said Phlox. "I think he may require your help, T'Pol. Perhaps you could schedule a neuropressure session with him for this evening?"  
  
"If you think it is required," said T'Pol.  
  
"I think it is," replied Phlox. Trip had definitely looked as if he needed someone to talk to.

* * *

T'Pol went looking for Trip and was directed to a jeffries tube just off Engineering by one of his staff. She located him easily from the loud cursing emanating from the jeffries tube.  
  
"Commander," she said entering the jeffries tube. Trip was startled and hit his head on the roof of the tube as he sat up a bit too quickly, which elicited another curse.  
  
"T'Pol!" he said in surprise. "What are you doing here?"  
  
T'Pol took in the sight in front of her. Trip looked like he hadn't slept for a week and unusually he had a couple of millimetres of stubble growth on his chin. "The doctor asked me to talk with you."  
  
"He did, huh?" asked Trip. He didn't like where this was going at all, the last thing he wanted was people thinking he couldn't look after himself, especially T'Pol.  
  
"He suggested that you may require further neuropressure. I am off duty and you are meant to be. We could go to my quarters," said T'Pol.  
  
Trip looked at T'Pol trying to gauge how much she knew. "Have you spoken to the Captain?"  
  
"Yes, he appraised me of the situation, including your history with the Special Projects Unit," said T'Pol. She was her usual calm self and Trip wasn't detecting any of the revulsion that he had expected from her.  
  
"What did he tell you about what Special Projects did?" asked Trip.  
  
"He indicated that it was a Unit working on classified missions and that you had received training appropriate to that. This seemed to disturb him," said T'Pol.  
  
"He was talking about combat training, T'Pol," said Trip.  
  
"I assumed so," said T'Pol.  
  
"It doesn't bother you?" asked Trip.  
  
"It is unexpected, however I am familiar with the procedure of secrecy for covert operations. It would have been a break with procedure for you to have told us of your previous assignment," said T'Pol.  
  
"That wasn't what I was talking about," said Trip.  
  
"I understand that your work involved combat and that meant you were forced to take the lives of others," said T'Pol.  
  
"And you're still talking to me?" asked Trip, slightly incredulous.  
  
"Before I was assigned to Enterprise I was an officer of the Vulcan Security Directorate. I was forced to kill a fugitive that I had been chasing," said T'Pol. Her voice was steady but her eyes indicated just how deeply that had effected her. "It was some time before I accepted that there are situations in which I might be required to take life. It was the logical course of action under the circumstances. There are times when the loss of life is unavoidable. It was many years later before I was able to put the incident behind me."  
  
"But you did put it behind you?" asked Trip.  
  
"Yes, I was finally able to," said T'Pol.  
  
"I wish I could," said Trip.  
  
"I do not believe that you would be an ethical human being if you were able to deal with it easily," said T'Pol and paused for a second to see if Trip would respond. When he didn't she added, "We should go and begin our neuropressure session."  
  
"Okay, T'Pol," said Trip with resignation. They climbed out of the jeffries tube. He knew T'Pol was trying to help him but he just didn't think that neuropressure would do the trick this time. The single life that T'Pol had taken didn't compare to the number that Trip had taken. He wasn't sure that she was right about taking life being the only way sometimes either, he had to believe that there were multiple solutions to any problem and killing wasn't one that he was prepared to entertain anymore.  
  
Trip could already feel how tired he was even before they reached T'Pol's quarters. He stripped off the top half of his uniform and tied the arms around his waist. It wasn't exactly the best attire for neuropressure but he didn't want to go and change and take up more of T'Pol's time. She was already doing him a big favour.  
  
T'Pol started the neuropressure, but they didn't get very far. Trip was so tired that he fell asleep on the floor of T'Pol's quarters. T'Pol looked at him, assessing whether to wake him, but he had obviously been very tired. He had never fallen asleep during their sessions before, other things had happened but not this. She went to her cupboard and retrieved a grey Star Fleet general issue blanket and carefully draped it over the quiet form on her floor. She gently repositioned the pillow under his head so that it was in a more comfortable position. He didn't even stir at her ministrations.  
  
Being tired herself, she lay down on her bunk, watching the rise and fall of her unexpected room mate's chest. This was a man of contradictions, so vulnerable looking when he was asleep, with an obviously fragile centre to his being yet a tough exterior that he let few people penetrate. She understood the reason for that now. She had been surprised by the Captain's revelation of Trip's past, but she had already known that there was more to Trip than the easy going front he projected for the world to see.  
  
It was to be expected that the Captain would see this in an emotional way. Where Trip was concerned she didn't expect anything else from her Commanding Officer, the two men had a close relationship and Trip was often the Captain's confidant. However she decided that she must talk to Archer about how his obvious falling out was affecting morale on the ship. The crew genuinely liked Trip and respected their Captain, but they were beginning to pick up on the undercurrent present between them at the moment.  
  
T'Pol fell asleep contemplating if there was anything an unemotional Vulcan could do to smooth the relations between the two humans she felt closest to on Enterprise. She was awakened a few hours later by someone crying out.

* * *

Trip was just about getting used to life on the Thak Tikh. He was making new discoveries daily about the Engine which he was currently in charge of and he was even beginning to think that he was fitting in with the MACOs. After their journey home from the Nausicaan raider's outpost he'd been invited to join in their games of poker and had even ended up learning their first names. Something he'd discovered they were particularly loath to tell him. After the first couple of weeks he'd managed to persuade them that he was to be called Trip, he wasn't part of their command chain and it didn't feel right for them to be calling him "sir" when he was the new guy and had the least experience of any of them.  
  
He quickly tuned into the fact that the unit was a very closely knit group of people. Major Darwin would be happy to come and play a couple of hands of poker in his off hours with his men, or share a drink with them. In fact Trip got the impression that he would have been mortally offended if he'd been excluded. Hathaway was no different and had been known to drink some of the male members of the unit under the table. When they were working they worked hard though, no one questioned orders and everyone was professionalism personified.  
  
Trip was training up Rush and Carter to be able to run the engine in an emergency when the new orders came through. Rush was the explosives expert and Carter knew everything there was to know about every conceivable weapon that Trip would think of. They were about the most technical of the MACOs and hence Darwin's suggestion that they be the ones Trip trained up to be his understudies.  
  
The new orders which Darwin had received were for a reconnaissance and recovery mission and this time it was something that they would need their resident engineer for. Some back water planet called Kellaris was building a weapon and Earth wanted an assessment of the threat, if there was one, then the destruction of the weapon and retrieval of its plans. It sounded easy enough, nothing they hadn't done before a half dozen times. Trip had sat the last couple of missions out, not being needed on the ground and much more useful making sure that they could make a quick get away. He was looking forward to being part of the action again and if they did this right no one would get hurt.  
  
They successfully infiltrated the base, Darwin leading from the front but making use of Arroya's expertise as usual. That was one of his strengths, making use of his men but still taking his fair share of the danger. Rush would be planting the explosives while Trip downloaded the schematics. Of course no plan survives contact with the enemy and this one had been no exception.  
  
They had arrived to find that their intelligence had been wrong, it wasn't Dempsey's fault or anyone else's, the maps they had just didn't reflect what was on the ground. The computer that Trip needed wasn't in the same complex as the weapon that they'd been sent to destroy. After a brief consultation with Rush and Carter about the best way to destroy the weapon, he knew they wouldn't be able to get enough from the scans he'd taken to reconstruct the weapon. He had to get to the computer and get the schematics and then delete them from the data banks so it would be a while before the Kellarins could build another one. Arroya and Trip had made the short journey across the compound to the computer complex so that they could download the files.  
  
"I see two guards," said Arroya.  
  
"Check," replied Trip. "Shouldn't be a problem." Trip dealt with one of the guards while Arroya took down the other. After picking a couple of security sealed doors they were in.  
  
"This shouldn't take long," said Trip, putting down his weapon so that he could use both his hands to work on the computer.  
  
"We've got ten minutes before the shift change," said Arroya. "Will that be long enough?" She stood beside him, eyes scanning the shadows for any movement or indication that something might be wrong.  
  
"It'll have to be," said Trip. It only took five minutes to get everything downloaded. Arroya took the lead as they made their way back to the rendezvous area, sneaking around was her area of expertise. Just as they were nearly out an alarm sound. Arroya muttered a curse and suddenly they found themselves facing a contingent of armed guards. Trip somehow ended up pinned down behind some boxes. Arroya was closer to their exit but was hesitating so that she could cover Trip.  
  
"Get out of here!" he shouted to Arroya tossing her the information that he'd collected. Technically he out-ranked her even though he wasn't a MACO and didn't have anything like her training in this sort of situation. "I'll cover you."  
  
She hesitated for a split second before she did what Trip suggested and made for the exit. Trip was out numbered and pinned down but he was also causing a distraction which he hoped would allow Arroya enough time to get out. Once he was sure Arroya had made her escape he did the only thing he could do, attempted to make a run for it. He knew he didn't stand a chance and they captured him easily. He remembered thinking to himself, where there's life, there's hope. He knew that Special Projects wouldn't exactly think of it that way. Standing orders were that if one of the team was captured then the rest of the team should prevent them giving up any information. Trip knew what that meant, one of his team mates would be coming to kill him.  
  
The Kellarins took Trip to a prison camp. It was one of the worst places that he'd ever seen in his entire life. The cells were bare concrete, or whatever the alien equivalent of concrete was, with a bucket for sanitary requirements and a bench for sleeping on. There was no heating just a single blanket and he was given a small jug of water each day. He tried to eat the food that they provided him with but it was far too alien and just made him sick. He could hear shouts and screams of fellow inmates echoing down the hall every so often.  
  
He was left alone in the cell for the first day. He spent the time contemplating his predicament and exercising, he couldn't do much in the small cell but it was enough to keep his mind off things. The second day it became obvious that things were going to get worse. They took him to another room, he referred to it as the interrogation room because that's what they did there. They hooked him up to sort of machine and turned on the power. His whole body was on fire, every nerve singing with unbelievable pain and he screamed.

* * *

Suddenly he was awake again. He was disorientated, where was he? Then he identified the fact that he was on Enterprise, not Kellaris, but he still couldn't work out why he was on the floor. As he became more lucid he heard a soft voice telling him that he was safe.  
  
"You are safe, Trip. You are not in any danger. It was simply a bad dream."  
  
T'Pol, Trip realised. It was her floor that he was lying on. He must have fallen asleep during their neuropressure session. Damn.  
  
"Do you understand me? It was only a dream," said T'Pol again.  
  
"I wish it had been," replied Trip.  
  
"I do not understand," said T'Pol.  
  
Trip sighed and related the tale to T'Pol of what had happened. If you woke up screaming on a woman's floor then he guessed that she had a right to know what all the fuss was about. He left out a few of the important details like the when and where.  
  
"Anyway they asked a lot of questions about who I was and why I was there and where I'd come from. They'd never seen any humans before so they were a bit in the dark about even what species I was. I knew that any answer I gave would cause a bundle of trouble for Earth and I was pretty sure that the Colonel would be planning some way to make sure I wouldn't be around to give them any answers anyway. Even though I wouldn't tell them anything, they kept at me for a few days before they gave up and decided that I wasn't worth the effort. They scheduled their equivalent of a firing squad for the next morning."  
  
"You are here, so I assume that the firing squad did not complete their assignment," said T'Pol.  
  
"Yeah, they marched me out to the middle of the compound ready to be executed. I was pretty sick by that point so they needed two guards just to hold me up. Tied my arms above my head to this post that sat there for the occasion and I waited for the inevitable. Except suddenly there's a whole load of shooting and the next thing I know the Colonel's untying me. I don't remember exactly how they got me out of there but I remember waking up in sickbay back on the Thak Tikh and being damn glad to be alive. Took me a week to recover but I made it.  
  
He didn't have to come back for me. His orders were to make sure that I didn't give up any information and if that meant killing me then so be it. As my jailers were about to do that for him he could have just abandoned me there but he didn't. He risked his own life to come back and get me. That wasn't the only time that he saved my life either."  
  
"He seems to be a commanding officer of great merit," said T'Pol.  
  
"Yes, he is," said Trip. He glanced over at the chronometer on T'Pol's desk. "Damn, I'm sorry T'Pol it's two in the morning, you should have kicked me out when I fell asleep on your floor."  
  
"You appeared to need the sleep. Unfortunately we were unable to conclude out neuropressure treatment so your sleep was disturbed," said T'Pol.  
  
"I'll go to my quarters and let you get back to sleep," said Trip.  
  
"There is no need," replied T'Pol. "We have shared a bed before. I believe we are both sufficiently tired that we will be able to sleep."  
  
Trip thought about protesting but he was very tired and the floor was quite hard and it seemed like his quarters were an awful long way away. He fidgeted with the blanket that T'Pol had placed over him before he looked up at her. "Erm, okay, if you're sure," he said.  
  
"I would not have suggested it if I was not," replied T'Pol and went back to her bed and lay down, holding the covers for Trip to join her. Trip moved to the bed sleepily and lay down with his back to T'Pol. He jumped slightly as he felt soft fingers pressing gently on pressure points up and down his spine, but then relaxed.  
  
"This will help you to sleep through the rest of the night," said T'Pol softly.  
  
Trip's eyes were unbelievably heavy and he soon found himself drifting into a dreamless sleep.

* * *

Deneb IV. Just over a day away now and Archer was still no wiser as to why they were going there. At least now it was within sensor range and they could begin to collect information.  
  
"Captain, I have something on long range sensors," said Reed.  
  
"What is it, Mr Reed?" he asked already dreading the answer.  
  
"It looks like a Klingon ship, possibly a battle cruiser," said Reed. "They're on course for Deneb IV." 


	6. Chapter 6

Behind Blue Eyes  
  
By Thalia Drogna

* * *

When I smile, tell me some bad news,  
Before I laugh and act like a fool.

– Behind Blue Eyes, The Who

* * *

Trip woke up to find an arm draped over his waist. He was lying in a bed that wasn't his own wearing only his boxer shorts with a warm body beside him. It was pleasant and it took him a moment to remember how he had ended up in this position. The arm belonged to T'Pol and she had invited him to share her bed, albeit platonically. More importantly she hadn't freaked out completely at the revelation that Trip had been part of a black ops unit and had even indicated that she had some comparable past experiences. It was the first time since Colonel Darwin had contacted Enterprise that Trip had felt even vaguely happy. He just lay there enjoying the moment and then the spell was broken, the com sounded.  
  
"Archer to T'Pol."  
  
T'Pol was immediately alert and carefully climbed over Trip to reach the com. "T'Pol here, go ahead Captain."  
  
"We've picked up a Klingon battle cruiser on out long range sensors," said Archer.  
  
"I am on my way," said T'Pol, cutting the communication.  
  
"Klingons," said Trip.  
  
"Yes," replied T'Pol.  
  
"We'd hoped that they wouldn't get wind of this," said Trip.  
  
"You anticipated their involvement?" she asked.  
  
"It was always a possibility," said Trip. "But I guess I thought we'd been careful enough that they hadn't worked it out."  
  
"The Klingons have extensive spy networks," said T'Pol.  
  
"I'd noticed," replied Trip.  
  
"I must get to the bridge," said T'Pol.  
  
"Me too," said Trip, he scrambled out of bed grabbing his overalls as he did so. "Better shower and put on some clean clothes first. I'll see you there." He pulled on his crumpled clothes rapidly. "Thanks for last night T'Pol, you have no idea how much I needed a good night's sleep." T'Pol inclined her head in acknowledgement. He gave her one of his trademark grins and with that he dashed out of T'Pol's quarters and towards his own.  
  
It was only once he had showered and changed that he thought to call Colonel Darwin and inform him of the situation too. The guest quarters were on the way to the bridge so he decided to simply call in on the way.  
  
Darwin opened the door at the first ring of the bell. "Come in Commander," he said.  
  
"No time, sir. I just came by to report a long range sensor contact with a Klingon vessel," said Trip. "I don't have any further details but I'm on my way to the bridge."  
  
They both knew what this meant. "Damn," said Darwin. "I was hoping we wouldn't have to deal with them this time. Lead the way, Commander. I'm joining you on the bridge."  
  
They entered the bridge and Trip went to his station beside Reed. T'Pol was already sitting at her science station looking intently at the readings that she was receiving. Archer half turned in his seat to look at Darwin, before looking over at T'Pol.  
  
"What does the Vulcan database say, T'Pol?" he asked.  
  
"It is a D5 class Klingon battle cruiser. Usually they carry a crew of twenty and are capable of warp six. It is armed with disrupter cannons," said T'Pol.  
  
"Colonel, perhaps you can shed some light on why a Klingon battle cruiser is on a heading for Deneb IV," said Archer.  
  
"They're going there for the same reason that we are. The ship that the ESS Venture found," said Darwin.  
  
"Mr Mayweather, drop us out of warp," said Archer, calmly. Mayweather looked a little perplexed but he obeyed the command.  
  
"Captain, what are you doing? We have to reach Deneb before the Klingons," said Darwin urgently. Trip looked over at Archer but kept quiet. He hadn't expected Archer to play this card and given his current record with Archer he'd be better off letting Darwin handle this.  
  
"We're not going anywhere until someone tells me what's going on," said Archer. "I'm not taking Enterprise into a shooting match with the Klingons without a good reason."  
  
"Captain, you have your orders from Admiral Forest," said Darwin. "We are to proceed to Deneb IV with all possible haste."  
  
"Those orders also state that I am in charge of this mission until we reach Deneb IV," said Archer. "We haven't reached Deneb IV yet and that means I still decide what we do. I'm not ordering this ship anywhere until I have a better idea of what we're getting ourselves into. I've got some idea of the way that you ran Special Projects and I will not allow you to carry that same gung-ho attitude over to my ship," said Archer. "You have a decision to make, Colonel."  
  
"Colonel," said Trip. "We have to tell him." Hoshi and Travis exchanged confused glances.  
  
"You leave me no choice, Captain," said Darwin. "Let's discuss this in your ready room."  
  
"T'Pol, Commander Tucker," said Archer indicating that they should join them. Trip didn't fail to notice the formal way that the Captain addressed him.  
  
"Not the Sub-commander," said Darwin.  
  
"She's my first officer, I won't leave her out of this," said Archer.  
  
"She's also a Vulcan," said Darwin.  
  
"My ship, my terms," said Archer. Darwin sighed but indicated for Archer to lead the way to his ready room.  
  
"Right, I want the full story and I want it now," said Archer when the door had shut behind them.  
  
"It was the final mission before the unit was disbanded," said Darwin. "We took the Thak Tikh to a planet called Faranor."  
  
"Thak Tikh?" asked Archer.  
  
"The name of the Andorian ship, means Storm Bringer," said Trip, his eyes on the floor.  
  
"I am not familiar with any planets named Faranor," said T'Pol.  
  
"It was what the locals called it," replied Trip. "That isn't really the beginning of the story though." He sighed and began the tale of something that he would rather forget. Something which he'd desperately been trying to get past for the last ten years.  
  
Darwin had called Trip into his ready room on board the Thak Tikh. "We've got a new mission, Lieutenant," he said.  
  
"What's on the cards this time? If you're talking to me then I guess it's something technical that your guys can't cope with," said Trip.  
  
"Trip, you've been with us three years, you even salute like a MACO, you're one of the guys now," said Darwin.  
  
"Never thought of it like that before," said Trip.  
  
"We're going back to Earth," said Darwin. "Briefly anyway. We're picking up an addition to the team for this mission. She's a civilian archaeologist."  
  
"Civilian archaeologist? There are two parts of that that I don't like, civilian and archaeologist. Why do we need her?" asked Trip.  
  
"This is the mission," he handed Trip a padd.  
  
Trip read for a moment. The padd detailed an ancient alien city which now lay ruined and had lots of points of interest for their archaeologist. "This isn't a mission, it's a dig site," said Trip. "Major, we're Special Projects not a science team."  
  
"Scroll down to the readings that we picked up," said Darwin.  
  
"What the hell?" said Trip. "These readings... I thought the civilisation on the planet was primitive, pre-warp."  
  
"It is. We think there's a cache of alien technology down there, just waiting for someone to come and get it," said Darwin.  
  
Trip smiled. "You sure know how to cheer me up, Major."  
  
"I want you to study that data and learn as much as you can about what's down there before we go planet-side," said Darwin.  
  
"Yes, sir," replied Trip with enthusiasm. "So who's this archaeologist?"  
  
"Her name is Antonia Karasta, her family are military and she was a member of the British Territorial Army. She knows how to keep her mouth shut and she understands military discipline. She's also one of the top xeno- archaeologists on Earth," said Darwin.  
  
Trip nodded. "If we need an Archaeologist it sounds like she's the right one for the job," said Trip.  
  
"Glad you approve, Lieutenant," said the Major with a smile, taking the sting out of what could have been seen as a reprimand. "How's the engine? All looking good down there?"  
  
"Purring like a kitten," replied Trip, "if Andoria had kittens, which I'm pretty sure it doesn't." A few more pleasantries were exchanged and they set course for Earth for the first time in over a year.  
  
Antonia Karasta had coffee coloured skin and flowing long black hair which she kept tied back in a neat pony tail. She was a small woman in both height and build, in her late twenties and with piercing brown eyes. Being the only non-MACO in the unit, which Darwin seemed to think would help put their new member at ease, Trip had been despatched to collect Antonia and take her to the ship. They had hit it off immediately, she had a sparkle about her that Trip loved. By the time they had got back to the Thak Tikh they had formed the beginnings of a serious friendship. After two months travel to Faranor they had got to know each other pretty well.  
  
Trip still couldn't forget the look on Antonia's face as he had shown her around the Thak Tikh for the first time. She asked all the right questions. When Trip had shown her the engine she had been duly impressed and wanted to know how it worked. He had taken her down to the Armoury and Carter had been overjoyed when she asked him what the blast yield of the cannons was. She talked martial arts with Hathaway and suggested that maybe the Captain could help her brush up on her kick boxing. Even though the MACOs tried to call her Ma'am she insisted on Antonia, reasoning that she didn't have a rank, having left the TA some years earlier to concentrate on her academic career and being called Ma'am made her feel old. It reminded Trip of his battle to get the MACOs to use his nickname.  
  
She was first and foremost an archaeologist though, and she didn't have the level of combat training that the other MACOs had. It wasn't expected that she would need it for this mission though so Darwin made the decision that she would be better spending her time studying the information that they had on the ruined city than in intensive combat training like Trip had been through. Hathaway didn't like that, she didn't want to take someone down to an alien planet if they couldn't defend themselves, but as Darwin pointed out, Antonia could defend herself. She just wasn't a trained killer like Hathaway. Besides the MACOs would be there to protect her if necessary. The natives of the planet were supposedly friendly and they wouldn't be landing anywhere near their settlements anyway.  
  
Faranor was a sparsely inhabited planet, with less than ten thousand people living on it. It was full of dry deserts and open grass plains. The ruins were located in one of the desert stretches. The ancient city was modest by modern standards but it was large enough that it would take a few days to survey and get what they had come for. The buildings were in various states of decay and the sand had blown in drifts around them. The buildings were sand coloured and blended in with the desert. The bare, ruined spires of the city looked like the bones of a picked clean skeleton, poking into the sky. The architecture was distinctly alien in appearance with strange curves and unusually shaped doorways. The MACOs broke into pairs to start scanning the area.  
  
"Why the hell are we on this goddamned dust ball?" said Rush as he scanned the ruins. He hated the desert, dust got into their weapons and everything else. He looked over at his partner, Arroya, in her desert gear in muted shades of beige and brown to blend in with the environment. People thought that deserts were hot places but the wind was making this one very cold. "We're MACOs not the Survey Corps."  
  
"You were at the mission briefing the same as the rest of us," said Arroya.  
  
"I can understand why they need Antonia here and Trip, even Didier has stuff to do translating those marks on the wall, but us, we're just here to map the place. There aren't any threats, no infiltration, nothing to blow up," said Rush. "We're in the middle of the desert, there's nothing but us around for miles."  
  
"Why do you always want to blow stuff up?" asked Arroya.  
  
"It's what I signed on to do," said Rush. "I can't help being a pyromaniac."  
  
"Sure you can't. Whatever it is we're here to get has to be important," said Arroya. "The readings that Trip had were pretty wild."  
  
"What would you know?" asked Rush.  
  
"Hey, if you paid attention you'd have picked that up at the briefing too," said Arroya. "There's some serious alien technology down here."  
  
"Yeah, but what? I mean is it weapons or are we just talking alien dishwashers?" asked Rush, semi-seriously.  
  
"Power readings like we were getting, it has to be something more than a dishwasher," said Arroya, looking at her scanner. "Hang on, I'm getting something interesting. Trip will want to see this." She fumbled in her top pocket for her communicator. "Arroya to Tucker," she said into her communicator.  
  
"Trip here, what you got Corporal?" came the southern drawl.  
  
"We're getting some interesting readings here, Trip. You should come over and have a look," said Arroya.  
  
"Well it's got to be more interesting than what we've got," said Trip. "We're on our way. Get hold of the Major and tell him and Antonia to meet us at your location."  
  
"Affirmative, Lieutenant. We'll be waiting for you," she replied.  
  
Trip and his partner, Dempsey, took a few minutes to get from their area to Rush and Arroya's position, by which point Major Darwin and Antonia had already arrived. They stood in front of a sand coloured building that was mostly rubble but had obviously been fairly impressive before it had been ruined.  
  
"What we got?" asked Trip. Arroya passed him her scanner and showed him the readings she'd been taking. Trip whistled.  
  
"That's some serious energy output," he said.  
  
"Any ideas as to what it might be, Lieutenant?" asked Darwin.  
  
"None at all," said Trip. "I think we just hit the jackpot though, this is the same thing that we picked up from orbit, just stronger. It's a weird radiation signature, looks kind of familiar but I can't place it. I need to get in and have a look at it."  
  
"We'll see what we can do about that," said Darwin.  
  
"Looks as if the structure extends under the ground, quite some distance from the geophysics," said Antonia. "This is just amazing."  
  
"Ain't it just," said Trip, intently gazing at the readings he was getting.  
  
"What do you call geophysics anyway when you're on an alien planet?" said Antonia.  
  
"You'd better ask Didier that one," said Trip.  
  
"It looks like this was some type of municipal building," said Antonia, "judging by its placement in the city and this courtyard in front of it. I suppose this is what you could call the business district."  
  
"This is all very interesting," said Darwin, "but perhaps we should actually go and take a look at what we've found."  
  
"Yes, sir," said Trip, enthusiastically. He reminded Darwin of a kid with a new toy. In fact so did Antonia, she'd been voraciously absorbing any information that she could find ever since they had been on the planet's surface. Trip led the way into the building, picking his way over the debris from the fallen ceiling and the random bits of masonry that lay around. After making their way a fair distance into the building they found what looked like some sort of control room.  
  
"Computer consoles," said Trip as he uncovered some metal table structures. "Look pretty sophisticated." He brushed the dust off one of them. "And they still have power. How old did you say this city was?" he asked Antonia.  
  
"Over four thousand years. They can't possibly still have power," said Antonia and she went to stand beside him to verify what he'd said. "The metal would have degraded by now if nothing else..." and she trailed off, Trip was right the consoles did still have power.  
  
"I think we need Didier's help with this," said Trip. "I won't be able to make head or tail of this unless we can translate some of the labels."  
  
Darwin called Didier, Carter and Kanatova to come and join them while Trip continued his examination of the various control stations.  
  
"This can't have been built by the people on this planet, can it?" asked Arroya as she looked around her. Her torch traced out the patterns of an alien design on the walls that could have been writing or simply decoration.  
  
"No," said Antonia. "It's not even the same style of architecture and the languages are completely different. I think we're dealing with an outpost of an entirely different alien civilisation."  
  
"Couldn't their civilisation have collapsed back to the level of technology that they have now?" asked Darwin.  
  
"Unlikely," said Antonia. "It's just too different to the native civilisation. I won't rule anything out until I've had more time to study the city but all my instincts are telling me that we're dealing with a different group completely. The people that built this city had space travel and were warp capable. The native Faranoans don't show any signs of ever having got that far. I've read the Vulcan database files on this planet."  
  
"How did you get hold of the Vulcan database files?" asked Dempsey. "I've been trying to get access to those for Special Projects for the past three years."  
  
"I've got some contacts," said Antonia. "Our pointy eared friends are much more prepared to hand out information to science establishments than they are to the military. You'd be surprised what you can find out if you know the right people."  
  
"I thought I did know the right people," replied Dempsey.  
  
Darwin's com chirped and he thumbed it open, it was Hathaway who had been left on board the Thak Tikh to hold the fort while they conducted their exploration. "What is it Captain?" asked Darwin.  
  
"This may be nothing but we just picked up a Klingon ship on the long range sensors," said Hathaway.  
  
"Any indication that they're coming in our direction?" asked Darwin.  
  
"They are on a heading towards this sector of space. No indication that they've spotted us yet but I would feel a lot happier if we could get out of here before they get any closer," said Hathaway. "They aren't known for their tolerance of other races and they've had a couple of incidents with the Andorians recently. They might decide to come over and exact some retribution."  
  
"Noted, Captain. We need another day or so down here. Have we got that sort of time?" asked Darwin.  
  
"It's cutting it fine. It's only because the Andorians made such damn good sensors that we've got this early warning," said Hathaway. "If the Klingons decide to come this direction then they'll be here by tomorrow afternoon. Maybe sooner if it's one of those D5s we keep hearing about."  
  
"Last intelligence was that they're capable of warp six," said Dempsey.  
  
"Understood, Captain," said Darwin. "We'll be as quick as we can. Keep me informed of their movements. Darwin out." He looked around at the members of his unit. "You heard her, we're working to a deadline so let's make this as quick as possible."  
  
There was a chorus of "yes sir" from around the room. Everyone got their heads down.  
  
"We need to get down to wherever those weird readings are coming from," said Trip. "We're still only scratching the surface of what's in this building."  
  
"Well let's get to it, Lieutenant," said Darwin. "How do we get down there?"  
  
Arroya took out her scanner again. "There's a staircase down to the lower levels in that direction," she said pointing towards the back of the building.  
  
They made their way to the staircase and Trip looked down into the bowels of the building. "Lights are still on," he said.  
  
"That must be one hell of a power supply to still be going after four thousand years," said Rush.  
  
It took them the best part of an hour to make their way to the source of the strange readings which Trip had detected. They finally turned a corner and found the room that they were looking for. It was protected by a heavy steel door which was locked. Arroya and Trip managed to crack the lock using Trip's electronic lock pick and Arroya's knowledge of how to circumvent locks but it took them over an hour. Trip had the distinct impression that they weren't meant to go into that room.  
  
Trip was the first to enter the chamber. It was lit by a bright white oval of light about two metres in height in the corner of the room. The light was bizarre and it hurt Trip's eyes to look at it and if he turned his head too quickly it sort of disappeared or followed him, he wasn't exactly sure which. It was almost as if the light wasn't really there at all. The light was strange enough but in the centre of the room was a spherical black metal box. It was held in place by thin metal supports that jutted out from the floor and ceiling. It was the black metal box that was the source of the readings Trip had been getting. Around the edges of the room were more computer consoles and what seemed to be readouts monitoring something.  
  
"This could take a while," said Trip.  
  
"We don't have a while," replied Darwin looking around himself in wonder. "We'll just have to do the best that we can with the time available. Sorry Trip, I know this is an Engineering paradise. Maybe we can come back once the Klingons have moved on."  
  
They worked solidly trying to decipher the alien computer readouts and the scans that they took for the next few hours until Major Darwin called a halt. Everyone needed to rest, not least himself. He knew that Trip and Antonia would work through the night if he gave them the chance but he didn't need them worn out through over work. He needed them fresh to be able to work out the problem in front of them. They climbed back out of the structure and set up the tents just outside the building.  
  
Trip settled down in his tent with a stack of padds, he wanted to look up some additional information that he thought might shed some light on the readings that he was getting. He fed in his readings into the padd and set it to search for anything similar in it's database. He was asleep when the padd beeped at him to let him know that it had returned his results. It was sufficiently loud that it woke him out of the light doze he'd fallen into. He read through it in complete disbelief.  
  
"Hawking radiation," he said quietly, in awe. "It's a goddamned black hole. They're using a goddamned black hole to power this city." 


	7. Chapter 7

Behind Blue Eyes  
  
By Thalia Drogna  
  
AN: Thanks to everyone who has reviewed. It's nice to know what you're all thinking. Couple of things to clear up:   
Time line: I admit that I'm taking liberties here, but as I see it, Trip's been in Star Fleet for 12 years, I think this is mentioned in the first series, so I'm assuming that's a round figure and he was an Ensign for about a year and a half, he was promoted to Lieutenant (he's smart and in a specialist area so it could happen), served three years in Special Projects, came back and started work at the Warp Five Complex where he met Archer towards the end of that same year.   
Passive voice: I know from experience that you guys on the other side of the pond don't like passive voice much. Personally I quite like it for flash backs and I think this is one of those cultural differences in use of English.   
Aeryn10 suggested that Malcolm was too easily able to find out the information about Special Projects. My reasoning is that if anyone can hack into protected security systems then it would be Malcolm, after all he knows all the tricks because he's put security measures in to stop the same thing happening. Plus Special Projects was disbanded over ten years ago so these are very old files that we are talking about. He isn't actually able to find out the details of individual missions, just some broad details about the kind of missions they were given.   
Trip's general ineptitude in combat: again, yes, I am taking liberties with what we see on screen. But for the purposes of this story, he's inept most of the time because he's pretending to be, and the rest of the time because he's holding back or over thinking.

Since I know that I have at least a couple of astronomers reading this, I apologise in advance for the Trek style science in this chapter. I've done my best to be accurate but I've probably missed something. My Beta ed picked holes in it, but then he is an astrophysicist and can actually do the equations behind this, something I'll never manage in a month of Sundays. 

Anyway, enough explanation...on with the story.

* * *

No one knows what it's like,  
To feel these feelings,  
Like I do,  
And I blame you.  
  
– Behind Blue Eyes, The Who

* * *

"That is impossible, Commander," said T'Pol. When Trip had explained about the Hawking radiation she hadn't been able to keep quiet any longer.  
  
"No it isn't," said Trip. "Believe me, I've seen it."  
  
"You are talking about extracting energy from a fundamental force of the universe," said T'Pol.  
  
"They were using the Hawking radiation. You know as well as I do that the Heisenberg Quantum Uncertainty Principle allows for it, we've just never actually observed it," said Trip.  
  
"Hawking radiation has not been proven to exist," replied T'Pol. "The Vulcan Science Directorate has been conducting research in this field for a number of years but has no conclusive proof."  
  
"I'm telling you, T'Pol. That's what it was. I'll get you the schematics from the scans we took and you can look for yourself," said Trip.  
  
"Commander, you will not give those schematics to anyone," said Colonel Darwin. Least of all a Vulcan he added to himself, no matter who she is.  
  
"Could someone please translate for those of us that don't have an advanced physics degree," said Archer.  
  
"The Commander found a particular type of radiation which indicates a black hole to be present," said T'Pol. "Although there is still debate about whether the radiation which he found does actually exist."  
  
"Oh, it exists alright. It's all to do with the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle," said Trip. "When you get below a certain size you leave behind Newtonian physics, large scale physics, and you get into Quantum physics. The tiny particles that we can't even pick up on an electron microscope. Everything behaves in kind of a weird way once you get that small and there are some pretty strange things going on when you try to take measurements. Basically when you get down to the quantum level you can't be certain of anything, you can measure one variable but not two simultaneously, hence Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle. Between the measurements exists a whole bunch of virtual particles which we're not normally aware of and they form particle pairs, anti-particle with particle, to balance the quantum variables. If that happens on the edge of a black hole event horizon then one particle gets sucked into the black hole and the other particle gets spewed out. That's what gives you the radiation, that particle escaping from the gravitational field of the black hole, it has to stop being virtual and become real because it's lost its partner. And that's putting it simply without all the math."  
  
"That explanation is exceedingly simplistic, Commander, and scientifically inaccurate," said T'Pol.  
  
Trip sighed and rolled his eyes. "It's close enough."  
  
"If that's the simple version, I don't want to hear the long version," said Archer.  
  
"I had to put up with this the first time around," said Darwin. "You have no idea."

* * *

It was a beautiful, clear, cold, night in the desert, with stars showing through patchy cloud cover which cast strange shadows across the sand. Most of the MACOs had been asleep for a couple of hours by this point, except Rush who had been left on guard duty. Trip ran from his tent to that of Major Darwin.  
  
"Major! You have no idea what we've got here," said Trip shaking his Commanding Officer awake.  
  
"Trip, it's oh one hundred, what the hell are you doing up? Get some sleep for god's sake. Whatever it is can wait until morning. It's been sitting here for four thousand years already," said Darwin, instantly alert but still angry that Trip had woken him.  
  
"You don't understand, we're sitting on a quantum singularity," said Trip. "A Hawking Radiation powered generator."  
  
"I've told you this before. I don't speak tech. English, Trip, English," replied Darwin.  
  
"Sorry, sir," said Trip and he explained about exactly what it was that they'd found in the chamber below the ruined building. An alien power supply, a generator that used a black hole as it's power source. "It's not a big one," finished Trip, "but actually if it had been bigger it would have generated less power."  
  
"How can that be possible?" asked Darwin and then just as Trip was about to tell him he held up his hand. "No, on second thoughts, I don't want to know. Go back to bed, we'll discuss this in the morning. You won't be any good to us if you're too tired to use that brain of yours."  
  
Trip looked disappointed. "Sorry, sir," said Trip. He gave a half-hearted salute and left his Commanding Officer to go back to sleep.  
  
"Engineers," said Darwin with fake disgust as he settled back down in his sleeping bag, intending Trip to hear him as he walked away. Trip just gave a half smile as he wandered back to his own tent. He couldn't sleep though and decided there was only one place he could go. He wandered back down through the eerie corridors of the underground complex to the generator room, as he'd christened it. Someone else was already there though.  
  
"Hello?" said Trip as he heard movement up ahead. He heard a crash as someone dropped something, obviously startled by his approach.  
  
"Trip?" said a female voice with a distinct British accent.  
  
"Antonia, shouldn't you be in bed?" he asked.  
  
"Shouldn't you?" she asked in reply, smiling and dark brown eyes sparkling in the cold white light from the white oval in the corner.  
  
"I couldn't resist another look," said Trip. "Besides I got about an hour or so. I can sleep all I want when we're back on the Thak Tikh on our way home." He explained to Antonia about his theory of the black hole power source. She wasn't a physicist but she got the general gist of what he was trying to explain.  
  
"Wow," said Antonia. "If we weren't standing on an alien planet, inside a room with a light which vanishes when you look at, I don't think I would have believed you. But then I wouldn't have just translated this either." She pointed to something written on one of the computer readouts.  
  
"What?" asked Trip.  
  
"Didier and I were able to put together an alphabet and a sort of dictionary for the alien language. His linguistics knowledge and my cultural knowledge meant we could put this together a bit quicker than either of us would have taken alone. Their written language is a combination of phonetic symbols and hieroglyphs, sort of like modern Japanese, they seem to have used several different alphabets. Anyway the phrase "dark door" keeps coming up. I'm guessing that's their equivalent phrase for black hole."  
  
"Sounds like a good theory," replied Trip.  
  
"But then there's this phrase here which we think means "bright door"," said Antonia.  
  
"A white hole?" suggested Trip.  
  
"What's a white hole?" asked Antonia.  
  
"Opposite of a black hole. It's supposed to spew matter out into the universe, whereas a black hole sucks it in. That's kind of a simplistic explanation but that's basically what it's supposed to be. Except that no one has ever been able to observe one and unlike black holes we'd expect to be able to see them. A lot of physicists think they don't really exist at all."  
  
"What about that?" asked Antonia pointing to the white oval of light in the corner. "Could it be a white hole?"  
  
"Nah, wrong readings. It's not throwing anything but light out. A white hole would be radiating on all spectrums and we really wouldn't want to be standing here. It'd be like being in the same room as an atomic bomb," said Trip.  
  
"If it isn't a white hole then what is it?" asked Antonia.  
  
"I'm not sure," said Trip. "It's definitely not just a light source. There are controls beside it that look pretty important. Could be your "bright door" though, it doesn't have to mean white hole."  
  
"Would be rather neat if it is what this text refers to," said Antonia.  
  
"Don't suppose you've managed to translate anything about a containment field?" asked Trip.  
  
"Not so far," replied Antonia. "Are you looking for one?"  
  
"Something has to be holding this singularity in place and stopping it from running out of control," replied Trip.  
  
"I'll keep looking," said Antonia.  
  
"Every time I turn my scanner on I find something new in here," said Trip, taking more readings from the metal sphere in the centre of the room. He then moved on to the support beams that ran from the ceiling, they certainly weren't there to hold up the black hole, only the mechanism around it.  
  
"When the Major contacted me to ask if I'd be interested in coming to Faranor I didn't expect to find this," said Antonia.  
  
"Why did you agree to come?" asked Trip. "Can't be much fun hanging out with group of MACOs and an Engineer."  
  
"I've had worse company on digs. And when someone offers a xeno- archaeologist the chance to dig on an alien planet, further away than they've ever been before, well the how and why doesn't really matter. Of course I wasn't expecting the Thak Tikh but I know how to keep my mouth shut. For years my father couldn't talk about his work, it was just an accepted part of life."  
  
"What did your father do?" asked Trip.  
  
"He was a MACO General. Used to be Darwin's superior, but he retired some years ago now," replied Antonia.  
  
"He was Special Forces too?" asked Trip. He suspected that Darwin had already known that when he recruited Antonia.  
  
"Must have been, although he would never tell me," replied Antonia.  
  
"Well that's the way it works," said Trip. "If anyone asks who I'm working for I'm supposed to say that we're a classified research unit. You didn't want to join the MACOs like your Dad?"  
  
"No. It's fine to play weekend soldier but I wouldn't want to make a career of it. And I'm not exactly one for military discipline, being in the TA taught me that," said Antonia.  
  
"Neither am I, but I seem to do okay, but then Star Fleet isn't exactly the MACOs," said Trip.  
  
"You seem to fit right in with these guys," said Antonia.  
  
"Well it took a while, but eventually they succumbed to the old Tucker charm," smiled Trip.  
  
Antonia smiled in reply. She turned back to her work and they continued on in companionable silence, occasionally stopping to ask the other a question. Trip knew that it must be nearly morning and the rest of the team would be getting up soon, his stomach reminded him about breakfast. He was about to ask Antonia if she wanted a break, when she called him over.  
  
"Trip, you have to look at this," said Antonia.  
  
"What is it?" he asked.  
  
"This passage here," said Antonia. "I think this generator might have another use. Look at these plans, they show the sphere and the white light being used in conjunction. This symbol here means "weapon" and this combination means "planet destruction", "doomsday"."  
  
"We'd better tell the Major," said Trip, a worried look on his face.  
  
Antonia nodded and collected her padds up. Just then Trip's communicator beeped.  
  
"Darwin to Trip," said the Major.  
  
"Trip here. I was just about to come and get you. Antonia and I have found something you might want to see down here."  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"Antonia translated some more of the computer readouts. We think that this black hole generator is also a weapon," said Trip.  
  
"That could be a problem," said Darwin. "We've got some contacts coming in from the west, probably Faranoans, and Hathaway commed in to say that the Klingons are definitely on course for Faranor, they'll be here in less then four hours."  
  
"Great, just great," said Trip.  
  
"We need to get that generator out of here," said Darwin.  
  
"I'm not sure that it's even possible to move this thing," said Trip.  
  
"Find me a way, Lieutenant," said Darwin. "Or if we can't move it, then find me a way to destroy it."  
  
"You don't know what you're asking, sir. This isn't like a phase cannon, it's a black hole we're talking about," said Trip.  
  
"All we need to do is make sure the Klingons can't use it," said Darwin. "I know you can do it, Lieutenant. You've got four hours. Darwin out."  
  
"Yes, sir," said Trip, closing his communicator. He was already tired from a night working on the generator schematics, now he had to come up with some way to either take the generator with them or destroy it. He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to think.  
  
"Anything I can do to help?" asked Antonia.  
  
"Keep at that translation," said Trip, opening his eyes again. "I need as much information as possible on how this thing works."  
  
"I'll get Didier down here to help," said Antonia.  
  
"Good idea," said Trip. "Better get Carter too. No one knows weapons like he does, even if it is a singularity generator." Four hours was never going to be enough time, thought Trip. He just hoped that the Major appreciated what he was asking Trip to do. Move a black hole, one of the most massive objects in the entire universe, and this was only a little one.  
  
Two hours later, Darwin came to check on their progress.  
  
"How's it going?" he asked Trip.  
  
"I've identified the containment unit," said Trip. "That's the bit that we really don't want to turn off. If the containment unit goes then the black hole will drop through the floor and start munching its way through the planet. If we can maintain power to the containment unit then I think we might be able to move it. Problem is that we need a hell of a lot of power and I'm not quite sure how we can get it."  
  
"We're running out of time, Trip," said Darwin.  
  
"I know, I know," said Trip. "We're working as fast as we can here."  
  
"Arroya to Darwin."  
  
"Go ahead, Corporal," said Darwin.  
  
"Sir, those contacts to the west. They're in visual range."  
  
"They can't be," said Darwin. "I thought they were on foot."  
  
"They are," said Arroya. "Except every so often they seem to disappear and then reappear a bit closer. Could be something to do with the light reflecting on the desert, but I don't know. Something very weird is going on here."  
  
"You four keep working on this, let me know as soon as you've made any progress," said Darwin and he headed for the door.  
  
Outside Arroya had found a lookout position on the second floor of one of the buildings. She handed her CO the binoculars that she'd been looking through. "About five clicks away, sir," she said pointing to the west.  
  
"Just what we need," said Darwin, as he found a group of Faranoans coming towards them. There were about twenty or so in the group, all wearing the flowing robes that were traditional in this area. He blinked and suddenly the shapes were a lot closer. "What the hell...?"  
  
"They've been doing that," said Arroya. "I wish I knew how."  
  
"At that rate they'll be here in a few minutes," said Darwin. "Get Fenner down here with the shuttlepod, I'm thinking that we just might want to make a quick exit."  
  
"Yes, sir," said Arroya.  
  
"Where are Dempsey, Rush and Kanatova?"  
  
"They're taking down the camp," said Arroya.  
  
"When they're done, get them to stand guard at the generator room. No one gets into that building," said Darwin. "Anymore on the Klingons from Captain Hathaway?"  
  
"They're still proceeding at the same course and speed, no change there," said Arroya.  
  
"Okay, keep your eyes on those Faranoans. I'm going back to check on our resident engineer's progress," said Darwin. "One more thing, Arroya, make sure your weapons are set to stun. These are civilians."  
  
"Yes, sir," asked Arroya.  
  
Darwin left Arroya to keep an eye on the approaching Faranoans while he made his way back to the generator building. He heard her start to contact Dempsey to tell them to organise the guards for the generator building as he stepped out into the street. His boots scuffed sand around in the wind making the air thick with dust and he pulled his scarf up around his nose and mouth so that he wasn't breathing in the dust. The visibility around him was deteriorating rapidly. He was about to com Hathaway and ask if there was a storm coming towards their position when he saw some dark shapes in front of him. It was the group of Faranoans that he had seen not five minutes earlier approaching the city.  
  
He drew his weapon and was very surprised when a voice spoke to him. "We can't allow you to take anything from the city."  
  
"Who are you?" he asked.  
  
"We are the guardians," replied the voice.  
  
"You speak English?" he asked completely bewildered.  
  
"A gift from the Builders," said the voice.  
  
Darwin could hear the capital letter in the tone. The Builders were obviously important to the Faranoans, perhaps with some sort of religious significance. Maybe they were even trespassing on a sacred site by being here.  
  
"If you'll just give us a couple more hours then we'll be out of here, but I think you should know that there are some guys called Klingons on their way here that you're going to want to watch out for," said Darwin.  
  
"We are only concerned with protecting the city and what lies within it," said the voice and he stepped forward so that Darwin could see that he was a tall man clothed in a dark brown cloak. He held a long staff that was about the same height as he was but apart from that he was unarmed.  
  
"I'm sorry but I can't let you interfere with our mission here," said Darwin. He fired his phaser stunning the first alien in front of him and then turned it on the rest of the party. The other aliens rushed towards him but luckily Arroya made her appearance at that moment and they were able to make a retreat towards the generator building.  
  
"This isn't good," said Darwin to Arroya. "Get Dempsey, Rush and Kanatova here now."  
  
"Yes, sir," said Arroya. She commed the other MACOs to converge on their position.  
  
"What's Fenner's ETA?"  
  
"About twenty minutes, sir," said Arroya.  
  
"Okay, I want the four of you on the first shuttle back to the Thak Tikh. Fenner can come back and get the rest of us," said Darwin. He flicked open his communicator once more and called Trip. "We're out of time Lieutenant, you've got an hour to rig that thing to blow." He was basing the time frame on how long it would take Fenner to get back after his first run to the Thak Tikh. The shuttle couldn't carry everyone at once so it would have to be two runs.  
  
"Sir, I've told you how dangerous that could be," said Trip.  
  
"Trip, it's either we destroy it or the Klingons get hold of it," said Darwin. "I don't have time to argue. Do it, Lieutenant."  
  
"Yes, sir, Tucker out," replied Trip. He turned around to the rest of the team. "We've got new orders, we're to rig this place to explode. We just have one problem, if we touch the containment unit then that black hole will run out of control. Antonia, I want you to document as much of this as you can. Didier, I need you and Carter to tell me what we can destroy and what we can't."  
  
"Yes, sir," said all three, he barely noticed that Antonia had joined in even though she wasn't in the military, or the look of horror that had gone across her face at the idea of destroying all the alien technology. He'd have a talk with her about this later, he knew that for an archaeologist destroying anything unique was sacrilege. They had to follow orders though.  
  
On the surface, the MACOs were holding the doorway to the building. They'd already had to stun the rest of the Faranoans when they arrived and they were now tied up securely with the five MACOs keeping a watchful eye over them.  
  
"Shuttle's here, sir," said Rush, pointing at the descending form of the Andorian shuttle from the Thak Tikh.  
  
"Good, the four of you need to get out of here now. I can hold this position until Fenner gets back since our Faranoan friends won't be bothering us anymore."  
  
"Yes, sir," replied the four MACOs saluting as Fenner made a graceful touch down in front of them. They ran for the shuttle which took off again as soon as the four of them were inside.  
  
"Darwin to Tucker," said Darwin into his communicator. "You have forty minutes, Lieutenant."  
  
"Understood, sir," said Trip. "We should be ready in time."  
  
"You must not do this," said the alien who had spoken to Darwin before.  
  
"We're just making sure it doesn't fall into the wrong hands," said Darwin in reply.  
  
"You don't understand the forces that you are playing with. The Builders may have abandoned this city but they still watch over it and they do not like others interfering," said the alien. "The Guardians have been entrusted with its care. We will protect it when these Klingons come."  
  
"I can see that you're really good at that," said Darwin sarcastically.  
  
"You have no idea of the power of the Builders," replied the alien.  
  
"Well until they show up, we're all that stands between the Klingons and that weapon," said Darwin.  
  
"You have failed to understand how much danger you are in," said the alien.  
  
Darwin shrugged. "I think I have a pretty good idea," he said. The alien did not reply.  
  
They sat in silence for some time before Darwin's communicator chirped. "Darwin, go ahead."  
  
"Hathaway, sir. Fenner is on his way back to you; he should be with you in about fifteen minutes. But I've got some bad news. The Klingons have arrived. I'm using the planet to shield us and stop them from detecting our presence, but they've just launched a shuttle. It's heading for your location, sir."  
  
"God damn it, nothing about this mission has gone right," said Darwin. "Tell Fenner to step on it. We'll be ready to leave when he gets here. Darwin out." He went into the building. Behind him he heard a noise, a sort of rapid shuffling sound, he turned around to see what it was and found that the Faranoans were no longer sitting where they had been tied up. They had disappeared. "How the hell...?" He wanted to go back and look for them but he really didn't have time to worry about the Faranoans. He ran back into the building and was out of breath when he reached the generator room.  
  
"Finish up what you're doing, we're leaving now," he said.  
  
"I just need a few more minutes," said Trip. "You guys get going, I'll follow you."  
  
"Okay, but no longer than a couple of minutes. I'm not waiting for you, Lieutenant," said Darwin.  
  
"Don't worry, I ain't got any plans to become a permanent resident of this city," said Trip.  
  
The MACOs and Antonia packed up their gear rapidly and made their way up the stairs and towards the exit. Just as they reached it they heard the sound of loud shouting in Klingon. The Klingons had arrived and obviously detected the same energy readings that they had. Darwin indicated for them to hide and let the Klingons pass, they didn't have time to get into a fire fight. Darwin counted eight Klingons as they walked past.  
  
He looked round at Didier and Carter. "Where's Antonia?" he asked.  
  
"She said she'd left a padd behind, she went to pick it up. She said she'd only be a second," said Didier. "The Klingons are heading for the generator room, Major."  
  
"I'm aware of that," said Darwin. He knew Trip could take care of himself but if Antonia was there as well then that added an unknown element to the equation. "Didier, go and make sure that Fenner has a clear landing site. We're going to need to make a quick get away. Carter, you're with me. We're going to find Trip and Antonia." 


	8. Chapter 8

Behind Blue Eyes  
  
By Thalia Drogna  
  
AN: We're still in flash-back land here.

* * *

Trip was making the final adjustments to the mechanism which would render the weapon useless. It wouldn't destroy it but it would damage it enough that the Klingons wouldn't be able to work out what to do with it. Antonia came dashing back down the corridor.  
  
"I just forgot one of my padds," she said going to pick up the forgotten padd. "You there yet?"  
  
"Nearly," replied Trip, twisting two wires together to make the final connection. "There, done." He collected his tools together and grabbed the rest of his gear. "Let's go." They walked from the room and straight into the arms of a waiting Klingon who grabbed them roughly.  
  
The Klingon said something in his native language. Whatever it was Trip didn't like the sound of it. He switched from engineer to MACO in the space of a couple seconds and executed a perfectly aimed kick to the leg of the Klingon who held them. He cried out in pain and dropped them which gave Trip another opportunity to get in a couple of punches. Unfortunately his resistance was short lived as suddenly another Klingon was shouting at him.  
  
He turned to see one of the other Klingons holding a weapon to Antonia's head. She looked very, very scared and tiny against the huge Klingon. He knew what the Klingon had shouted even without a translator. If he caused anymore trouble then they'd kill Antonia. He put his hands up, hoping that they'd recognise it as a gesture of surrender.  
  
"Okay, okay," he said, "I get the message. I give up." He gave Antonia what he hoped was a reassuring look and would let her know that he was pretty sure that the Major would be coming to get them.  
  
They took his phase pistol from its holster. The Klingons then roughly pushed them back into the generator room. There was more shouting in Klingon while two of them argued over a small box. Finally they seemed to get it working.  
  
"What are you doing here?" shouted the Klingon and Trip realised that they must have been adjusting a translator.  
  
"We're here on a scientific mission," said Trip.  
  
The Klingon that was holding him hit Trip, and Antonia struggled against her captor.  
  
"Leave him alone," she said.  
  
"Quiet," spat the first Klingon. "I don't believe you. How many more are there of you?"  
  
"It's just us two," replied Trip. He hoped that at least the Major and the MACOs could get away from the planet even if Trip and Antonia were now trapped.  
  
"What is this room for?" asked the Klingon.  
  
The Klingon hit him again when he didn't answer fast enough. Trip tasted blood in his mouth, but kept quiet. In his experience Klingons preferred to use their fists rather than their brains, the real trouble was when you got a smart one who knew how to use both. The fact that this Klingon was interested in what they'd found suggested that he was one of the smart ones and Trip knew that meant trouble.  
  
"This white light is very interesting, I wonder what would happen to someone who walked into it," said the Klingon, pacing. Trip had no idea what the white light would do if someone walked into it but he didn't want to find out. The Klingon took one of Antonia's padds and threw it into the light. It vanished in a small shower of light, disintegrated. The Klingon grabbed Antonia, picking her up by her arm as if she were no heavier than a doll. "I think you found a weapon. You will tell me how to use it. Or your friend will die." He held Antonia as if to throw her into the white light. Antonia was trying very hard to be brave but Trip could see the fear in her eyes.  
  
"Fine, it's a weapon," said Trip. "But I can't tell you how to use it, because I don't know."  
  
"Then she dies," said the Klingon and drew his arm back, about to throw.  
  
"Wait!" shouted Trip.  
  
"How does it work?" asked the Klingon again.  
  
"It's a black hole generator," said Trip. Then there was the sound of phaser fire in the corridor.  
  
"You double crossed me," said the Klingon. "No one double crosses a Klingon." And he threw Antonia into the white light. Antonia screamed, putting a hand out to try and stop her fall. Then she was gone. Vaporised by the white light.  
  
"No!" shouted Trip. It was as if it had all happened in slow motion, he tried to move to save her but the Klingon holding him just gripped tighter. Then he didn't have a moment to think as Major Darwin and Sergeant Carter stormed into the generator room phasers blazing. In the confusion Trip got free and made his way to join the MACOs. The Klingons pulled out their weapons and began firing back. The phaser blasts hit some of the machinery in the room and a fire broke out. Smoke made it difficult to see more than a few feet in front of his face and he coughed as his lungs fought to draw in air.  
  
"Where's Antonia?" shouted Darwin.  
  
"Dead," said Trip. "Let's get out of here."  
  
One of the Klingons fired at Darwin and he ducked out of the way.  
  
"No!" shouted Trip, "the containment unit!" but it was too late. The Klingon's last phaser blast had missed Darwin, who'd shifted at the last moment, and the shot had gone straight through the panel behind him. He heard the hum of the room go quiet and then the ominous sound of bending metal as the black hole reasserted it's influence on the universe. Trip saw a small pin hole appear in the floor in a flash of white light as the black hole began its fall towards the centre of the planet. "We have to get out of here, now!"  
  
The MACOs and Trip made a run for it, firing back towards the Klingons as they ran. Trip pushed the door shut behind himself to slow down any Klingons who decided to follow them. They made it out of the building and ran for the shuttle. Trip was the last to board the shuttle and he hesitated slightly as he was about to get on. He couldn't believe that Antonia was dead. They'd never lost a member of the unit on a mission before.  
  
"Trip, get your ass in here!" shouted the Major and it was enough to jerk him out of his reverie. He jumped into the shuttle just in time to see the Klingons make it out of the building. The building crumbled behind them. "Go, go, go!" shouted Darwin to Fenner over the sound of the shuttle's engines.  
  
Trip collapsed in a seat as Fenner lifted them off the ground, the Klingons firing their weapons but they were already high enough not to have any worries about them hitting anything. Kanatova took one look at Trip's bleeding lip and bruised face and went to get the medical kit from the back of the shuttle. She tended to his cuts while Darwin watched with concern. Trip was semi-dazed, the adrenaline finally leaving his system and he began to shiver. Kanatova wrapped a blanket around Trip's shoulder and pressed a hypospray full of painkiller to his neck which made him feel slightly better. Even Kanatova's painkillers couldn't dull the pain of loss that he felt. He noticed that she was being more gentle than usual, being a MACO medic she was used to dealing with soldiers and was usually extremely businesslike in her treatment of minor injuries.  
  
Trip looked around at Darwin, defeat and pain in his eyes.  
  
"They killed Antonia," said Trip, "and I let them. All my training and I wasn't able to do a damn thing to stop them."  
  
"Trip, you were surrounded by Klingons. There was nothing you could have done," said Darwin.  
  
"There's more. When the containment unit was destroyed the black hole was able to start sucking in matter again. That generator is busy eating into the planet. Pretty soon there isn't going to be anything left of it. We killed those people, Major," said Trip.  
  
"It wasn't us, Trip, it was the Klingons. They're the ones who destroyed the containment unit," said Darwin.  
  
"If we hadn't been there, then they might never have found this place," said Trip.  
  
"You don't know that," said Darwin, but in his heart of hearts he felt it just as much as Trip. They had killed these people. "How long before the black hole destroys Faranor?"  
  
"Don't know. A small singularity like that, maybe a few hours, perhaps a couple of days," said Trip, gloomily. "The planet will be unstable long before it's destroyed."  
  
It was a very subdued group that returned to the Thak Tikh but they were met by Hathaway in the docking bay which was never a good sign.  
  
"Sir, the Klingons detected the shuttle launching from the planet," said Hathaway.  
  
"Get us out of here," said Darwin.  
  
"Rob, the Klingons can make warp six, we're only warp four capable," said Hathaway.  
  
Darwin knew they were in trouble when his first officer called him by his first name. "Then we'd better get moving," he replied dryly. "Trip..." he started.  
  
"I know, we need a constant warp four. I'm already on my way," said the Engineer, as he headed for the engine room, just as the Red Alert sounded across the ship, except this one was in Andorian so the screens flashed "Ngaaz Gook" in big Andorian script.  
  
Trip arrived in the Engine room to find Rush already there. He noted that they had just gone to warp and were already at warp three with their speed climbing.  
  
"Watch that inter-mix ratio," said Trip to Rush. "We're taking her all the way."  
  
"Yes, Lieutenant," replied Rush.  
  
They climbed steadily to their top speed of warp four. It was then that the problems began, the Thak Tikh may have been theoretically capable of warp four but that was on paper and they'd never taken her that high before or for a sustained period.  
  
"Eed! Buud aph leph!" shouted the computer. It flashed up on the screen as well, in giant red flashing Andorian letters.  
  
"What the hell does that mean?" asked Rush.  
  
"We're over heating," said Trip. His grasp of Andorian engineering terms had become pretty good over the past few years. "Trip to the bridge, Major we're going to have a core breach if we carry on at this speed for much longer."  
  
"How long before that happens?" asked Darwin.  
  
"Ten minutes, maybe twenty at most," replied Trip.  
  
"Eed! Buud moop toz thi!" said the computer.  
  
"Great, just great," muttered Trip. "Warp core breach imminent!" he shouted down to Rush. "We've got to figure some way to cool her down or else eject the core." Then the over heating core became the least of their problems as they felt the jolt of a Klingon disrupter hit their hull.  
  
"Eed! Duv kheezh!" shouted the computer.  
  
"Now what?" said Trip. He thumbed the com, "Didier, what the hell does "duv kheezh" mean?"  
  
"Oxygen leak," replied Didier without hesitation.  
  
"Trip to bridge, we're venting oxygen from sector...three, I'm closing the emergency bulkheads, get everyone out of there," said Trip.  
  
"Understood," replied Darwin. "The Klingons are still on our tail but we're trying to shake them. We're entering Vulcan space so hopefully they'll break off their pursuit then." In the background he could hear Hathaway and Carter calling weapon ranges to each other as they manned the Thak Tikh's guns.  
  
"Better be soon Major, we can't keep this speed up for more than a few more minutes, then we're back to impulse or I have to eject the warp core," said Trip. The ship reeled from another impact and a third. The last hit took out a plasma conduit which in turn blew out relays down the starboard side of the Thak Tikh in a cascade failure. The engine stuttered for a brief moment and then shut down propulsion completely. No matter what Trip did, he couldn't get it started again.  
  
"Beezh thooth!" shouted the computer.  
  
"Abandon ship," said Trip in a whisper. He never thought he'd be leaving the Thak Tikh like this.  
  
"That's all folks," came Darwin's voice over the com. "We're all out of options, get to the escape pods and abandon ship. We'll rendezvous on the nearest habitable planet."  
  
"You heard the man," he said to Rush, "get out of here."  
  
"What are you going to do?" asked Rush.  
  
"Set the self destruct," said Trip. Actually he didn't know how to set the self-destruct, he wasn't even sure that the Thak Tikh had one, but he did know how to over load the warp core. He dumped all the plasma into the engine, knowing that in the engine's already unstable state it would take about five or six minutes for it to go critical and then he ran for the escape pods. When he reached them he was just in time to see Darwin climbing into a two-man pod, he waited for Trip and then the two of them launched. The force of the exploding warp core pushed them away from their dying ship, just as the Klingons approached a little too closely and were singed by the blast. It was just enough to stop them from coming after the escape pods.  
  
Trip watched as the Thak Tikh blossomed into flame and he knew that he was flying away from the past three years of his life at the same time he was flying away from the Thak Tikh. The escape pods were programmed to make for the nearest planet with a breathable atmosphere. They formed a small fleet as they zipped through the silent stars. It took a few hours but eventually all five escape pods landed safely on a nearby planet.

* * *

"We were stuck on that ball of rock for a week before the ECS Jericho detected our homing signal and picked us up," said Darwin.  
  
Trip remembered it well, he'd had plenty of time while they were waiting to be rescued to brood over the events of the past few days and every time he thought about it, it was like someone had plunged a knife through his heart. At first they had all been too stunned to take in the magnitude of the disaster but as the days went by it hit home with its full force. Trip mourned for Antonia and marvelled at how a single life could almost mean more to him than the ten thousand that they'd also taken.  
  
"We were all hauled up before the General to explain what had happened, but nothing ever came of the investigation. After that they broke up the unit. I tried to persuade Trip to join my new team but he wanted to get back to research again," finished Darwin.  
  
There was a moment of silence, while Archer gave the two men in front of him a long hard look. Trip looked back at Archer nervously, he knew he was in big trouble this time. More than just big trouble.  
  
"I don't even know where to begin," said Archer. "Not only did you visit a pre-warp civilisation, irreparably contaminating their culture, but you ended up destroying their planet, killing ten thousand people and getting into a fight with the Klingons. You have no idea how much damage you may have done to intergalactic relations with that stunt."  
  
"And Antonia died for nothing," said Trip, his voice dull with past grief. "We didn't get the generator or any of the technology that we came for. I even had to leave most of her padds behind. There's a nice black hole growing where Faranor used to be."  
  
"Jesus Christ, what the hell did you think you were doing? I don't know how you can stand before me and tell me that you did this for Earth. You were completely irresponsible," said Archer.  
  
"I assume that you believe the ship on Deneb IV to also be carrying one of these singularity generators?" asked T'Pol.  
  
"That's pretty much the size of things," said Trip. "We think the ship belonged to the race that the Faranoans called the Builders."  
  
Archer pressed the switch on the com on his desk. "Archer to Mayweather, resume previous course at warp four."  
  
"Aye, sir," replied the young Ensign.  
  
"Thank you, Captain," said Darwin.  
  
"Don't thank me yet, Colonel. I will not allow a disaster of the magnitude of Faranor to occur again. T'Pol, I want you and Trip going over everything we have on that black hole generator. This time we're going to be prepared," said Archer.  
  
"Those files are classified," said Darwin.  
  
"Not any more," said Trip. "I'll get them for you, T'Pol."  
  
"Trip, she's a Vulcan," said Darwin.  
  
"Yeah, she is, but she's also Enterprise's Science Officer and my friend," said Trip.  
  
"If you do not wish me to talk about the information that you show me, then I will not do so," said T'Pol.  
  
"Thanks, T'Pol," said Trip.  
  
"What are you going to do about what we've just told you?" asked Colonel Darwin, looking pointedly at Captain Archer.  
  
"I don't know. I'm not even sure that there is anything that I can do since you were operating under orders from an authority within the Earth government. If it was up to me I'd throw both of you in the brig and court martial you," said Archer.  
  
Trip had never felt so worthless and miserable in his whole life. It had been bad enough after Faranor had happened, but somehow it was suddenly like a fresh wound in the face of his friend's condemnation. Darwin had the air of the guilty about him but he didn't seem to be fighting with himself in the same way that Trip was.  
  
"But it isn't up to you," said Darwin.  
  
"No it isn't, but I can make sure that you don't go down to that planet alone and I can make sure that we conduct the mission right this time," said Archer.  
  
"Captain, the less people who go near that thing the better. I have a pretty good idea how to disable it safely but I don't want anyone there who doesn't have to be," said Trip.  
  
"Let's get one thing straight, Commander," said Archer. "You don't have the right to have a say in what happens here, you lost that right when you lied to me about your past. We are doing this my way, as of now."  
  
"Yes, sir," replied Trip, in an unhappy tone. His Captain had just told him that he no longer respected his opinion and that hurt a lot.  
  
"Captain, with all due respect, this isn't your area of expertise or your area of command. Your orders from Admiral Forrest are very clear, you are to hand command over to me once we reach the planet," said Darwin.  
  
"Then be my guest, call up the Admiral and tell him what you just told me, Colonel. Tell him how you and your Special Projects unit killed ten thousand people and see what he has to say about your orders," said Archer.  
  
Darwin looked Archer in the eye, trying to work out if he was bluffing or not. In theory a Star Fleet Captain and a MACO Colonel were the same rank, but on board their own ship the Captain would always have authority. Unless, of course, they had orders from their superior to hand command over to the Colonel, it was why Darwin had been careful to get the proper papers of authority before he came aboard Enterprise. If they called Forrest then he would have to give out confidential details to the Admiral, which he didn't want to do. Far too many people now knew about Faranor. General Whittaker could speak to Forrest and straighten things out without giving the details but that could take a while. Archer had to be certain that Forrest would back up any decisions that he made, and Darwin didn't think it was worth wrangling over who got overall command of the mission with the Klingons breathing down their neck. As long as Archer got him and Trip to the Deneb IV, that was all that mattered. He had more important things to do before they got to the planet than argue with the Captain in any case.  
  
"I want it noted that you are going against direct orders," said Darwin.  
  
"Fine, so noted," said Archer. "You're all dismissed. I'll contact you when we reach Deneb."  
  
Trip had never been so glad to leave his Captain's presence and the accusing eyes that he felt burning into his back as he walked from the room.

* * *

"I just can't believe it," said Hoshi. It was lunch time and she sat in the mess hall eating with Travis and Reed. The Lieutenant had explained a little about Trip's time in the Special Projects Unit, enough to explain what had happened on the bridge and hopefully keep Hoshi and Travis from getting more curious, but he hadn't gone into details of individual missions.  
  
"Me neither," replied Travis.  
  
"Believe it," said Reed, "it's true. I've got the bruises to prove it."  
  
"And you're telling me that he's better at hand to hand combat than you are?" asked Travis in disbelief.  
  
"A lot better," said Reed.  
  
"It does explain a few things though," said Hoshi.  
  
"Like what?" asked Reed.  
  
"Oh the letters to a MACO Major named Hathaway, and Phlox isn't the only one who writes to a friend in the Interspecies Medical Exchange you know. Trip's been sending letters to a Doctor Anna Kanatova on Vulcan ever since we left space dock. Plus how many people do you know who know the Andorian word for Engine?" said Hoshi.  
  
"Well you do for one," replied Reed. "How did you ever find out that he knew what the Andorian for engine was? He's been very careful not to let anything slip."  
  
"It was when the Andorians found us in the Expanse," replied Hoshi. "We were having trouble with the Universal Translator making sense of the Andorian Engineering terms. Commander Tucker said something to one of the Andorians in Andorian as if he knew what it meant. I just assumed that he'd picked up a few phrases from the Andorians while they worked, but he seemed to know too much too quickly. It was only because he helped that we managed to get the translation program working for some of the really technical stuff. Come to think of it, I'm sure he avoided me for a couple of weeks after that, maybe it was because he didn't want me asking any questions."  
  
"I suppose that was one of those times when he knew his knowledge could save Earth and he just had to hope no one looked too closely," said Reed, "and no one would have questioned him on it if Colonel Darwin hadn't come on board."  
  
"Captain Archer looked really angry," said Travis.  
  
"Yes, well, I think you would be too if you'd just discovered your best friend of ten years was lying to you all that time, or at least keeping a very big secret," replied Reed.  
  
"Yeah, I mean you think you know someone..." said Travis.  
  
"It must have been awful for him," said Hoshi. "Imagine keeping a secret that big for all these years."  
  
"I think that's the least of his worries, Hoshi," said Reed.

* * *


	9. Chapter 9

Behind Blue Eyes  
  
By Thalia Drogna  
  
AN: Luckily Hawking's recent changes to his theory on black holes doesn't effect the physics that I'm using here. Thanks again to everyone who reviewed, you're the people I write for and your opinions matter to me.

* * *

"Commander," said T'Pol, sitting at a console in the command centre, "according to your calculations, the alien generator was capable of producing a terawatt of power."  
  
"That's right, about the equivalent of a hundred fusion power stations," said Trip. "I can work it through for you again, if you like." Keeping busy was the only way that he had of dealing with everything that was going on at the moment, he was certain that if he even stopped for a moment then he'd realise what a horrible situation he was in and break down. They didn't have time for him to indulge his emotions right now.  
  
"That will not be necessary. I have already checked your calculations."  
  
"Then what's the problem?" asked Trip.  
  
"That indicates that the singularity was 10 to the minus 21 metres across," said T'Pol.  
  
"About a millionth the size of a proton. So?" said Trip.  
  
"It is further evidence of the existence of micro singularities," said T'Pol.  
  
"Yeah, a hole that size weights about 100000 tonnes. Amazing, isn't it?" said Trip.  
  
"It is simply a scientific fact, Commander," replied T'Pol. "However, it is an energy source of some potential and I have a number of questions as to how it was achieved. I am particularly interested in the containment field and how it was able to neutralise the gravitational effect. Not only that, I would like to discover how they were able to capture the black hole in the first place."  
  
"The Builders had some pretty advanced stuff on Faranor," said Trip. "I'd say that capturing a black hole was fairly easy for them."  
  
"It certainly seems as if that is indeed the case," replied T'Pol. "We must find a way to disable the generator."  
  
Trip put a padd down in front of T'Pol. "I've been working on it," he said. "It's taken me a few years but I think I've worked it out."  
  
"You have been working on it?" asked T'Pol.  
  
"Well you didn't think that I'd have the specs for a piece of technology like that and not work out how it ticked? I've spent the past ten years trying to figure it out from the scans we took down on Faranor. Kind of like my way of repaying my debts," said Trip. "I was hoping that if I could figure out some way that I could use the technology then at least some good would have come out of the Faranor incident."  
  
"That is an extremely human response," said T'Pol. "You cannot change the past."  
  
"I'm not trying to change the past, T'Pol. Just atone for it," said Trip.  
  
"The Colonel was correct. It was not your fault that the Klingons destroyed the containment unit," said T'Pol.  
  
"It might as well have been," replied Trip. "If we hadn't been there then the Klingons might never have even come to that planet. They were looking for Andorians and detected our ship. If we hadn't had that ship there, then they would never have detected those readings and come looking. Antonia would still be alive and Faranor would never have been destroyed."  
  
"You do not know that. We have a lot of work to do, I suggest that we concentrate on that," said T'Pol.  
  
Trip and T'Pol had been working at the problem for hours. She looked over at Trip. He was standing looking at a screen and she noticed him put a hand to his head and close his eyes for a second as if he was having trouble concentrating.  
  
"When did you last eat?" asked T'Pol. She knew that neither of them had been to breakfast because they had been called to the bridge and it was now well past lunch time. Vulcans could go for days without food but she knew that humans could not without some ill effects.  
  
"Erm...I can't remember, a while ago I guess," said Trip.  
  
"It is unwise not to take in nourishment on a regular basis. We should stop and eat before we continue our research," said T'Pol.  
  
"I'm fine, T'Pol, you get something," said Trip. "I need to finish this."  
  
"I can get Phlox to order you if required," said T'Pol.  
  
Trip looked as if he might argue then nodded his head. It was late for lunch so the mess hall was mostly empty. Being late also meant that the selection of food was considerably less than usual but they both found something that they were happy with and sat down at a table near the windows.  
  
"You don't have to look after me, you know. I can take care of myself," said Trip.  
  
"That statement is obviously false, Commander. If I had not insisted that you eat then you would still be working," said T'Pol.  
  
"There's been a lot going on," said Trip.  
  
"Have you spoken with the Captain?" asked T'Pol.  
  
"Just this morning, you were there too," said Trip, deliberately misunderstanding what T'Pol had said.  
  
"I did not mean on ship's business," clarified T'Pol. "It is obvious that your relationship with Captain Archer has suffered due to Colonel Darwin's presence on board Enterprise."  
  
"I don't think we even have a relationship anymore, T'Pol," said Trip. "And I can't blame him for being angry at me. I lied and kept things from him, even though he's supposed to be my best friend. I don't know if we'll be able to work this one through."  
  
"It is beginning to effect crew morale," said T'Pol.  
  
Trip looked at T'Pol, slightly bemused. "Morale? I thought you didn't take notice of human stuff like that," he said.  
  
"On the contrary, as First Officer of this ship it is my duty to ensure its efficient running and on a ship crewed by humans that means taking emotional concerns into account," said T'Pol.  
  
Trip wondered if there was more to what T'Pol had said than that but he let it go. "Why would the crew worry about my friendship with Captain Archer. If most of them knew why we've fallen out then they'd probably stop speaking to me as well."  
  
"I do not believe that you have fully understood the dynamic of Enterprise," said T'Pol. "The crew respect both you and the Captain greatly. Your friendship has been a constant for them. It disturbs them when they see two of the senior officers having a disagreement of this nature, especially when they don't understand why."  
  
"Well it's none of their business," said Trip, a slight touch of anger entering his voice.  
  
"It may not be their business, but it does effect them," said T'Pol.  
  
"Yeah, well once this is all over, I won't be bothering them anymore," said Trip.  
  
"If you are speaking about tendering your resignation and leaving Enterprise then I think that would be a mistake," said T'Pol.  
  
"If the Captain and I are at odds all the time then I can't stay," said Trip. "It's just too hard, T'Pol, and it's no way to run a ship. He needs a Chief Engineer who he can trust and at the moment he doesn't think that he can trust me."  
  
"Perhaps you should postpone that decision until after we have completed this mission," said T'Pol.  
  
"What difference will that make?" asked Trip.  
  
"I have noticed that time can be very important in healing emotional rifts," said T'Pol.  
  
"I don't think it's going to work with me an' the Captain," said Trip. "It's just too big to get over."  
  
"What about the other members of the crew? You will be missed by them too," said T'Pol. She wanted to add that she would miss him, but somehow she couldn't bring herself to say the words. It was not appropriate for a Vulcan to be saying such a thing to human, even if she did mean it.  
  
"It doesn't matter if anyone else wants me to stay, a ship's crew is built around its Captain and if we're having problems then I can't stay. I know he'd never say outright that he wants my resignation. As he said, he can't fault my work, but on a personal level, I need to leave."  
  
This was tearing him apart inside. He'd hidden it for so long, trying to forget everything and now it had all come to the surface, he had to think about everything that he'd done. He didn't think anyone understood just how difficult it was to deal with, how hard it had been for him to lie to his friends.  
  
"If you still feel this way after we have completed our mission on Deneb IV then I will support your decision, however I am of the opinion that you should wait," said T'Pol.  
  
"Okay, T'Pol. Just for you, I'll wait and make my mind up after we're done on Deneb IV but I can't see that it will make much difference to what the Captain thinks of me," replied Trip. He decided that he didn't like this conversation anymore and changed the subject. "How long do you figure that ship has been on Deneb IV?"  
  
"It is impossible to discern at this distance from the scans that we have available," said T'Pol. "However, given the pattern of vegetation around the craft I would say that it has been there for some considerable amount of time."  
  
Trip nodded. They continued eating in silence. Trip would liked to have started a conversation but somehow talking about last week's movie night didn't seem to be appropriate given the circumstances. He was actually relieved when they returned to the Command Centre to continue their work on the scans which Trip had taken from Faranor.

* * *

Lieutenant Reed had just finished his shift and had decided to head for the gym. He had been spending a considerable amount of time there lately with Trip but they had postponed their latest session as Trip needed the time to work on the scans from Deneb IV. When the four officers had emerged from the Captain's ready room he had noticed a change in all of them and he was still wondering what had occurred behind that closed door. The Captain had passed him the schematics of what Special Projects had found on Faranor with orders not to divulge its contents to anyone. He was intrigued by the possibility of using a black hole as a weapon but had been able to discern very little about it's workings. He had decided to have another look this evening at the schematics, but he knew that his engineering ability wasn't up to Trip's level, and if Trip couldn't work out how it ticked then he had no chance. Even if it was a weapon, his area of speciality.  
  
He walked into the gym to see Colonel Darwin and Travis sparring on the mats. Darwin was easily getting the better of Travis. Reed recognised some of the moves that Trip had used in the Colonel's technique, there was no doubt in his mind who had taught Trip to kill. Reed also noticed how the Colonel held himself back, much like Trip had done. He wasn't at all sure that he liked a man who could and had killed with his bare hands sparring with Travis, who although pretty proficient himself wouldn't be up to Darwin's standards. Reed was finding that he had to be very careful which of Trip's buttons he pressed now that they had started their new training regime.  
  
Darwin knocked Travis onto the mat once more and noticed Reed watching them.  
  
"Lieutenant," said Darwin by way of greeting. "Can I help you?"  
  
"I was just interested in your technique," said Reed. "I don't think I've ever seen that move before. I'm pretty sure that it isn't part of the standard MACO training."  
  
"You're right Lieutenant, it isn't a standard part of MACO training. It's a Nausicaan move," said Darwin.  
  
"Perhaps you'd care to show me when you have some spare time," said Reed.  
  
"If Ensign Mayweather doesn't mind, I'd be happy to show you now," said Darwin.  
  
"Actually, I should really get going, I'm meeting Anna and Hoshi for dinner," said Travis. "They hate it if I'm late and they hate it even more if I haven't showered." He grinned broadly and grabbed his towel. "Night Colonel, Lieutenant."  
  
"Night Travis," said Reed. He strapped on the required protection for his hands and stepped on to the mat. If this went anything like his first encounter with the "real" Trip then he'd be spending most of his time on his back on the mat. "So where do you want to start?"  
  
"Why don't you show me what you can do, Lieutenant," said Darwin.  
  
Reed was beginning to get a sense of déjà vu, it was only a few days ago that he'd said something similar to Trip. He threw his first punch aiming to connect with Darwin's chin. The Colonel blocked of course and the two men went into a series of practised move and countermoves. Neither of them had trouble holding their own.  
  
"I get the impression that you don't like me very much, Lieutenant," said Darwin.  
  
"Why do you say that, Colonel?" asked Reed, aiming a sweeping kick at the Colonel's legs. Darwin moved out of range just in time to avoid the move taking his legs out from under him. It was true of course, the Colonel was exactly the type of military man that Reed had no time for. He only saw the mission and not the bigger picture. He saw how to get things done and not why they had to be done, exactly the kind of person who was needed in Special Projects, but Reed worried that his attitude would get them all killed.  
  
"You don't like secrets, or anyone knowing more about a situation than you do," said Darwin.  
  
"I don't like anyone putting Enterprise in danger," said Reed. "It's my job to keep everyone on this ship safe."  
  
"I haven't placed Enterprise in any danger," said Darwin.  
  
"I beg to differ, sir," said Reed, spitting out the word "sir" as if it were an insult.  
  
"Trip would be equally at fault if that were the case," said Darwin.  
  
"Trip was following your orders," said Reed. "You could have divulged the information at any time and not placed him in the position that you did. You're reckless, Colonel and you don't seem to have much regard for the men under your command."  
  
"That is where you're wrong, Lieutenant, I never left a man behind that I could save," said Darwin.  
  
"But you let Trip get captured and tortured," said Reed. Darwin gave him a look which indicated his surprise at the Lieutenant's knowledge. "Trip told T'Pol and she passed the information on to me. She thought I should know."  
  
"We were a covert military unit, Lieutenant, not a Sunday school class. What we did was dangerous work," said Darwin. "A week in sick bay was a small price to pay for what we picked up on that mission. Your phase cannons are based on that design."  
  
Darwin remembered what Trip had looked like when he'd pulled him out of the Kellarin prison camp. Trip had barely been conscious when they found him and had passed out completely when they reached the Thak Tikh shuttle. When Kanatova had got her hands on him, she'd spent the first couple of days flushing toxins out of his system and tending to the severe burns that she'd found all over his body. Kanatova was a good doctor and by the end of the week Trip was well enough to leave sick bay, but it took a lot longer than that before Trip was back on full duty. Darwin had cursed the fact that it was Trip who had been captured, he wasn't a MACO and was by far their youngest member.  
  
Of course what Darwin had never told Trip was that they had destroyed the prison camp before they left. He never asked Trip if he'd given up any information, it didn't matter to him because any information which Trip had given up had been destroyed in the explosion that they had set off. Darwin saw it as his mistake and his alone, so he had been the one to rescue Trip and he had been the one to plant the explosives. The one thing he never expected anyone else to do was pay for his mistakes and Trip had come very close to doing that.  
  
Reed took advantage of Darwin's momentary lapse of concentration to finally land a punch. However he didn't have time to enjoy his victory as Darwin took that moment to demonstrate the Nausicaan move which Reed had seen him use before. He had Reed on the floor before the Armoury officer knew what had happened.  
  
"I'd rather Trip hadn't been hurt than have the phase cannons," said Reed.  
  
"And how many other people would have died if it hadn't been for those phase cannons?" said Darwin, reaching down a hand to help Reed up.  
  
"The end doesn't always justify the means, Colonel," said a voice from the doorway. Reed and Darwin turned around to see Captain Archer standing watching them. "I think I know that better than anyone."  
  
"That's my workout completed for today," said Darwin, he collected his towel and water bottle and made for the exit.  
  
Archer put a hand on the Colonel's shoulder as he was about to leave. "Trip may not realise what you are, but I do," said Archer, quietly. "I'm going to be watching you very closely when we're on Deneb IV tomorrow."  
  
"I'm not the one you should be watching, Captain," replied Darwin.

* * *

It was late when Trip and T'Pol finally gave up and decided that they needed sleep before they could continue with their research.  
  
"Will you be able to sleep?" asked T'Pol as they made their way towards B deck and their quarters.  
  
"I'll be fine," said Trip. "Don't want to fall asleep on your floor again."  
  
"It was not a problem," replied T'Pol.  
  
"All the same, I think I'd better go back to my own bed tonight," said Trip.  
  
"As you wish," replied T'Pol. If Trip didn't know better then he almost would have thought that she sounded slightly disappointed.  
  
"G'night T'Pol," said Trip. He wearily thumbed the door opener and went into his quarters. He got undressed and fell into bed, so tired that his head barely touched the pillow before he was asleep.  
  
He dreamed about Faranor. Vast deserts stretching away for miles into the distance around the sand coloured buildings. A cold wind stirred up the sand, blowing it in waves across the dunes. He stood looking away from the city and saw a group of Faranoans approaching him. They wore long cloaks and their faces were covered by the hoods of their robes.  
  
"Welcome back to Faranor," said the lead figure in the group.  
  
"Erm, this isn't Faranor. Faranor was destroyed," said Trip. "This is just a dream."  
  
"We were there, we remember," said the Faranoan.  
  
"I know," said Trip. "Believe me, I know."  
  
"The Builders have a message for you," said the Faranoan.  
  
"They do, huh?" asked Trip, not really believing where his unconscious mind had decided to take him tonight.  
  
"You should not go to Deneb IV," said the Faranoan.  
  
"Really? Why not?"  
  
"Because it will place you in danger," said the Faranoan. "The Builders still watch over their property. They are very powerful. The Guardians will protect Deneb IV."  
  
"Deneb IV is uninhabited, there is no one to protect what's down there," said Trip.  
  
"That's where you're wrong, Trip," said another voice that he recognised. The crowd of Faranoans parted and revealed a smaller figure behind them. She threw back her hood.  
  
"Antonia," whispered Trip.  
  
"The Guardians protect Deneb IV just as they protected Faranor," said Antonia.  
  
"Faranor is gone," said Trip, a dark sadness entering his voice. "And you died there."  
  
"You can't go to Deneb IV. It's too dangerous for you and Enterprise. Go home, Trip. Before you get hurt," said Antonia and she turned and looked out into the desert. Trip followed her gaze. Suddenly the dunes of the desert were full of Faranoans and they all stood silently looking at him, only the glint of their eyes visible under their hooded cloaks. They stared at him and he could feel their accusation boring into him. He was the one who had killed them.  
  
Antonia pointed towards the distance. Far away a sandstorm was coming and it was in the shape of a Klingon battleship.  
  
"Run!" shouted Trip, but no one moved or even seemed to hear him.  
  
It swept towards them, rolling across the lines of the multitude of Faranoans and engulfing the small group who stood in front of Trip. Finally the storm rolled over Antonia, even as she pointed towards its approach. As it was about to swallow Trip as well, he jerked himself awake. He awoke sweating and breathing hard. He threw off the covers and made for the bathroom. He ran the cold tap and splashed water on his face.  
  
"Just a dream," he said, shakily to himself. "Just a dream."  
  
He filled a glass with water and was about to drink it when he looked up at the mirror. He saw his own reflection in the mirror but standing behind him was Antonia. Her dark eyes stared into his blue ones. He dropped the glass he was holding and turned around but there was no one behind him. It was only as he turned back to the mirror that he realised that he had cut himself on the glass he'd been holding. Blood mixed with the water in the sink and he stood rooted to the spot unable to move, staring into the mirror where half a second ago a ghost had appeared. 


	10. Chapter 10

Behind Blue Eyes  
  
By Thalia Drogna

* * *

When Trip finally did move it was to grab a towel and wrap it around his hand, which was now bleeding copiously. He guessed the cut from the glass was a deep one and from his experience of minor injuries in Engineering, hands tended to bleed a lot. He headed for sick bay.  
  
"Doctor?" he called as he entered. The sick bay lights were turned down as usual at this hour, it was the middle of the night for most of the crew and for Phlox's menagerie. Luckily Phlox didn't need much sleep so was always on hand for late night emergencies.  
  
"Commander, you're up very late," said Phlox, then he observed the hand wrapped in the towel that Trip was clutching to himself. "What happened?"  
  
"I went to get a glass of water and I dropped the glass. Think I sliced myself pretty good there's a fair bit of blood," said Trip.  
  
"Let me have a look," said Phlox, steering Trip to a biobed and sitting him down. He undid the bloodied towel and examined the wound. Trip's hand shook as the doctor held it. "Hmm, It doesn't seem to be too bad, although there is some glass still in the wound. I'll give you a local painkiller then we can remove the glass and dress the wound."  
  
"Thanks Doc," said Trip. He yawned.  
  
"What exactly were you doing up so late, Commander," Phlox asked innocently as he tended to the wound.  
  
"Just a bad dream," said Trip. "Woke me up."  
  
"I thought that T'Pol had resumed her neuropressure sessions with you?" said Phlox.  
  
"Yeah, except last night I was so tired that I fell asleep on her floor before we'd even got past the first position and we didn't finish up working until late tonight. Neither of us had enough energy for neuropressure after that," said Trip.  
  
"You know that I will not prescribe sleeping pills on a long term basis," said Phlox. "Especially given your medical history."  
  
"Hey, I didn't say that we were giving up on the neuropressure, it's just finding time to fit it in at the moment," said Trip.  
  
"Perhaps you should talk to someone about your dreams," said Phlox.  
  
"Who am I going to talk to Doc?" asked Trip. "The Captain and I aren't exactly on the best of terms, I'm imposing on T'Pol enough already and I don't think anyone else would want to listen."  
  
"I'd be prepared to listen," said Phlox. He picked out the minute pieces of glass that had become lodged in the cut and proceeded to clean and dress the wound.  
  
"Thanks Doc, but part of the problem is the stuff I dream I can't talk about, it's all classified," said Trip.  
  
"Perhaps you could leave out the names and places and just give me some idea," said Phlox.  
  
"Let's just say that I think I may have seen a ghost tonight," said Trip. "Someone who's death I'm responsible for."  
  
"I see," said Phlox. "Are you actually responsible for her death or do you merely feel responsible?"  
  
"What's the difference? She died because of me," said Trip.  
  
"The difference is probably why you are having these nightmares about her. Perhaps you should start from the beginning and tell me how it happened," said Phlox.  
  
Trip sighed. "Okay, Special Projects was on a mission to recover a piece of technology. We'd brought along a civilian archaeologist to help us out. The whole mission went to hell. The Klingons turned up and threatened to kill her if I didn't help them." Trip stopped, took a deep breath and continued. "I half co-operated, enough to keep both of us alive. Then the Colonel stormed in to rescue us. The Klingons weren't pleased about me lying to them, I'd told them that we were the only people there. And they killed her. They killed her in front of me and there wasn't a damn thing that I could do to stop them," said Trip, he felt tears in his eyes and he raised his good hand to wipe them away angrily. He couldn't be crying, this had happened ten years ago and he hadn't cried a single tear for Antonia in all that time.  
  
"It sounds to me as if the Klingons were responsible for her death," said Phlox. He finished bandaging the hand.  
  
"You don't understand," said Trip and he couldn't stop the tears this time. "All that training, I should have been able to save her. There's no point in learning to kill if you can't protect the people who mean the most to you. She was my friend and I let them kill her."  
  
"I doubt that you could have done anything to save her," said Phlox. "You were in an impossible situation."  
  
"Why couldn't they have killed me instead?" said Trip, through the tears. "She hadn't done anything wrong. I was the one who should have died down there."  
  
"No," said Phlox. He put a hand on his patient's shoulder. "You should never look at it like that. Your life is worth just as much as anyone else's. There is injustice in this life and as a doctor I have seen a lot of such things. Bright young people die before they should and that is a fact of our existence. Sometimes there is nothing to be done." The doctor looked at the man in front of him. He had never seen the Commander cry before and somehow it made him look so much younger. Trip was obviously exhausted from the events of the past few days, both emotionally and physically.  
  
"How did you drop the glass?" asked Phlox.  
  
"When I woke up I went to get some water and I looked in the mirror and I could have sworn that I saw her standing right behind me. And I guess I was startled and that's when I dropped the glass and it smashed in the washbasin."  
  
"When did you last have an uninterrupted night's sleep?" asked Phlox.  
  
"I don't know, a week ago maybe," said Trip. "T'Pol got me a few good hours last night." He sniffed trying to stop the flow of tears.  
  
The doctor went to his computer terminal and looked up Trip's medical records. Everything was there for him to see it now that he knew about the death of this young woman that Trip had obviously blamed himself for. That explained why the psychiatrists had been unwillingly to release him to duty immediately after he had returned from Mars, and it explained why he had been prescribed sleeping pills then for such an extended period of time. That was one of the reasons why Phlox had been unwilling to prescribe medication for a further extended period of time when they had entered the Expanse. It was easy to become dependent on medication without ever solving the underlying problems.  
  
"I haven't prescribed you a sedative for over a month, I think we might be able to risk one tonight," said Phlox. "However, given your general condition, I would prefer that you remain in sick bay tonight."  
  
Trip nodded. At the moment he'd do anything to get a good night's sleep and if that meant spending the rest of the night in sick bay then that's what it would have to be. They'd be arriving at Deneb IV tomorrow and he'd need to be sharp for that. Phlox loaded the hypospray and pressed it to Trip's neck.  
  
"Phlox, you don't have to tell the Captain about this, do you?" asked Trip.  
  
"Not if you don't want me to. Lie down, it will take a few minutes to work. I'll fetch you a blanket," said Phlox and Trip complied with his instructions, curling himself up as best as he could on the biobed. When the doctor returned Trip was already fast asleep. Phlox carefully placed the blanket over his patient.  
  
"When this is all over, you and I are going to have a serious talk about how you look after yourself," said Phlox to the sleeping Engineer. If Trip had been awake to hear him, he would have been dreading that talk already.

* * *

"T'Pol to Commander Tucker." T'Pol had gone to Trip's quarters but no one had answered her knocks so she had first over ridden his door code, worried when he didn't answer, and then, when she had found no one in, had gone to the com.  
  
"Phlox to T'Pol, Commander Tucker is sleeping. May I help you?"  
  
"What is the Commander doing in sick bay?" asked T'Pol.  
  
"I already told you, T'Pol, he is sleeping," said Phlox. "Perhaps you had better come down to sick bay and I will explain."  
  
"I am on my way," replied T'Pol and clicked off the com. She made her way down to sick bay as quickly as she could without seeming to rush. She entered sick bay to see Trip still fast asleep on a biobed, his right hand bandaged. "What happened?" she asked the doctor as he approached.  
  
"He came in late last night having cut himself on a glass. When I questioned him further he admitted to having been woken by a bad dream, and then startled by a reflection in the mirror. He thought he saw someone who had died a long time ago standing behind him and that prompted him to drop the glass. He was emotionally distressed and I thought it quite unlikely that he would be able to sleep on his own so I gave him a sedative. Given his emotional state I decided it would be better if he remained here for the rest of the night," said Phlox.  
  
"When will he awaken?" asked T'Pol.  
  
"In about an hour or so I should imagine," said Phlox. "He needs the sleep, T'Pol. He was completely exhausted. If this carries on then he may well have an emotional breakdown."  
  
"I realised that he was having trouble sleeping, however I was not aware that it was this severe," said T'Pol. "We should inform the Captain."  
  
"Commander Tucker asked me not to," said Phlox.  
  
"That is not in his best interests," said T'Pol.  
  
"Nevertheless," said Phlox. "That is what I am going to do. I suggest you "cover for him" until he is back on his feet."  
  
T'Pol raised an eyebrow at Phlox's use of human slang. "Very well," she said, clasping her hands behind her back. "Please tell the Commander when he awakens that I shall expect to see him in the Command Centre as soon as he has had breakfast."  
  
"Thank you, T'Pol," said Phlox.

* * *

Trip had woken up in sick bay to the sound of Phlox feeding his animals. He basked in the state between being fully awake and fully asleep, before he remembered why he was in sick bay and reality hit him. He'd been crying like a baby in front of Phlox and to make matters worse he was late for his meeting with T'Pol.  
  
"Doc, you should have woken me, I've got to get to work," said Trip, glancing at the chronometer. He still needed to get into a clean uniform and shower before he could go and meet T'Pol.  
  
"Don't worry, Commander. Sub-commander T'Pol is aware that you will be late. She came looking for you earlier and I explained the situation," said Phlox.  
  
"Great, that's just what I need. She'll tell the Captain and then I'll be in even more trouble," said Trip.  
  
"I asked her to keep your stay in sick bay confidential," said Phlox. "She agreed to comply with your wishes."  
  
"Thanks, Doc," said Trip with relief. He stretched. "That's the best night's sleep I've had in a long time."  
  
"I gather that there will be an away mission to the planet today," said Phlox as he watched Trip climb off the biobed.  
  
"Yeah, we need to go and have a look at the alien ship that's crashed down there," said Trip.  
  
"I want to see you as soon as you are back, Commander," said Phlox.  
  
"Why?" asked Trip. "All I needed was a good night's sleep. My hand wasn't even that bad. I'm fine now."  
  
"You should not be continually experiencing disruptions to your sleep and I think we need to talk about that," said Phlox.  
  
"If it's all the same to you, Doc, I'd rather not talk about it," said Trip. "My dreams aren't very pleasant at the moment and I don't think you want to hear about them."  
  
"If your dreams are as bad as you say then I certainly want to hear about them. It is as I said last night, you need to talk this through with someone and as your doctor I am the most obvious choice," said Phlox. "I think you should continue your neuropressure treatments with the Sub- commander but you also need to talk about this and stop keeping it all inside you. It is not doing your health any good, Commander."  
  
"I'll think about it," said Trip.  
  
"I suppose that is the best that I can hope for," said Phlox. "Now I have breakfast for you and after that you can go, but not before you have eaten."  
  
Trip considered pointing out that T'Pol was waiting for him and he didn't have time for breakfast but he knew the Doctor wouldn't give in on this point. He _was_ hungry too, having breakfast would make a nice change.  
  
Half an hour later he was on his way to shower and change, and when he eventually arrived at the Command Centre, T'Pol merely wished him a good morning and passed him the latest sensor data.

* * *

It was mid-morning ship's time when Enterprise reached Deneb IV. T'Pol and Trip had immediately begun their scans of the crashed ship, hoping to gather more information than the ESS Venture had been able to get from its scans. The two of them both stood at the Science station analysing the data as it came in. Trip had also found time to scrape together everything that he had left of Antonia's Builder language files for Hoshi to examine.  
  
"Any sign of the ESS Venture?" asked Archer.  
  
"I have her on the surface," said Reed. "She's about five kilometres from the alien ship. Seems to be intact, no signs of a crash, but I'm not reading any life signs."  
  
"What is the crew compliment of the Venture?" asked Archer.  
  
"She has a crew of fifteen, sir. Including the survey team," said Read.  
  
"No life signs at all?" asked Archer.  
  
"No, sorry sir," said Reed.  
  
"Get Darwin up here," said Archer.  
  
"He's on his way, sir," replied Hoshi.  
  
"What about the alien ship?" asked Archer, turning to T'Pol deliberately rather than Trip.  
  
"The readings are very close to those obtained from the generator on Faranor," said T'Pol. "We anticipate the black hole to be of a similar size and power output."  
  
Darwin stepped onto the bridge. "Captain, do we have a fix on the Venture?"  
  
"Yes, but we haven't been able to detect any life signs. What happened down there, Colonel?" asked Archer.  
  
"You know as much as I do, Captain," said Darwin. "The last contact we had with the Venture was ten days ago when they sent us the scans they'd taken and said they were going down to the planet."  
  
Archer looked around the bridge at his officers, there wasn't anything else they could do from here, they would have to go down to the planet. He didn't want to leave Enterprise with the Klingons on their way but he also didn't intend to let the Colonel lead the mission to the planet.  
  
"What's the ETA on the Klingons, Lieutenant?" asked Archer.  
  
"About six hours, sir," replied Reed.  
  
"Will that be enough time to do what we need to do, Mr Tucker?" Archer asked.  
  
"Should be plenty, sir, and if I have T'Pol's help it'll be even quicker," said Trip.  
  
"Fine, Commander, T'Pol, Hoshi, Colonel, you're with me. Malcolm you have the bridge," said Archer.  
  
"Yes, sir," said Reed, moving from his station to the Captain's chair as Archer and the away team headed for the turbo lift.

* * *

Deneb IV was about as unlike Faranor as it was possible to be, for which Trip was grateful. No deserts to remind him of his dream, instead Deneb IV's surface was covered with a dense rain forest. Unfortunately that meant landing the shuttle was difficult and when they had landed they had a fair walk across difficult ground to the two ships. It took them some time to reach the ESS Venture by hacking their way through the jungle. The Colonel was in his element, however Hoshi found it much harder going and looked worn out before they had even reached the Venture. Trip made a mental note to keep an eye on her, she would no doubt try to pretend that she wasn't having trouble keeping up but Trip knew better. Hoshi wasn't cut out for long treks through the jungle.  
  
The Venture was, as Reed had said, completely intact. There was no evidence of anything untoward having happened to her, except the complete absence of her crew. The away team split up into two groups, Hoshi, Archer and Darwin taking the forward sections, Trip and T'Pol going aft. They wandered through the empty corridors of the ship, scanning for anything unusual. It was almost as if the crew would return any moment, the lights were still on, instruments were still functioning, in fact a meal had even been left out on the table ready for people to eat.  
  
"It's like the Marie Celeste," said Trip as he scanned the food that had been left out. "This hasn't been here long, a couple of days maybe."  
  
"Marie Celeste?" asked T'Pol.  
  
"She was an old sailing ship. She was found adrift, everything was fine except her crew was missing. They found food still on the table and the lights on. It's one of the oldest ghost ship mysteries out there," said Trip.  
  
"There are no such things as ghosts," said T'Pol.  
  
"Until last night I would have agreed with you," said Trip.  
  
"We should finish up our scans and return to the rendezvous point," said T'Pol, looking around her at the deserted mess hall. The Venture was a small and compact ship, but, empty as it was, it echoed eerily. Despite herself T'Pol could not help but feel disquiet at being on this strangely silent and deserted ship.  
  
"I just don't understand it," said Trip as they made their way back to the centre of the ship. "They must have gone somewhere. They can't be dead, there aren't any bodies. But why didn't Malcolm pick up any life signs?"  
  
"If we knew that, Commander, then we would not have needed to come here," said T'Pol. They saw Archer and the other group coming down the long corridor from the other direction.  
  
"Did you find anything?" asked Archer.  
  
"No," said T'Pol. "It would seem that the occupants of this vessel left quickly."  
  
"I checked the logs," said Hoshi, "there are no entries made after they landed here. It's almost as if they vanished into thin air."  
  
"That is very unlikely, Ensign," said T'Pol.  
  
"Unlikely?" asked Hoshi.  
  
"Nothing is impossible, Ensign, especially given what we know about the Builders' level of technology," replied T'Pol.  
  
"Hoshi, did you download all the logs?" asked Archer.  
  
"Yes, sir," said Hoshi.  
  
"Good, then that's all we can do here for the moment," said Archer. "I have a feeling that the alien ship is the key to what's happened to the Venture's crew."  
  
"Captain, we don't have time to waste looking for the Venture's crew," said Darwin. "We have a weapon to find before the Klingons arrive."  
  
"I know what we're here to do, Colonel," said Archer irritably. "But if I can find the Venture's crew while we carry out our primary mission then I will do so. Let's go." Archer led the way out of the ESS Venture and across the short distance to the crashed alien craft. Trees and other vegetation had grown around it and over it, but the hull still seemed to be in good shape.  
  
"Well T'Pol?" asked Archer.  
  
"I am still not detecting any life signs. I would estimate that this ship has been here for over four thousand years, but the condition of the hull does not seem to agree with that estimate. The ship also appears to still have power, which given its age is unexpected."  
  
"Not given what we found on Faranor," said Darwin.  
  
"Yeah, but I couldn't explain that either," said Trip. "I wouldn't have even known where to start. I mean, this metal should definitely have degraded by now, but here it is just as shiny as if it rolled off the production line yesterday. Hell, Enterprise is in worse shape and isn't even a tenth this ship's age."  
  
Archer's communicator beeped. "Go ahead, Lieutenant."  
  
"Sir, we've detected a storm coming in towards your position," said Reed. "The weather cell formed unusually quickly and we have only just detected it."  
  
"How long before it reaches us?" asked Archer, he could already see dark clouds gathering in the distance and moving rather too rapidly towards them. The wind was also picking up.  
  
"About...s...mi..., sir."  
  
"You're breaking up, Malcolm," said Archer. "Say again." 

"Electrical storm... problem...won't be able to take off," said Reed.  
  
"You're still breaking up, but I think I got the gist," said Archer. "We've got no communications and we can't take off during the storm."  
  
"Captain...pl...repeat...leave now..." said Reed and then the communications cut out completely.  
  
"Lieutenant? Come in Enterprise," tried Archer but nothing was getting through.  
  
T'Pol took out her scanner. "The storm is creating an ionised layer that our communications cannot penetrate. I anticipate that we will also be unable to pilot the shuttle in this weather. We should consider leaving before the storm arrives, it is unlikely it will have passed by the time the Klingons arrive."  
  
"We can't leave until we've destroyed that generator," said Trip. "If the Klingons get hold of it..."  
  
"All hell will break loose," said Darwin.  
  
"The Klingons can't get down here if the storm is bad enough that we can't leave," said Archer.  
  
"That is not the case, Captain," said T'Pol. "Their shuttles are capable of riding out much more severe storms than those of Enterprise."  
  
"Then we'd better hurry up," said Archer. The wind was getting up and they needed to get to the shelter of the ship before the storm arrived.  
  
"There was a storm on Faranor," said Darwin, so quietly that only Trip who was standing beside him heard. Darwin watched as the trees around them swayed violently in the increasingly strong wind.  
  
They made their way to the alien spaceship and located the main hatch. Trip took out his electronic lock picking device and started working on the door.  
  
"How much longer?" asked Archer.  
  
"Almost there," replied Trip. There was a clank from the door and it opened a hair's width. Trip pulled it completely open and they all shuffled into the alien ship, out of the cold wind. Trip looked around himself in wonder at the alien ship design. It reminded him a lot of the city on Faranor, the corridors had the same lines to them as the ancient city. He had no doubts that this ship and the city on Faranor had been built by the same people.  
  
The corridor they stood in was wide enough for all five of them to stand across it and made of a brushed silver metal. The floor was made of the same material but roughened so that they didn't slip as they walked. Light came from the ceiling but no light fittings were immediately obvious. Every surface was completely clean and no dust had settled anywhere.  
  
"Hoshi, can you tell us which way to the generator room?" asked Archer.  
  
Hoshi looked at the markings on the wall in front of them and then down at the UT. "This way, I think," she said pointing down the corridor to the left. Even though Trip had apologised to her for the fact the files he'd given her were incomplete, it had been enough for the UT to get the basic grammar of the language. Antonia had a firm grasp of the basics of the language even if she hadn't been a linguist, but then the MACO linguist had obviously been very good and filled in the gaps for her. Sometimes just being good at phonetics and grammar wasn't enough to translate a language, understanding of the culture was equally important. She could imagine that Antonia and Didier had been a powerful team when it came to cracking the Builder's language.  
  
They made their way down the clinically clean corridors of brushed metal to what Hoshi identified as the generator room. Trip once again had to use the electronic lock pick to get the door open but eventually they had access. The five of them stepped into the room.  
  
"Exactly as I remember it," said Trip. The sphere in the middle of the room was supported by thin beams from the floor and the ceiling and in the corner sat the oval of white light. As before the light seemed to disappear when he looked at it and then follow him when he moved his head. The room had a quiet hum to it which he knew meant that the generator still functioned.  
  
Suddenly the quiet hum changed in pitch and Trip caught movement out of the corner of his eye. Standing in the white oval, outlined by the light, was a very familiar figure. She had long dark hair, dark eyes and wore exactly what she had been wearing when Trip last saw her on Faranor.  
  
"Antonia," said Trip.


	11. Chapter 11

Behind Blue Eyes  
  
By Thalia Drogna

* * *

"Antonia?" said Darwin, from behind Trip.  
  
"Hello Rob, Trip," said Antonia, stepping out of the white oval as if she were doing nothing out of the ordinary. Trip gave her a long look, her hair and eyes were just as Trip remembered but her skin now sparkled with a silver sheen. There was something different about her and it wasn't just the fact that she didn't seem to have aged a day.  
  
T'Pol looked down at her scanner. "I am not detecting any life signs."  
  
"You won't find any," said Antonia.  
  
"You died on Faranor," said Darwin, unable to believe the evidence of his own eyes.  
  
"Not exactly," said Antonia.  
  
"I saw you die," said Trip. "I've been grieving for you for the past ten years."  
  
"I'm sorry you had to go through that, Trip, but unfortunately I had no choice," said Antonia.  
  
"All that matters is that you're back now," said Trip.  
  
Antonia shook her head. "It isn't that simple. I may not be dead, but I'm not exactly alive either."  
  
"I don't understand," said Trip.  
  
"You don't have to," said Antonia, "you just have to leave."  
  
"My dream, last night, that was you?" asked Trip.  
  
"I had hoped that I might reach you that way," replied Antonia.  
  
"Hold it, we're not going anywhere," said Archer. "You have a lot of questions to answer, starting with where the crew of the Venture are."  
  
"Safe," said Antonia.  
  
"That isn't an answer," said Archer.  
  
"No, but it is all I can tell you," said Antonia.  
  
"Antonia, you can't just expect to come walking in here, back from the dead, and not have to answer a few questions," said Darwin. "Where have you been all this time? Why didn't you die? How did you get here?"  
  
"Rob, you wouldn't understand the answers if I told you," said Antonia. "And as usual you're asking the wrong questions. Now, Trip is thinking along the right lines."  
  
"I am? You can read my mind?" asked Trip. Antonia nodded. "That light, it isn't a weapon at all. You didn't die because it's a matter transporter of some kind. You just got transported somewhere else."  
  
"That isn't entirely correct either, but it is in the right ball park," said Antonia. "It is a transporter of kinds, or at least that is the only way that you could understand it. A better term would be "transfigurer", it changed me into what you see before you."  
  
"And what exactly is that?" asked Archer, suspiciously.  
  
"I'm a Guardian," said Antonia.  
  
"A guardian of what?" asked Archer.  
  
"I would have thought that was obvious, Captain. I am the Guardian of this. Of what the Builders left behind."  
  
"How did you become a "Guardian"?" asked T'Pol.  
  
"Well, Trip will have told you how the Klingons pushed me through the Aumshaya on Faranor," said Antonia. She turned to Hoshi, who was looking puzzled. "Sorry, Hoshi, Aumshaya is Builder for Bright Door, what they call the white oval light."  
  
"Oh thanks," said Hoshi and made a small adjustment to the UT. "How did you know my name?"  
  
"That's a tough one. Let me finish the rest of the story first. After I was pushed through the Aumshaya, I found myself with the Builders, in their domain. The Builders are an ancient race, they had a very high level of technology as you can see, but they no longer exist in this plane. They departed this existence and ascended to another level. They now live outside this universe and the Aumshaya is a gateway to their world. So after I was pushed through the Aumshaya, the Builders found me and took me in.  
  
The problem is that once you've traversed the Aumshaya you can't go back to how you were before, but I couldn't have existed in their universe as I was either. The Aumshaya transformed me into a being which could survive in both their universe and our own, well for a limited period anyway."  
  
"A limited period?" asked Archer.  
  
"I have to return to their universe otherwise I will cease to exist, I have a few years before that happens but I can no longer reside in this plane of existence permanently. The Builders can never return at all, when they ascended it was a one way journey," said Antonia.  
  
"If they are unable to return, why then did they build the Aumshaya?" asked T'Pol.  
  
"The Aumshaya were built in an earlier phase of their development, before they had obtained the knowledge to ascend. The Aumshaya is like a shortcut to the other plane, but as I said it isn't true ascendance. I will die one day, the Builders will not," said Antonia.  
  
"Why don't they just tell you how to ascend?" asked Archer.  
  
"Humans aren't ready for everything that would mean. My mind wouldn't be able to grasp it fully and would be destroyed by it. I would be immortal but insane. It is impossible for a race as young as ours to ascend. I have a hard enough time understanding the limited knowledge that the Builders have given me as it is," said Antonia.  
  
"You said you were a Guardian," said Darwin. "The Faranoans said the same thing. What does it mean?"  
  
"When the Builders ascended they left behind their technology. It was only when they ascended that they realised just how much damage that technology would do if it was found by the unenlightened. They have limited influence over this plane, but they also prefer not to get involved. They believe interference on their part contaminates this universe. So they appointed the Guardians, those, like me, who fell through the Aumshaya, and like the Faranoans. We're here to prevent the misuse of that technology, in this case the Doonshaya."  
  
"Dark Door, right?" asked Trip. "The black hole generator."  
  
"Well remembered. Doonshaya is the name applied to the whole device," said Antonia. "And we were right, about it also being possible to use it as weapon."  
  
"That does not explain how you know our names," said T'Pol.  
  
"The Guardians have access to a lot of the powers of the Builders. The Builders' plane intersects directly with ours and therefore they have access to all the events that have ever happened in this universe. They set up a sort of library for the Guardians so that we could look up any events that we required in order to carry out our task. The Builders view the events directly, but as Guardians we can't do that. I looked up Enterprise when they alerted me to the discovery of the ship on Deneb IV and who was coming to investigate it," said Antonia.  
  
"Captain, the Klingons will be here in under four hours," said T'Pol.  
  
"I can deal with the Klingons," said Antonia.  
  
"Antonia, you're not even trained in combat," said Darwin. "You can't take on a Klingon landing party on your own."  
  
"I've got some tricks of my own now, Rob," said Antonia.  
  
"No offence, but the Guardians on Faranor didn't do much good," said Trip.  
  
Antonia looked at Trip, she was about to say something when the Captain interrupted.  
  
"We don't have time for a debate. Commander, get working on that generator, we need to disable it. T'Pol and Hoshi help him," said Archer.  
  
"Yes, sir," replied all three and they went to work.  
  
"This is not necessary," said Antonia. "I will protect the Doonshaya."  
  
"If I could be sure of that then I would have no problem in letting you do it, but as much as I hate agreeing with Colonel Darwin, we can't let the Klingons have this technology," said Archer. "If they work out how to use it as a weapon then Earth could be in danger, not to mention Vulcan, Andoria and any other planets that the Klingons have in their sights. Or worse they might destroy the containment unit while they're trying to figure out how it works and the Deneb system would have a black hole eating away at it. There are two inhabited planets in this system and they both have more inhabitants than Faranor did. The stakes are high either way."  
  
"Do you really think that the Klingons will just leave Deneb IV once they realise that the Doonshaya is disabled? They'll want to try to fix it. I need to discuss this with the Builders. My instructions are not to interfere but if they give me special dispensation then I can and will stop all of this," said Antonia. "The Builders will not allow a young race to use their technology." She moved towards the Aumshaya.  
  
"Antonia," said Trip, looking up from what he was doing. "You can't go."  
  
"This isn't my world anymore, Trip. I'll be back in one hour," said Antonia, and with that she stepped through the Aumshaya once more, with a flash of sparks.  
  
"I can't believe that she's alive," said Trip.  
  
"I'm not sure that she is alive," said Darwin. "We can't trust her, she obviously considers herself to be one of these Guardians now."  
  
"Did it ever occur to you that maybe if you hadn't tied up the Faranoan Guardians that Faranor might still be there?" asked Trip angrily.  
  
"Yes, it did," said Darwin, "but I don't have time to second guess myself in the middle of a mission. I had a decision to make and I made it. It was the right one."  
  
"I'm not so sure," said Trip, he bent back to the circuit that he'd been working on.

* * *

Reed paced on the bridge of Enterprise. He didn't know how the Captain could do it, sit in his chair and not wander around the bridge checking out all the stations and their readouts. Lieutenant Hess sat at the Engineering station, she was trying to find a way for communication to penetrate the storm that was presently covering the away team's location.  
  
"Sir," said Travis, "you're going to wear a hole in the deck plating."  
  
"Sorry, I just don't like this. Anything could be happening down there," said Reed. "We can't even take a shuttle down until this storm clears."  
  
"Sir, I'm detecting a change in the Klingon vessel," said Ensign Rosario at the tactical station. "They've increased speed to warp five, which means they'll be here in less than an hour."  
  
"And with communications down we've got no way to contact the away team to tell them. Make sure you keep the planet between us and that Klingon ship, Travis," said Reed.

* * *

Trip and T'Pol stood examining the schematics that Trip had drawn up from his scans of the Faranor generator.  
  
"This is not the same design," said T'Pol.  
  
"Yeah, they made some changes for the portable model," said Trip. "We're going to need something to re-route the control circuits with. Maybe we could use the relay from your scanner?"  
  
"It would not be able to carry the required current," said T'Pol.  
  
Trip thought for moment. "The shuttlepod. The relays are rated for a much higher current. I'm sure I can find something that we won't need for the journey back. I'm going back to the shuttlepod."  
  
"Very well," said T'Pol.  
  
"We have less than three hours before the Klingons arrive," said Archer. "We don't have time to waste we need to disable this now, so be quick."  
  
"Captain, I'm sorry but I'm taking command of this mission," said Darwin. "My orders are to recover the technology, not disable it."  
  
"Hang on," said Trip. "You said we were going to disable it. It's too dangerous to take with us."  
  
"I never said that, my mission was always to recover the device," said Darwin. "Get it ready to be moved."  
  
"Colonel, I won't allow you to do this," said Archer. "That isn't why we're here. All we're doing is making sure that this doesn't fall into the hands of the Klingons."  
  
"Think about what it would mean for Earth if we can get this weapon working, Captain," said Darwin. "We'd never have to worry about another attack like the Xindi again. Surely you can see that."  
  
"Now isn't the time, Colonel. We have the scans. The Klingons will be at Deneb IV in less than three hours and we can't be here when they arrive," said Archer.  
  
"Why Captain? Are you afraid that they'll try to take you back to Rura Penthe?" asked Darwin.  
  
"No Colonel, I'm afraid that they'll destroy Enterprise and us when they get here because they don't want anyone to know that they've got this technology," said Archer. "In case you hadn't noticed, nothing has changed in the last ten years when it comes to being out-gunned by Klingon battle cruisers."  
  
"All we have to do is make sure that they don't catch us. Trip, get this thing ready to transport," said Darwin, turning to the Engineer.  
  
"Colonel, I can't do that," said Trip, looking his former CO right in the eye.  
  
"What? Commander, I gave you a direct order," said Darwin.  
  
"I'm sorry, sir, but I'm not under your command anymore. I'm not in Special Projects now," said Trip.  
  
"God damn it, where are those instincts I recruited you for. You lost your sister to the Xindi attack, you of all people know how much a defensive weapon could mean to Earth," said Darwin.  
  
"That isn't it, sir," replied Trip. "This is a dangerous piece of technology, if I make one wrong move then there'll be a black hole eating its way through the Deneb system. Imagine what would happen if the same thing was on Earth. If it malfunctioned or was damaged then there would be no Earth. We wouldn't have to worry about attacks from aliens because we'd have wiped ourselves out."  
  
"You're not commander of Special Projects anymore, Colonel," said Archer. "We have to account for our actions and I'm not prepared take the risk of Faranor happening again."  
  
"You're making a big mistake, Captain," said Darwin.  
  
"I don't think so," said Archer. "Trip, get going. We need that part from the shuttle."  
  
"Yes, sir," said Trip and left to make his way back to the shuttle. It was only as he stepped out of the Builder vessel and into the storm outside that he realised that the Captain had called him by his nickname for the first time in days.  
  
Archer turned to Hoshi. "Download as much of their database as you can. We're destroying them before we leave."  
  
"Yes, sir," said Hoshi and moved to the computer terminal near the door. "I'll get as much as I can."  
  
"How much can you do while Trip's getting that part?" Archer asked T'Pol, going over to where she was working on the machine.  
  
"There is a considerable amount of work to complete before the relay is required," said T'Pol.  
  
"Can I help?" asked Archer.  
  
"That would be useful. I require someone to hold this circuit while I reconnect these transfer wires," said T'Pol.  
  
"No," said a voice from the doorway. "You will stop what you are doing and step away from the machine." There stood a Klingon with a knife in his hand, that was pointed at Hoshi's throat. 


	12. Chapter 12

Behind Blue Eyes

By Thalia Drogna

AN: I'm re-posting this chapter to correct a small formatting error. Thanks to Cha Oseye Tempest Thrain for spotting it.

* * *

I have hours, only lonely,  
My love is vengeance,  
That's never free. 

– Pete Townshend, The Who

* * *

It didn't take as long for Trip to make his way back to the shuttlepod as it had taken for them to get there, but the weather was much worse than when they'd entered the ship. He entered the shuttlepod and shook off the water from his jacket, although he didn't know why he was bothering as he was already soaked through to the skin. He pulled off the panel and disconnected the relay which he had identified as surplus to requirements. It was part of the air recycling system which they wouldn't need for the short journey back to Enterprise. 

He tucked the relay into his jacket pocket, put his collar up against the rain and wind and climbed out of the shuttlepod. He jogged back through the jungle to the Builder ship. He pulled open the door and went towards the generator room. He could hear voices as he approached and some of them were definitely talking in Klingon. The door was slightly ajar so he was able to see in.

"Hand over your weapons or the girl dies," said the Klingon. Archer, Darwin and T'Pol handed over their phase pistols.

"Commander Kartok," said Darwin. He looked at the four Klingons that now stood in the generator room, one of whom held a Klingon D'k tahg knife to Hoshi's throat. Archer had the distinct impression that Darwin had met this Klingon before.

This can't be happening again, thought Trip as he watched. It can't be. His brain worked furiously on how he could resolve the hostage situation. If he fired his phaser then he risked hitting Hoshi, or worse, the Klingon killing her if he missed. He would only have seconds to react before the Klingon made his move, whatever he did.

"Colonel Darwin," said the Klingon. "You're still alive."

"I'm hard to kill," said Darwin.

"And Captain Archer," said Kartok. "It will make the High Council very happy when I bring you home as a prize."

"You don't know what you're playing with here," said Archer.

"I was on Faranor, I know exactly what we're dealing with," said Kartok. "That is why I'm here, to recover this weapon for the Klingon Empire. Now tell us how we can move it, or the girl dies."

"It is not a simple procedure," said T'Pol.

Kartok moved the knife so that it nicked Hoshi's neck and drew blood. Hoshi gasped.

"No!" shouted Trip, bursting through the door. He jumped Kartok, who cast Hoshi to one side to deal with Trip's attack. Hoshi landed hard on the floor and was dazed by impact, smacking her head against the wall as she fell. Trip had bet on Kartok's warrior instincts that he would prefer to fight than hold onto Hoshi when someone attacked him.

Trip had Kartok down on the floor as his MACO instincts took over and the two wrestled for the knife. Darwin took the opportunity caused by the confusion to attack one of the other Klingons, Archer and T'Pol took care of the final two.

T'Pol's strength was equal to that of the Klingon and she had the advantage of her Vulcan martial arts training as Klingons were used to applying their strength rather than their intelligence. She used the momentum of the Klingon's original attack to knock him out against a bulkhead and then turned to find Archer still struggling with his opponent who was attempting to strangle him. She pulled the Klingon off her Captain and used a Vulcan neck pinch on him, watching as the Klingon crumpled to the floor.

Trip meanwhile still fought with Kartok for possession of the D'k tahg, the Klingon was strong and it took all of Trip's strength to keep the knife away from his throat. They had reached a stalemate but Trip knew his strength wouldn't last as long as that of his Klingon adversary. He changed tactics, he allowed his arms to weaken and Kartok fell forward just as Trip rolled out of the way, grabbing the knife as he rolled. He turned and had the knife at Kartok's neck before the Klingon realised what had happened. All his instincts screamed at him to slit the Klingon's throat. This was an enemy and one who had held his friend hostage and was responsible for Antonia's "death".

"Trip, no!" said Archer. "Don't do it."

Darwin was still fighting with the remaining Klingon but now had his opponent in a head lock. He snapped the neck of the Klingon with practised accuracy.

"What are you waiting for, Trip?" asked Darwin.

"No," said Trip. "I'm not a killer anymore." He pushed Kartok to the ground and dropped the knife on the floor, his breathing was laboured from the fight still. He looked down at Kartok, the Klingon's disrupter was still in its holster at his belt. He bent down to remove it and as he reached down, Kartok grabbed the knife and plunged it into Trip's stomach. Hoshi screamed. Kartok pulled the knife out again, eliciting a low moan from Trip, and threw it to one side as he took his disrupter from its holster.

"Trip!" shouted Archer as he watched Trip fall to his knees a look of surprise on his face. Archer quickly moved to Trip's side lowering him to the floor gently. Trip clutched at his wound as blood welled around his fingers, his face still contorted in shock and pain. Archer looked down at Trip and felt anger build in him, he started to launch himself at Kartok.

"Stop!" shouted the Klingon, pointing the disrupter at Archer. "Or you will join Tucker."

Archer felt all his fight drain out of him. There was nothing that he could do. Kartok held the only disrupter and he had no doubt that the Klingon wouldn't hesitate to kill anyone who moved against him. All Archer could think about now was the fact that he had a wounded man who he had to protect. Archer moved back to Trip. The other two Klingons staggered back to their feet, retrieved their disrupter pistols and went to stand beside their commander.

"T'Pol, I need something to stop the bleeding," said Archer. He pushed Trip's shaking hands out of the way and put pressure on the wound, but he knew it wouldn't be enough. The wound was serious, they needed to get Trip back to Enterprise as soon as possible. T'Pol removed her jacket, tore off the sleeve with typical Vulcan proficiency and passed it to Archer who used it to help him stop the flow of blood.

"C-captain," said Trip, his voice quiet and halting, he had to take a deep breath before he could continue, "I, I'm sorry...was stupid."

"No, Trip, don't try to talk," said Archer. "Don't worry we're going to get you out of here and back to Phlox in no time. Just hang in there."

Darwin came over to join Archer at Trip's side. "This is your fault, Archer, I told you I wasn't the one you needed to watch. You made him doubt his instincts. That Klingon should be dead." He looked down at Trip and shook his head sadly. "Why didn't you kill him when you had the chance, Trip?"

"Not...not a...killer anymore," stammered out Trip, he was shivering a little.

"Shhh, Trip, just lay quiet," said Archer, he shrugged off his jacket quickly and placed it over Trip who was fading fast. "Trip, stay with me." Trip's skin was becoming pale and damp with sweat but he looked up at the face of his Captain. Archer was worried, Trip was losing a lot of blood and he was going into shock.

"Let him die with honour, he fought well," said Kartok. "I want that generator, or more of you will die and you will die without the honour of this one." He picked up Hoshi from where she lay on the floor with tears in her eyes looking desperately at Trip. "Tell me how to disconnect the generator and take it to my ship or this one dies too."

"It is impossible," said T'Pol. "The generator is powered by a black hole which is one of the densest objects in the universe."

"And yet these Builders managed to place one aboard a ship," said Kartok. "I know it isn't impossible, Vulcan. So I suggest that you start working before I am forced to show you that my intentions are sincere and kill this human." Hoshi closed her eyes as he pressed the disrupter to her head.

"Very well," said T'Pol. "This will take some time."

"You have as long as it takes me to get bored. I warn you that I get bored easily," said Kartok.

"T'Pol..." began Archer.

"We have no choice, Captain," said T'Pol, she turned back to her work.

"T'Pol...don't do it," said Trip, weakly. "It's Faranor all over again."

"Shut up," said Kartok and kicked Trip's leg. Trip winced with the pain.

"Leave him alone," said Darwin, standing to face the Klingon. "You call yourself honourable and yet you kick a wounded man."

"What would you understand about honour?" spat Kartok. "Because of you and your men I was dishonoured by the incident on Faranor. I went to Faranor to bring glory to Empire and instead my ship was damaged when yours exploded, and I had nothing to show for the encounter. A warrior should either die in battle or succeed there is no middle ground. It has taken me this long to regain my standing."

"That isn't my concern," said Darwin. "Take what you need and leave."

"I intend to," said the Klingon.

Trip lay wondering if Kartok meant what he said or if he intended to kill them all before he left. He was drifting in a sea of pain on the edge of unconsciousness but he was awake enough to understand what was going on. Then he heard the distinct change in pitch which he knew must mean that someone was coming through the Aumshaya.

"Antonia," he whispered, almost too quietly for Archer to hear but it was enough to give him a warning before the slender figure stepped through the white light. Behind her another figure stepped out of the white light and Darwin recognised him as the lead Faranoan that he had spoken to all those years ago on Faranor. Antonia took a few seconds to take in the scene around her, her expression briefly changing when she saw Trip lying bleeding on the floor.

"Commander Kartok," said Antonia, in a disappointed tone, as if she were talking to a disobedient child.

"You," said Kartok. "But you died on Faranor. I killed you."

"No you simply facilitated my transfiguration," said Antonia. She waved her hand and Kartok's disrupter was suddenly in her hand. She threw the pistol into the Aumshaya and it disappeared. Kartok was livid with anger, but before Kartok could react Antonia had moved and was standing in Hoshi's place. Hoshi stood dazed exactly where Antonia had been only a second before. "You can try to hurt me," said Antonia, "but you won't succeed."

The Faranoan used the same trick as Antonia and suddenly he held two disrupter pistols which followed Kartok's disrupter into the Aumshaya, disappearing in a shower of sparks.

Kartok closed his hand over Antonia's throat and squeezed but nothing happened. Archer watched with interest as Kartok tried desperately to strangle Antonia, but she remained unaffected. Antonia reached up and took Kartok's arm, she lifted him into the air, ignoring his expression of pure surprise and threw him against the far wall of the generator room. His head hit the wall hard and he slid to the ground unconscious.

"Take your Commander, the body of your fallen warrior and leave," said Antonia to the other two Klingons, her eyes flashing with gold sparks. "The Guardian of Deneb IV commands it."

The Klingons didn't wait to be asked again. They scooped up the dead Klingon and Commander Kartok and retreated out of the room, shouting loudly in Klingon as they went. Antonia, crouched down beside Trip.

"You need to go as well," she said looking at Archer. "Trip, why did you do this? You knew I was coming back."  
  
"I couldn't wait," said Trip. His breathing was rapid and shallow but he didn't seem to be getting enough air into his lungs. "He was...hurting...Hoshi. It was just like before. Just like...when you died."

"You stubborn fool," she said softly to him, it was obvious that she didn't mean it.

Trip's eyes closed. "Come on Trip, stay with us just a little longer," said Archer.

Trip opened his eyes again, they felt as it they were weighted down. "Sorry...Captain, don't think I can." He closed his eyes again and this time they stayed closed.

"Trip?" asked Archer. The Engineer didn't stir. Trip's life was slipping through his fingers.

"I can use my power to transport you back to your shuttle but you must let the Guardians deal with the Doonshaya," said Antonia. "Lije will remain to do what needs to be done," she added indicating the Faranoan.

"What about the Venture crew?" asked Archer.

"They will be returned," said Lije.

"Let's get out of here," said Archer.

"Captain, how do we know that we can trust them?" asked Darwin.

"We don't, but right now my top priority is getting Trip back to Enterprise," said Archer.

Darwin looked as if he might argue but simply nodded his agreement. "Let's go," he said echoing Archer.

Antonia waved her hand and they were back on the shuttlepod.

"Get me the medical kit," Archer said to Hoshi, and she went to the back of the shuttle and found the medical kit that both shuttles were equipped with. "T'Pol, get us back to Enterprise and step on it." Hoshi handed her Captain the medical kit and he replaced the makeshift bandage on Trip's wound with a sterile pad, he hoped it would be enough until they could get Trip back to Phlox. He took out the medical scanner and checked Trip's vital signs, they were weak and somewhat erratic but still present.

"Captain, we cannot take off while the storm is still present," said T'Pol looking at the readings on her scanner.

"That shouldn't be a problem," said Antonia, she waved her hand once again and the weather began to brighten rapidly. "You can takeoff now, Sub-commander."

T'Pol immediately went to the pilot's seat and readied them for takeoff. Archer strapped Trip down on one of the benches in the back of the small craft and then took up position so that he could maintain pressure on the wound. Antonia sat on the opposite bench watching him. Once everyone was strapped in he gave T'Pol the okay to lift off.

"T'Pol, call Enterprise, tell them that we're on our way home," said Archer.

"Yes, Captain," replied T'Pol. "T'Pol to Enterprise."

"Go ahead, T'Pol," said Enterprise, it was unmistakably Lieutenant Reed's voice.

"We are on our way back, please have the Doctor standing by for our arrival. We encountered some Klingons and Commander Tucker has sustained a serious stab wound," said T'Pol.

There was the briefest of hesitations before Reed replied. "Understood, Enterprise out."

T'Pol piloted them expertly back to Enterprise while Archer desperately tried to keep Trip alive. His skin had taken on a greyish colour and was beaded with sweat. Archer's hands were covered in Trip's blood and the flow showed no signs of abating.

"Captain, we're about to dock," said T'Pol finally.

The medical scanner beeped urgently at Archer, he checked the scanner. Trip had gone into cardiac arrest.

"Trip, don't do this to me," said Archer as he moved to start heart massage. Darwin was suddenly beside him applying pressure to the wound as Archer had been doing. He barely registered as the shuttle landed. T'Pol opened the hatch and Phlox entered with two medical technicians.

"Captain, you must let me work," said Phlox, and Archer moved to one side to let Phlox take over but continued the compressions.

Phlox pressed a hypospray to Trip's neck and placed an Oxygen mask over his nose and mouth. He scanned Trip and injected him with another hypospray. The doctor checked the scanner again.

"You can stop now," said Phlox.

"Doctor?" asked Archer urgently, he was worried Phlox meant that Trip was dead, but, no, there was the shallow rise and fall of Trip's chest. It wasn't strong but it was there.

"I've managed to stabilise him for the moment but I need to get him into surgery immediately. His condition is critical. He's lost a considerable amount of blood and Klingon knives are not the most sanitary of instruments," said Phlox. He was already ushering in the medical technicians with a stretcher. They carefully loaded Trip onto the stretcher and carried him out of the shuttlepod.

Archer made to follow, but Phlox put at hand on him. "There's nothing you can do in sick bay. I need to operate and I won't be able to tell you anything until I'm done."

"I want to know as soon as he's out of surgery," said Archer.

"Of course," said Phlox and then he was gone, rushing Trip to sick bay.

Archer sighed and hung his head. Lieutenant Reed, entered the shuttle.

"Sir, what happened?" said Reed. He'd seen Trip on his way to sick bay and the Engineer hadn't looked at all good.

"Klingons," said Archer. "One of them stabbed Trip."

"He was trying to save my life," said Hoshi, looking very upset.

"We detected a shuttle launch from the Klingon vessel but we didn't have any way to warn you," said Reed. "I'm sorry, sir. Is Trip going to be alright?"

"We won't know until the doctor has operated." Everyone looked drained and worried, and it struck him just how much Trip meant to them all. He paused collecting himself. "That storm, anything to do with you?" said Archer, turning to Antonia.

"A side effect produced when we use the Aumshaya, it causes weather disturbances," said Antonia.

"But on Faranor we were in the room the entire time and we never once saw the Aumshaya used," said Darwin. "Well, until you were pushed through it."

"You're assuming that there was only one Aumshaya on Faranor," said Antonia.

"I think it's time that you told us what you did with the Venture crew," Archer said.

"They were always here," said Antonia, "just moved sideways, out of the way, so that they would not investigate the Doonshaya. That's the only way that I can explain it to you. Lije will return them once he has done what he needs to do with the ship."

"Why couldn't you just do that with the Klingons?" asked Archer.

"It would have changed nothing," said Antonia. "I can't permanently remove people from this universe and when they returned they would have come back for the Doonshaya. The crew of the Venture had played their part and could be moved temporarily without the Builders compromising their non-interference policy."

"I still don't understand why if you could remove the Venture crew out of harm's way, why you couldn't protect Trip," said Archer.

"It doesn't work that way," said Antonia. "I couldn't have prevented the death of the Klingon and I couldn't prevent Trip being stabbed. The Builders will not let me interfere to that degree. I may have overstepped my bounds even doing what I did. I will have to answer for my actions to the Builders."

"What about the Faranoans? You said the Builders didn't want their technology to cause harm," said Archer. "It ended up destroying an entire planet."

"It destroyed the planet but the Faranoans are still alive," said Antonia.

"What?" asked Archer, "how is that possible? Their planet was destroyed by a black hole. They were a primitive race with no technology that would have allowed them to escape."

"They were a race without technology," said Antonia, "that doesn't equate to primitive."

"How does that change anything?" asked Archer.

"The Faranoans ascended, they became like the Builders," said Antonia. "The Faranoans are a far older race than we originally believed them to be. My human self made the same mistake of assuming that because of their lack of technology they were uneducated. Mentally they were very advanced."

"So you're telling me that the only person who died on Faranor was you? And you didn't really die anyway."

"That's right," said Antonia. "The Builders would never have allowed all those people to die. In the end the Klingon destruction of the Doonshaya served their purposes. It was the prompt the Faranoans needed to ascend and no one can ever use the Faranor Doonshaya now the mechanism has gone."

"Mayweather to Captain Archer," said the com.

Archer went to the com. "Go ahead Travis," said Archer.

"Sir, we're being hailed by the Klingon vessel. They want to talk to you and they don't sound happy," said Travis.

"I'm on my way," said Archer.


	13. Chapter 13

Behind Blue Eyes

By Thalia Drogna

* * *

Archer reached the bridge and his officer's filed out to their stations. The Engineer's station was conspicuously empty. Antonia stood behind Archer and Darwin moved to look over Lieutenant Reed's shoulder. On the view screen hung the ominous form of a Klingon battle cruiser.

"Put him on Hoshi," said Archer.

"Yes, sir," replied Hoshi.

"Commander Kartok," said Archer, as the Klingon appeared on the screen.

"You have no honour, Archer," shouted the Klingon. "I am giving you the opportunity to surrender before we blow you out of the sky. I would prefer to take you and Colonel Darwin back to the High Council alive, but if necessary evidence of your deaths will suffice for me to reclaim my honour."

"We're not going to surrender," said Archer. "You're not getting that weapon."

"Then so be it, your life and those of your crew are forfeit. By the way, how is your Commander Tucker?" asked the Klingon grinning evilly.

"Shut him off, Hoshi," said Archer angrily.

"My pleasure, sir," replied Hoshi, cutting the circuit. The view was once again of the Klingon battle cruiser.

"Lieutenant, how do we match up against that Klingon battle cruiser?" asked Archer.

"Not very well. They're armed with disrupters and their hull plating strength is impressive," said Reed.

"Sir, we're being hailed by the Venture on the surface," said Hoshi. "They want to know what's going on and when we arrived. According to their sensors we weren't here a second ago."

"Lije has returned them," said Antonia, "but as far as they're concerned they never disappeared."

"Sir, the Klingons are lining up for an attack run. It looks as if they're going to try to hit the Venture on the surface before she can takeoff," said Reed.

"Hoshi, tell them we'll explain the whole thing later. Right now they need to takeoff," said Archer.

"Aye, sir," replied Hoshi.

"Travis get us between the Klingons and the Venture," said Archer. There was no way the Venture could defend itself against a Klingon battle cruiser, at least Enterprise would have a fighting chance.

"Captain, our hull plating won't be able to take many hits from the Klingon ship," said Reed.

"I'm aware of that, Lieutenant, but the Venture doesn't stand a chance unless we help them out," said Archer.

"Captain, I am detecting a power surge from the Builder vessel, it appears to be moving," said T'Pol.

"Antonia, what is Lije going to do?" asked Archer.

"Remove the ship from this area of space," said Antonia. "It's time for me to leave, but I need to do something first. I'm going to get into a lot of trouble for this."

"What are you going to do?" asked Archer, he hated being out of the loop and was more than a little worried about what Antonia had planned.

Antonia went to the view screen which showed the Klingon battle cruiser that was about to begin its attack run. She flicked a hand as if she was swatting a fly and the ship disappeared.

"Let me guess," said Darwin. "You temporarily moved them out of the way."

Antonia nodded. "They will return in one hour, that should be enough time for you and the Venture to escape if you leave now."

"You said the ship was being removed from this area of space," said T'Pol. "Where is it being moved to?"

"What happens when you add a black hole to another black hole?" asked Antonia.

"The mass of the two black holes is combined," replied T'Pol.

"He's taking it to Faranor?" asked Darwin.

"Yes," said Antonia.

"You said you'd be in trouble," said Archer.

"I should have let you fight your own battle," said Antonia. "I have interfered and I may well have changed the course of history. I will have to answer for that to the Builders."

"What will happen to you?" asked Archer.

"I don't know, no one has ever disobeyed the orders of the Builders before. It is likely that I won't be allowed to enter this plane of existence again, but I think that's a small price to pay for my actions," said Antonia. "Anyway, my chariot awaits. It was nice to meet you all. I wish I could say au revoir but I'm pretty sure this is goodbye." She stood in the middle of the bridge one moment and the next there was a white flash and she was gone.

The Builder vessel hung in space above the planet, a huge majestic craft of silver metal. It gracefully turned so that its nose pointed away from the planet and the Deneb system. Then it disappeared in a blast of white light that for a few seconds blinded everyone who had been looking at the screen.

"Sir, the Venture is ready to proceed on to Sigma," said Hoshi.

"Mr Mayweather, get us out of here. We're escorting the Venture to her next destination," said Archer. "Colonel Darwin, my ready room, now."

* * *

Archer sat down at his desk in his ready room. Darwin stood in front of him once more.

"I hope that you're satisfied, Colonel," said Archer bitterly.

"That the mission is over? Yes, I'm satisfied. At the way it turned out? No," replied Darwin. "If I could have done anything to stop Trip being injured then I would have done it."

"I want you off my ship as soon as possible," said Archer.

"I must ask you to keep the events on the planet confidential," said Darwin.

"You can ask, but I'll still be sending Admiral Forrest a detailed report," said Archer.

"Captain, you are endangering the security of Earth. If word of this gets back to the Vulcans then it could seriously jeopardise our alliance with them," said Darwin.

"You killed a Klingon, I think that may be more of a danger to Earth's safety," said Archer.

"One dead Klingon won't start a war, as far as they're concerned he died a warrior's death in battle," said Darwin.

"I don't care how the Klingons see it. You murdered him!" said Archer, slamming his open hand down on the desk in anger.

"It was self-defence," replied Darwin, calmly. "I don't have the tricks or strength of your Vulcan friend. The only way to safely disable a Klingon as far as I'm concerned is to kill it. He wouldn't have hesitated to kill me if I'd given him the chance, Klingons fight to the death. It was because Trip forgot that, that he ended up getting hurt and I blame that on you, Captain. He's been so busy trying to fit in on this ship of yours that he's lost his edge. I don't enjoy killing, Captain, but occasionally there is no other way. That's what I taught my men. Ignoring the dangers of this universe won't make them go away."

"Don't lecture me on the dangers of the universe, Colonel," said Archer, with a cold edge to his voice. "I am well aware that there are times when taking a life is the only option, but this was not one of them."

"Trip might disagree with you there," said Darwin.

"Actually, I'm pretty damn sure that he'd be standing here telling you the exact same thing that I am," said Archer.

"It's a shame that he's lying in sick bay then," said Darwin, and he turned and left the ready room.

* * *

There was still no word from Phlox and it had been over two hours since they'd returned from Deneb IV. Archer had returned to the bridge after his interview with Darwin, but with no sign of the Klingons following them everything was quiet so he had gone back to his ready room and the paperwork that he knew he needed to catch up on. He looked at the monitor on his desk and noticed that he had messages. Most of them were daily reports and then he noticed one of the messages was from Trip, the time indicated that he'd sent it just before they left for the planet. He opened it and read it with a cold feeling settling inside his chest.

To: Captain Jonathan Archer, Commanding Officer, NX-01 Enterprise

Cc: Admiral Christopher Forrest, Starfleet Headquarters, Earth

From: Commander Charles Tucker III, Chief Engineer, NX-01 Enterprise

I hereby resign my position as Chief Engineer and my Starfleet commission as Commander, to be effective at the earliest possible date. It has been an honor and privilege to serve as Chief Engineer of Enterprise for the past three years, but, given recent revelations about my past service record, I am no longer able to continue. This has been a difficult decision for me and one that I hope you will respect.

I am willing to continue in my current position until a new appointment has been made. My recommendation for my replacement would be to promote Lieutenant Hess. She has demonstrated her ability to command on a number of occasions and has excellent engineering skills in addition to her detailed knowledge of Enterprise's systems.

Yours sincerely,

Commander Charles Tucker III

Damn, thought Archer. He just looked at the screen re-reading the words for a few moments, trying to let them sink in. This wasn't what he wanted. He couldn't let Trip do this to himself. Hadn't he told Trip that he didn't want his resignation. Archer might have a problem with some of the things that Trip had done in the past but that didn't mean he should deprive Enterprise of the best Engineer in the fleet. It was a measure of just how badly this had effected Trip that he was willing to give up the one thing that Archer knew he truly loved doing.

The letter was very formal, right down to the signature, and copied to Admiral Forrest, which meant that Trip was serious in his intent. He could almost hear the heartache behind the words. Now Trip lay in sick bay in critical condition after he'd tried to save Hoshi's life. On the shuttle he thought that he'd lost him and he had realised just how much Trip meant to him and what life would be like without him. It was inescapable, no matter how much he tried to hate Trip, he couldn't do it.

Instead of shutting Trip out he should have been there for him and supported him. When Darwin had recruited Trip he would have been twenty four. At that age Archer had been more concerned with going out drinking with his pilot buddies than protecting Earth. It was a lot of weight for young shoulders to carry and it would have been easy for a charismatic man like Darwin to persuade Trip that what he was doing was necessary. Archer had very little time for the MACO Colonel.

"Hoshi, get me Admiral Forrest," said Archer wearily, pressing the com button.

Archer sat back in his chair while he waited for Hoshi to get hold of the Admiral.

"Jon, I assume you're calling about Commander Tucker's resignation," said the Admiral when he appeared on the screen.

"Admiral, Commander Tucker is currently lying in sick bay being operated on by Doctor Phlox after he sustained a serious stab wound during our mission for Colonel Darwin." Archer filled Forrest in on all the details of the mission and exactly what had happened, including some of Trip's past with Special Projects. Forrest found some of the details hard to swallow but he knew better than to think Archer wasn't telling him the truth.

Archer looked directly at his commanding officer. "Sir, I know this point may be academic if the surgery isn't successful, but I want you to refuse his resignation."

"Why Jon? He sounds as if he wants to go and the last thing you want on your ship is a man who doesn't want to be there," said Forrest. "We'll be sorry to lose him but there isn't anything we can do if he really wants to leave."

"That's just it, I don't think he does really want to leave. I think he believes that he and I can no longer work together. He feels he somehow he has to pay for everything that he did while he was in Special Projects."

"Fine, Jon, I'll refuse it this time, but if he submits it again once he's back on his feet then I'll have no choice but to accept it," said Forrest.

"Thank you, sir," said Archer.

"I hope he pulls through, Jon," said Forrest.

"So do I, sir. I'll be sending you my full formal report on all this in the next few days. Archer out."

Archer went back to work on the reports which he had been neglecting the past few days. He was finding it very hard to concentrate though.

The com beeped and startled him. "Phlox to Archer."

"Go ahead doctor," said Archer, already fearing the worst.

"The news is mixed," said Phlox. "He survived the surgery but he went into cardiac arrest again while he was on the table, that doesn't bode well for his recovery. He is still in critical condition."

"What are his chances, doctor?"

"About forty percent," said Phlox. "The blood loss was substantial and he had injuries to his spleen, left kidney and small intestine. Klingon knives have two small, angled, side blades that snap out and allow it to cause maximum damage, which is exactly what it did. I am doing everything possible for him, Captain." Archer closed his eyes, unable to bear the pain of hearing how close Trip was to dying. His chances for survival were less than half. He made a decision.

"I'm coming down," said Archer. He didn't wait for Phlox's reply, he didn't care what the doctor had to say about it. Right now he needed to see Trip.

He arrived in sick bay to see one of the biobeds curtained off and he assumed that was where Trip was. He went over to the bed and willed himself to draw back the curtain. He saw Trip lying on the biobed completely motionless, looking more pale than he thought it was possible for any human to look. He had an oxygen mask over his face and several tubes ran into and out of his body. Blood dripped into his arm at a constant slow rate, but Archer knew it was probably too little too late.

Phlox appeared at his side as if from nowhere. "He is on his sixth unit," said Phlox. "Luckily we replenished out blood supply recently, but if this continues then I'll have to start asking the crew for donations."

"You can put me at the top of the list," said Archer.

"I would, if you were the same blood group, but you're B negative, the Commander is O positive," said Phlox. "The problem is that by replacing his blood we are depleting his clotting abilities. I am giving him drugs to help that but it's a constant battle."

Archer nodded, and noticed Trip's hand. "How did that happen?" he asked, "it wasn't from his fight with the Klingon."

"He dropped a glass last night," said Phlox.

"Last night?" asked Archer. Suddenly it dawned on him. "Antonia mentioned she tried to reach him through his dreams. I'm guessing any dreams involving a dead friend can't have been good. How long has he been having trouble sleeping?"

He knew Trip well enough to realise that if something had affected him deeply enough to make him tender his resignation, then it was likely it was also disrupting his sleep. After Elizabeth's death Trip had been plagued by bad dreams. It just hadn't occurred to Archer that this situation would also effect Trip that way. He'd been centred on his own feelings of betrayal and hurt, and his shock at discovering exactly who Trip was. He'd thought that the Trip he knew was just a front that the Engineer had been putting up for the benefit of those around him, but now he wasn't so sure.

"This particular incidence, I am guessing began after Colonel Darwin announced his visit," said Phlox. "He didn't come to me about it until two days ago. T'Pol and he were going to resume their neuropressure sessions."

"This particular incidence?" asked Archer.

"I think I would be betraying patient confidentiality if I told you anymore, Captain," said Phlox.

"How much longer until we know if he's going to make it?" asked Archer.

"It's hard to say, but if he can survive the night then I think he will stand a chance of pulling through," said Phlox.

"I'm staying with him," said Archer. "Whatever happens, I'm going to be here for him this time."

Phlox looked at the obviously worried man in front of him. He doubted that Archer would be able to work productively away from sick bay in any case. "If you wish, but I must ask you to stay out of my way if I need you to. I will get you a chair."

"Thanks, doctor," said Archer, he knew that in theory he was in charge of the ship, but he was under no illusions as to who had command in sick bay. "I'd better call T'Pol and let her know what's going on, her and Trip are pretty close."

Six hours later Archer still sat exactly where Phlox had placed the chair beside Trip's bed. Nothing much had changed, Trip was still in critical condition, except now he had been given several more units of blood. Colonel Darwin had come in to sick bay and he had looked just as worried as Archer felt. After spending a few minutes with Trip he had left, asking to be informed of any change in the Commander's condition. Archer remembered how angry Darwin had looked when Kartok had kicked Trip and Archer realised that the MACO Colonel was very concerned for Trip as a friend and not just one of his Special Projects team.

Phlox had in the end requested volunteers with O positive blood type from the crew to provide more transfusions for Trip. The queue had been out of the sick bay doors and around the corner. Lieutenant Reed had pushed to the front of the line in a very un-British manner, presented his arm to Phlox and told him to take as much blood as he needed. Phlox had admonished Reed for his lack of regard for his own health and taken a single unit, as he did with the other volunteers. Reed however had hung around and made sure that it was his blood that was given to Trip first.

T'Pol, as requested, had brought work for Archer to keep him occupied, but as before, he was finding it hard to concentrate. T'Pol had pulled up a chair, refusing Phlox's attempts to get her to leave, and spent some hours sitting beside Trip as well and had only recently departed to tend to her duties. Archer knew that he was neglecting those same duties but he wasn't going to leave until it became clear that Trip's condition was hopeless. Trip didn't seem to be doing any better, no matter how much blood and drugs Phlox pumped into him.

Phlox came into the main area of sick bay again. "Captain, it has been a long day for you. There is nothing that you can do for the moment so I suggest that you get some sleep."

"Phlox, I'm not going back to my quarters..." said Archer but Phlox stopped him.

"I said nothing about you returning to your quarters, there are plenty of free beds here," said Phlox. "You will not be any good to anyone if you let yourself get overtired."

"I guess you have a point," said Archer. Despite being tired he didn't know if he could sleep, but to please Phlox he took the bed next to Trip's and lay down. He was surprised when Phlox drew back the curtain around Trip's bed a little so that Archer could look across and see Trip. In a way Trip looked very peaceful, almost as if he was simply asleep, not fighting for his life. Reassured by the constant rise and fall of Trip's chest, Archer drifted off to sleep without really noticing what was happening.


	14. Chapter 14

Behind Blue Eyes

By Thalia Drogna

Author's note: Hope you all like the conclusion of this story. Thanks to everyone for reviewing and giving me your input.

* * *

No one knows what it's like  
To be the bad man  
To be the sad man  
Behind blue eyes

– Behind Blue Eyes, The Who

* * *

Hoshi sat in the near empty mess hall nursing a cup of mint tea. She didn't know how long she'd been sitting there but her tea was cold, which meant it had probably been a while. All she could feel was the cold knife of the Klingon at her throat, and all she could see was Trip being stabbed by the same knife, his red blood spilling out as he dropped to his knees.

Archer had dismissed her from the bridge to go and have her injuries seen to when he realised that in the rush to get Trip to sick bay and the possible Klingon attack, Hoshi's wounds had been neglected. The tiny cut at her throat had stopped bleeding by that point anyway and Hoshi wasn't sure that she really needed to go to sick bay at all, but Archer had insisted.

Phlox had still been operating on Trip when Hoshi arrived in sick bay so Liz Cutler had taken care of her injuries. Liz had cleaned the cut and put a dressing over it, she had also noted that Hoshi had sustained a knock to the head. It wasn't serious but Liz told her to come back immediately if she felt nauseous. She also told Hoshi that she was off duty for a day, just to make sure, as Liz put it.

So Hoshi found herself staring into the brown depths of her tea and not really focussing on anything, just willing her mind not to think about the knife. The D'k tahg. "Warrior's knife" in translation, there was no real English equivalent word for the three bladed knife. The Klingon word was as old as the weapon. She could recite it's etymology and think of dozens of Klingon sentences in which to use it. Tradition said that the weapon could not be drawn without drawing blood. She'd learnt the word never thinking that she'd ever see a real one or be on the receiving end of its blade.

"Is this seat taken?" asked a voice. Clipped phraseology, British accent, well, English accent to be precise; it had to be Malcolm. Hoshi analysed without even registering that she was doing it, but it was enough to derail her train of thought and make her notice Lieutenant Reed with his own mug of tea standing beside the table.

"No, Lieutenant," said Hoshi, "I could use some company. Any more news on the Commander?"

"Nothing good, he's still critical," said Reed, sitting down.

"I heard Phlox's call for blood donors, makes me sorry that I'm AB negative and can't help out," said Hoshi.

"There wasn't any shortage of people willing to donate," said Reed. "In fact that's why I'm here. Sweet tea and chocolate biccies is traditional after giving blood." Reed tried to smile warmly at Hoshi but he knew that neither of them felt very happy at the moment with Trip lying in sick bay at death's door.

"Malcolm, I need to ask you something," said Hoshi, looking up at Reed.

"What is it?" asked Reed, there was something in her voice that worried him.

"If you'd gone on the away mission instead of me, would Trip still have been hurt?" asked Hoshi.

"Hoshi..." said Reed with compassion in his tone, but Hoshi interrupted him to continue.

"I bet you wouldn't have let a Klingon grab you and hold a D'k tahg to your throat, would you?"

"Who knows what would have happened if I'd been there? You can play the what if game until the cows come home and never be any wiser. From what I heard, Trip made a mistake and that was why he was stabbed. He left a weapon within reach of an enemy. You can't blame yourself, Hoshi."

Darwin's words in the gym came back to him. The Colonel had told Archer that he didn't need to watch _him_, Reed had assumed that he meant Archer needed to watch Trip. Darwin obviously hadn't meant that he needed to watch Trip because he was out of control, but more because he was too much in control. It was as Trip said, once you stop listening to your instincts, you lose your edge in a fight, and when fighting a Klingon, that was dangerous. That was what Trip had done, when the moment had come to kill Kartok he had hesitated, looked for another way, and that had been all the Klingon needed to make his move. This was why Reed trained his men to disable not kill. Most people hesitated before they killed, unless of course you were a battle hardened MACO, but then Trip hadn't been that for many years now.

"Trip is still lying in sick bay though. I just felt so helpless, Malcolm," said Hoshi. "I want you to teach me how to fight."

"Hoshi, you've had the basic self-defence training," said Reed. "You already know how to fight."

"No, I know some basic moves that I can use in set situations," said Hoshi. "I want to learn how to fight properly, so that next time a Klingon comes at me I know what to do."

"He came at you from behind and held a knife to your throat, even I'd have trouble getting out of that one," said Reed.

"Fine, then teach me enough that I know what my own limitations are," said Hoshi.

Reed gave Hoshi an assessing look, trying to decide if she really was serious. "Okay," he said. "Tuesday night in the gym, nineteen hundred hours."

"Thank you," said Hoshi looking back down into the watery depths of her tea.

"Don't thank me yet, Ensign, you don't know what the training programme is like," said Reed.

T'Pol entered the mess hall. Unusually for T'Pol she seemed to be looking for someone and apparently that was them as she was coming towards them.

"Good evening, Sub-commander," said Reed. "Can I do something for you?"

"That is a possibility. I have something to ask of you," said T'Pol.

"You'd better sit down," said Reed. T'Pol inclined her head in acknowledgement and took the offered seat.

"I am considering performing the Has-mar Klashau," said T'Pol.

"The Has-mar Klashau?" asked Reed. Hoshi beside him was just nodding as if she understood what T'Pol had in mind.

"It is a traditional Vulcan ritual of vigil that is observed when a close friend is seriously ill. It is performed by three or four of those closest to the individual who is ill, therefore I am asking if you will join me in the ritual."

"Literally in Vulcan it means "to watch over the sick"," said Hoshi in explanation to Reed. "It's a very old Vulcan custom."

"It is the act of lending one's strength to the individual who is ill," said T'Pol. "The ancient Vulcans believed that by meditating on the individual it was possible to reach their mind and stimulate healing."

"What exactly does this ritual involve?" asked Reed, slightly sceptically. He'd never considered himself to be a spiritual person and he didn't really understand how a usually logical Vulcan could expect something as nebulous as a ritual to do any good.

"It is a simple meditation. It should be performed in a place which is important to the individual concerned, with an object to focus the thoughts about that individual on. Those participating in the ceremony should meditate on the sick person becoming well," said T'Pol.

"Well there isn't anything else that we can do for Trip at the moment," said Reed, wondering if he was going to regret this.

"There's only one place that we can do it," said Hoshi, looking at Reed.

"Engineering," said Reed. He was glad he hadn't had time to think about agreeing to this because he was pretty sure that when word about three senior officers meditating in the middle of Engineering got back to the Captain, there'd be some questions to answer.

An hour later the three officers sat on the deck plating in Engineering, tucked away beside the warp engine, forming the points of a triangle, with Trip's Go board sitting between them. All three sat in Vulcan meditation pose, eyes closed, cross legged, hands resting on their knees. They concentrated hard on Trip becoming well and what he meant to them. Once the Engineering staff had been informed exactly what they were trying to do, there had been no question of interruption.

* * *

Archer got the shock of his life when he opened his eyes to find the biobed next to his empty.

"Trip?" he asked, sitting up quickly. "Doctor?"

Sick bay was unusually quiet, something wasn't right. He got off the biobed and went looking for Phlox. Then the doors to sick bay opened and in walked Antonia.

"You again," said Archer. "I suppose that means this is all a dream and I'll wake up in minute."

"Not exactly," said Antonia, her silver skin glistening under the sick bay lights.

"I'm beginning to think that's your favourite phrase," said Archer.

"I find that it fits a lot of situations in life," said Antonia.

"So if I'm not dreaming, then what am I doing?" he asked.

"I'm just borrowing your dream state to communicate with you. This is one of the ways that the Builder's plane intersects with yours," said Antonia. "The Builders removed my powers temporarily and won't let me return to your world, so this is the only way that I can help."

"Where's Trip?" asked Archer.

"Not here," said Antonia. "He's created his own personal hell to reside in."

"Antonia," said Archer in a warning tone. "What do you mean?"

"That's why I'm here actually," said Antonia. "I'm hoping that you can pull him out of it."

"Pull him out of what?" asked Archer.

"Can you feel that?" asked Antonia, going off at a tangent.

"What?" asked Archer, but there was _something_, almost as if the air had become slightly warmer around him.

"T'Pol, Hoshi and Malcolm," said Antonia. "They're performing a Vulcan healing vigil. It's working but I'm not sure if it will be enough."

"A Vulcan healing vigil?" asked Archer. "How will that help?"

"Never underestimate the power of the mind, Captain," said Antonia, "especially the Vulcan mind when it is focused and supported as T'Pol's is now."

"What about Trip?" asked Archer impatiently.

"I'll take you to him," said Antonia. "Follow me."

"Where are we going?" asked Archer.

"Engineering. Where else? It is the centre of his world. Resigning was probably the hardest thing that he has ever had to do," said Antonia.

Archer followed Antonia down to Engineering. The scene that greeted them when they entered Engineering was unbelievable. Instead of the ordered, pristine engine room which Archer had left on the real Enterprise he was faced with chaos. It looked like it had when Enterprise had been in space dock, everything was in pieces. The warp engine had been dismantled completely and now lay in its component parts, scattered across the deck. There working on the pieces of the engine was Trip, a hydrospanner in one hand and some pieces of the engine in the other.

"I have to fix it," said Trip, to himself. "I have to fix it. Got to put it back together."

"It's a typical anxiety pattern," said Antonia.

"You're a psychiatrist now too," said Archer.

"When you can read people's minds, you pick things up," said Antonia with a shrug. "Of course like most dreams this is just a metaphor for what's really wrong."

"He's been feeling that everything has fallen apart around him," said Archer.

"Exactly," said Antonia. "I'm afraid Trip isn't very subtle."

"No, he never has been. Subtlety is not one of his strong suits," said Archer.

"If you can persuade him to heal mentally then his physical form will stand a better chance," said Antonia. "It's like I said about T'Pol's ritual, the mind is a powerful thing. I'm afraid that's all I can do, I've pointed you in the right direction." With that Antonia disappeared.

"Hey!" said Archer, "how am I meant to snap him out of this?" he asked the space where Antonia had just stood.

Antonia reappeared. "Get him back to sick bay and T'Pol's ritual will do the rest. His mind is going round in circles at the moment, he should be concentrating on healing and instead he's trying to fix this. If you can get him back to sick bay it will concentrate his mind on getting well. Now, go," said Antonia and she disappeared again.

"Trip," said Archer approaching the Engineer. "I need you to stop that and come with me."

"I have to fix this," said Trip.

"Trip, it isn't really broken," said Archer.

"Yes, it is, look at it," said Trip, indicating the engine in front of him, "the whole damned thing's in pieces." He sat down on the steps that led up to the warp engine controls, even though the controls themselves were now broken down to their components.

"This isn't real," said Archer, sitting down beside Trip.

"Oh this is real, and I made a mess of things as per usual," said Trip. Archer realised that Trip wasn't aware that this was a dream.

"Trip, you aren't really here, this is a dream. You were injured when we went down to Deneb," said Archer.

"Nah, I'm fine. It's the engine that needs fixing," said Trip.

"I'm telling the truth," said Archer. "At the moment you're lying in sick bay, unconscious."

"If I'm dreaming, what are you doing here?" asked Trip.

"Antonia set it up for us, she wanted to help," said Archer.

"I thought you weren't speaking to me," said Trip.

"Just forget all that," said Archer, "I need to get you back to sick bay." Behind him something which Trip had recently repaired fell apart onto the deck plating with a crash.

"I need to fix this," said Trip and he picked up his tool kit and went over to the engine again.

"Please, Trip, you have to listen to me," said Archer, following Trip. "Enterprise needs you."

"I know Enterprise needs me," said Trip. "I'm doing my best to hold her together, but with everything falling apart it isn't easy."

"It isn't just Enterprise which needs you, the crew does too. Phlox asked for volunteers from the crew to give blood, to help you get better. There wasn't a single person of your blood type who didn't report to sick bay," said Archer.

"Really?" asked Trip, pausing in what he was doing.

"Really," said Archer. He watched in amazement as in front of them, pieces of the engine flew together and fixed themselves.

"That's mighty nice of folks, but I've still got a lot of work to do here," said Trip.

"You have a lot of friends who need you, Trip. Malcolm told Phlox to take as much blood as he needed to get you well again," said Archer. "He pushed to the front of the line so that he could donate first. He said something about rank having it's privileges."

"Malcolm did that for me?" asked Trip. "I knocked him flat on his ass just a couple of days ago."

"Malcolm is really concerned for you," said Archer. "He values your friendship."

More pieces of the engine magically moved into place and mended themselves.

"And T'Pol persuaded him and Hoshi into performing some sort of Vulcan healing ceremony to help you get well," said Archer.

"I never understood why a Vulcan would want to help me. She's been great with the neuropressure sessions as well. We seem to be getting along better these days, but every time I think I've got through to her she still pushes me away," said Trip.

"T'Pol thinks very highly of you," said Archer. "Being a Vulcan she doesn't show it like you or I would, but I know that she considers you to be her friend. You don't do three neuropressure sessions a week for someone if you don't care about them."

"You may have a point there," said Trip. The sound of metal moving against metal indicated that yet more parts of the engine were coming together behind them. It was nearly there now, almost completely rebuilt.

"Come on, Trip, let's go take you to sick bay," said Archer.

"Sorry, Captain, I can't go until it's completely fixed," said Trip. "I need to repair one last thing."

Archer had known this was going to be tough, but he hadn't expected to have to bare his soul in order to save Trip's life. Archer looked at his feet. "It's been hard for me to come to terms with who you really are, but I think I can see my way past this. I know I told you that friendship was all about trust but I think I forgot that it isn't just about trust. Friendship is about taking the good with the bad, and being there for each other when you really need it. I can't say that I did that for you recently."

"You had every right to be pissed, Captain," said Trip. "I kept a lot of things from you and maybe if I'd told you sooner we wouldn't have had a problem, it would just have been who I was. And even ignoring the fact that I lied and kept secrets, there's still the matter of everything that Special Projects did. You know that it's been tearing me apart, all the people that died because of us or that I killed. I'd pushed it down so far that I'd almost tricked myself into believing it didn't happen. And then Colonel Darwin called us in for this mission and suddenly everything was right back on the surface again. The guilt and pain of all those deaths, it's just unbearable some days."

"It think you proved that you aren't a killer anymore," said Archer. "You could have killed Kartok but you didn't. It was sheer bad luck that you ended up getting hurt."

"Or stupidity," said Trip. "If I'd killed him when I had the chance then I wouldn't be in this mess. Maybe the Colonel was right, sometimes killing is the only way."

"No, it's never the only way," said Archer. "There's always an alternative, but sometimes that alternative has a price and you have to decide whether you're willing to pay it. When I ordered Malcolm to destroy the lookout post on the moon of Azati prime I knew that our other option was to let them discover us. I was weighing our lives against theirs. We would probably have been killed if the Xindi had discovered us then, but we wouldn't have had blood on our hands. But I couldn't let Enterprise be destroyed with the future of the human race resting on us. It wasn't a price I was willing to pay to keep my morals intact. So you see, there is always another way, but sometimes the price is too high."

Trip nodded. "And I guess this is my price," said Trip. "My life, for atonement and redemption."

"You don't have to die," said Archer. "Phlox and T'Pol are doing everything that they can. Just please come back to sick bay with me. I don't want to lose you."

With that final phrase the engine became whole again and Trip looked at Archer with a new light in his eyes.

"Okay, let's go to sick bay," said Trip.

Archer led Trip through the corridors of the dream Enterprise. The ship was laid out exactly as it was in reality. Trip probably knew the ship's schematics backwards, forwards and sideways, it wasn't really surprising that even in his dreams Enterprise should appear precisely as it was in real life. They arrived at sick bay and Trip went to the bed where he had been lying before back in the real sick bay. He lay back down and closed his eyes, and suddenly he was just as Archer had left him, enmeshed in medical equipment and plastic tubing.

"Sleep well, Trip," said Archer and he retook his own place on the biobed beside his friend. He closed his eyes, and when he opened them he was back in sick bay. This time it was the real sick bay, there were the familiar chirps of Phlox's animals and the clicks and beeps of the medical machinery that kept Trip alive.

"Ah you're awake," said Phlox.

"What time is it?" asked Archer.

"About eight o'clock in the morning," said Phlox. "You slept through the night, although you did seem to be having some interesting dreams."

Archer sat bolt upright. "I dreamt that Antonia told me I had to talk to Trip to help him recover. He was in the engine room and the engine was in pieces. I told him how much he meant to us and that fixed the engine. Then I got him back to sick bay and it was just like he is now. It was weird."

"The human mind is a complicated thing," said Phlox.

"How's he doing?" asked Archer.

"I was just about to wake you, his vital signs have stabilised," said Phlox. "Which is a good sign. I think he may have turned a corner."

"He doesn't look much better," said Archer.

"Actually he's doing better than I expected. Perhaps it has something to do with T'Pol's Vulcan healing ritual," said Phlox.

"Vulcan healing ritual?" asked Archer. "With Malcolm and Hoshi?"

"Yes, how did you know? She only told me after you'd fallen asleep," said Phlox.

"My dream," said Archer. "Antonia told me. Maybe it wasn't just a dream after all."

"Given the other things that we've seen Antonia do, and the fact that the Commander told me she spoke to him in a dream as well, it is a distinct possibility."

"She said that Trip was preoccupied with his emotions and not concentrated on healing. Antonia said that if I managed to persuade him to listen to me then T'Pol's healing ritual would do the rest," said Archer.

"I think she may have been right. There was a turning point last night but since then he has been getting steadily better," said Phlox. "He's not out of danger yet, but if he continues to improve then he should make a complete recovery."

"Where is T'Pol?" asked Archer.

"I believe she's still down in engineering with Hoshi and Lieutenant Reed," said Phlox.

"Why engineering?" asked Archer.

"That's where they were performing the healing ritual," said Phlox. "T'Pol mentioned that it should be somewhere important to the individual who is being healed."

"I think they picked the right place," said Archer. "It's where Trip's most at home."

An alarm sounded from the direction of Trip's bed. Phlox moved rapidly to check the monitors.

"What is it?" asked Archer, worriedly, jumping off the biobed.

"He's waking up," said Phlox. He noticed the change in Archer's expression from worry to happiness. "Don't get your hopes up too high, he's going to be very groggy and probably a bit confused. Not only that but he still has a long way to go before he's going to be well again."

"Doctor, at the moment, I'll take any improvement that I can get," said Archer. For the first time since he'd entered sick bay he saw Trip make a move other than the rise and fall of his chest. His left hand closed and opened. He went to Trip's side and took Trip's hand in his own. "Come on Trip, you can do this."

Blue eyes slowly worked their way open and then closed quickly, hurt by the bright lights of sick bay. Phlox lowered the lights a little.

"Try again, Trip," said Archer. "The lights shouldn't be as bad now."

Once again the eyes opened and this time they blinked and stayed open. He moved his head stiffly and looked around him in confusion. His eyes rested on Archer and blinked, questioningly.

"Welcome back to the land of the living," said Archer.

Trip licked his lips but his mouth was dry. He swallowed, in the hope that would help ease the dryness, but instead he realised that his throat was equally dry. There was a mask over his nose and mouth, which felt strange. He started to raise his right hand to remove the annoyance but another hand stopped him from reaching the mask. He tried to move but found his shoulder was being held down and given his weakened state that was quite enough to keep him lying down, plus the fact that his stomach hurt like hell at even that small attempt. He winced with the sharp pain it produced.

He tried to recall memories of what had happened but nothing seemed to be forthcoming. He'd gone down to the planet to destroy the black hole generator. He remembered going to the shuttle to get the relay and then coming back through the rain, and then everything got blurry. Something was very wrong, what had happened to him and why was he in sick bay? Then it hit him, Klingons. There had been Klingons on the planet and one of them had stabbed him. He suddenly very much wanted to get up but the pain stopped him and once again he felt hands on his shoulders gently restraining him.

"Just lie still, Commander," said Phlox. "You sustained a very nasty stab wound to your stomach and I had to operate to repair some of the organ damage. You're going to have to take things easy for a while."

He tried to produce some words but he only managed a dry croak hardly audible through the oxygen mask. "Thirsty."

"I'm sorry but you can't have anything by mouth at the moment," said Phlox, "but I can moisten your lips."

Trip closed his eyes, he was unbelievably tired. He didn't think that was possible considering he'd only just woken up. He felt Phlox remove the oxygen mask and something cold, damp and soothing against his dry lips. Then the mask was replaced and he sank back into a comfortable unconsciousness.

"He's asleep," said Phlox.

"At least he was back with us for a bit," said Archer.

"I'm certain it will be longer next time and he should get more lucid, although the pain medication won't be helping that at the moment," said Phlox.

"This is good though, right?" said Archer.

"Oh yes," said Phlox. "I should call T'Pol and tell her that she can conclude her ritual."

"I'll tell her myself," said Archer. "Call me when he wakes up again."

Archer left sick bay, taking one last look back at Trip as he did so. Something had changed. Trip was still looking just as pale and ill as before but now Archer knew that there was hope. He headed down to Engineering and after enquiring with one of Trip's staff, he located his three officers. They sat in perfect silence and stillness beside the warp engine while the business of Engineering went on around them. All three had their eyes closed and they sat in the traditional Vulcan meditation pose.

Archer approached them slowly almost not wishing them to disturb them. But he didn't think they would mind being disturbed for the news that he had.

"T'Pol," said Archer. "It worked. Trip woke up."

Three pairs of eyes flew open and blinked at him in unison. Archer felt as if he had just intruded upon something very private or broken a spell of some type. None of them looked exactly as if they were looking at him, more through him.

"Has-mar Klashau kesau ho-rah shaht," said T'Pol. Archer had no idea what that meant and he looked at Hoshi questioningly. He knew that she spoke perfect Vulcan.

Instead of Hoshi explaining though, Archer was extremely surprised when Hoshi and Reed responded with one voice.

"My'tyez nam-tor."

The three stood, T'Pol picking up the Go board that had sat between them this whole time. They all looked tired and like they'd had a hard night.

"Trip's awake?" said Reed, the first to speak a word of English.

"He went back to sleep again fairly quickly," said Archer. "But this time it's real sleep. The Doctor's confident that he's on the mend. He might not be completely with us for a couple of days but he's on his way back to us. Would one of you tell me what all that meant?"

"It is the conclusion of the ritual and the breaking of the ties," said T'Pol.

"Breaking of the ties?" asked Archer.

"During the ritual one mind leads the others in lending strength to the person who is ill. Our minds are in synchronisation during the ritual until the leader of the ritual breaks the link. I simply said that the ritual had been responded to and that it was finished."

"We replied that it was completed," said Hoshi.

Archer looked at his three officers, wondering what to make of what had just happened. He knew for a fact that Reed didn't speak a word of Vulcan and he had been slightly surprised to hear that T'Pol and Hoshi had persuaded the level headed Armoury Officer to take part in it. If he had known that in sick bay Trip had just mumbled in his sleep "my'tyez nam-tor" he would have been even more perplexed by the whole thing.

* * *

Archer had been right, Trip didn't properly regain consciousness for a few days, but he drifted in and out of sleep becoming more lucid each time he came back to the real world. If he had been more cognisant of his surroundings then he would have seen that Captain Archer, T'Pol, Lieutenant Reed and Hoshi spent considerable amounts of time sitting beside his bed.

On the fourth day, Trip awoke and didn't immediately feel like falling asleep again. He also knew where he was and the oxygen mask was gone.

"Trip," said Reed when he saw that his friend was awake. "Glad you could join me," he said with a slight smile. He expected Trip to mutter something incoherent and then fall back to sleep after a little while as he had done previously, but he didn't. Trip's eyes now had awareness behind them rather than pain and incomprehension.

"Malcolm," whispered Trip. "How long have I been here?"

"Three and a half days," said Reed. "You had us really worried for a bit, you know. Next time you go on an away mission, try not to get stabbed by an angry Klingon."

"I'll try to remember that," said Trip, with a slight smile. It was weaker than his usual grin but it was the best smile that Reed had ever seen.

"You been here all that time?" asked Trip.

"No," said Reed. "We've all been taking turns, the Captain, T'Pol, Hoshi. Phlox didn't want you waking up alone."

"The Captain?" asked Trip. He remembered something about that. When he'd first woken up, Archer had been there, he thought, but he'd also been there before. But how could Trip possibly know that Archer had been there whilst he'd been unconscious?

"Yes, Captain Archer has been here the most of any of us," said Reed.

"I thought he didn't want me around anymore," said Trip.

"We need to have a talk about that," said a voice from the doorway. Trip instantly recognised it as the Captain and turned his head to see Archer standing in front of the doors into sick bay. "I thought I told you that I didn't want your resignation. You never did listen."

Great, thought Trip, I get stabbed and I'm still in trouble with the Captain, probably more now for being so stupid. "I'm sorry Captain, but I still think it's best if I leave," he said, his voice still sounded weak even to his own ears. It hadn't come out as quite the confident and definite statement that he'd wanted.

"I think I'd better go," said Reed. "I have some phase pistols to...erm clean." He knew it was a flimsy excuse but he got the impression that these two men needed some space in order to mend their broken friendship. "I'll be back later, Trip."

Trip nodded and even managed to lift his arm a little to give Reed a wave. There was silence for a moment as Archer looked at Trip. The Engineer had been getting steadily better the past couple of days but that hadn't stopped him from worrying about the pale form that lay on the biobed. Trip was still very weak. Archer took a deep breath and decided that he just needed to tell Trip what he had to say.

"Trip, the Admiral refused your resignation," said Archer.

"Why? Why would he do that?" asked Trip, completely baffled. Surely the Admiral knew that it would be better if Trip left.

"I asked him to," said Archer.

"I don't understand," said Trip. "I thought after everything that I've done, you'd be happy to see me go."

"I asked him to refuse it because when you were hurt I realised just how much your friendship meant to me and then I realised that I wasn't the only one who'd miss you if you left Enterprise." said Archer. He sat down and told Trip about everything which had happened while he'd been unconscious, the queue to give blood, the Vulcan healing ritual and his dream in which Antonia had appeared to him.

"I thought that was just a dream," said Trip, "you talking to me in the Engine room, saying the stuff that I'd hoped you were going to say."

"Well if it was a dream, I had the same one," said Archer. "Please tell me that this is the only dark secret in your past. I don't think I can take any more revelations, I'll be a nervous wreck."

"This is it, Captain. You know the real me now," said Trip.

"I have to tell you that the Admiral said he would accept your resignation if you resubmitted it once you were back on your feet," said Archer. "I know how deeply this has affected you, brought things to the surface that you'd rather forget, but you're still needed here, Trip. I want you to stay and I'm asking that as your friend and not as your Commanding Officer."

Trip shook his head. "I'm honoured to have your friendship, sir, but to be honest I don't deserve it, never did. Even if you've forgiven me for what I did, I still killed all those people, the Faranoans..."

"Trip, I'm sorry," said Archer interrupting, "I should have told you sooner. The Faranoans aren't dead, they ascended like the builders. Antonia told me."

"They're not dead?" asked Trip in disbelief.

"No, they're not dead," said Archer. He guessed that this was something that would take his friend a little while to process. It had been part of his life for so long that to be suddenly told he'd been carrying the guilt for no reason was a huge thing to take in.

"But there were others," said Trip, finally after a long silent moment.

"I know, Trip, and you're going to have to live with that, nothing can change what happened. But it was ten years ago and I realised when you leapt in to save Hoshi from Kartok that you aren't a cold blooded killer. I'm not even sure that you ever really were, you just did what you had to do to survive. Darwin was the one who destroyed the asteroid, Darwin was the one who gave the orders to kill, he's the one who was behind this."

"Yeah, but you know as well as I do that following orders isn't an excuse. We have an obligation to question an order if we think it's wrong," said Trip.

"I think it's enough that you're questioning them now," said Archer. "None of us are the people we were ten years ago. I'm certainly not. You can still do a lot of good out here, and this is where you belong. On Enterprise."

If Trip had been able to then he would have been staring at his feet, instead he could only look at the ceiling. "There are those injector upgrades that I've been meaning to get to..." he said.

"Now that is more like the Trip Tucker that I know," said Archer.

* * *

Phlox had insisted that Trip get out of bed as soon as he could after he woke up properly, but he wouldn't let Trip do more than a few steps before he returned him to his bed. According to Phlox, getting up and walking would reduce the risk of blood clots. The first couple of times Phlox helped him out of bed, Trip was very glad that Phlox didn't expect more from him.

With Phlox's help he worked up to managing a lap of sick bay, which usually wore him out completely. It was frustrating, always being so tired but it was getting better. He had to be careful even when lying down because if he moved too quickly then he had a tendency to black out, and that usually earned him a telling off from Phlox for not requesting help when he needed it. He had never realised just how much he used his stomach muscles until every movement reminded him with the pain it caused him, but he was determined to get better.

It was two weeks before Trip was allowed out of sick bay and then it was another two weeks before he could manage to walk any distance on his own. Luckily there was no shortage of people who were either happy to allow him to lean on them while he shuffled along, or push him around in the wheelchair, which Phlox had produced, when he actually needed to get somewhere quickly.

Despite Phlox's promise to incarcerate him in sick bay if he set foot in Engineering before he was released to duty, Trip had already been down to check that his precious engine really was still in one piece. So far no one had told tales on him to Phlox and he still had his freedom. After the past four weeks he was desperate to get back to duty and do some work, but the doctor kept on pointing out that he'd sustained a serious wound and it didn't get better overnight. Trip knew that, but it didn't help the fact that he was used to being active and sitting around doing nothing was annoying him.

He still had another week of enforced sick leave to go when Colonel Darwin left Enterprise at Sigma. The Colonel was anxious to get back to Earth and was certain that, given the number of trade routes, he'd be able to pick up a transport back from Sigma. Despite everything, Trip was sorry to see him go and T'Pol took him to the airlock so that he could see the Colonel off.

Trip snapped a salute off as best he could with the wound still bothering him. Darwin returned it with precision, his lips forming a slight smile at Trip's persistence. T'Pol stood a discreet distance away, there if Trip needed her but trying not to be too obvious about it.

"I know it wasn't the best of circumstances, but I'm glad we could get together," said Darwin. "Make sure you listen to that doctor of yours and get well soon. Don't try to do too much too soon. Kanatova would have my hide if she knew what I'd let happen to you."

"I don't seem to remember anyone holding a gun to my head when I went in there," said Trip.

"No, they were holding it to Hoshi's head," said Darwin. "Which was probably more likely to get you to do something stupid."

"Yeah, I know," said Trip. "No one ever said I made a good soldier."

"That's because you're a good man and good men don't do well as soldiers. It's only us bastards who can carry it off," said Darwin. "You're a fine engineer and that's all that matters as far as I'm concerned. I'm sorry that all this let the cat out of the bag."

"It was probably for the best, it would have come out sooner or later," said Trip.

"Maybe," said Darwin. "Just don't let too many people in on the secret. We still have enemies out there who'd like to see us all dead. I bet Kartok would like to take his revenge on your Captain. Watch your back and don't lose your edge."

"As paranoid as ever," said Trip.

"Paranoid, but still alive," replied Darwin. "Take care."

"I will," said Trip. He watched the airlock door close behind the Colonel, and for the second time in his life he wondered if he'd ever see Darwin again.

* * *

One month later Lieutenant Reed arranged to meet Trip in the gym. Trip assumed this was for one of their regular re-training sessions. They'd been taking things slowly until Trip was completely healed, but he had just been given the all clear by the doctor, so Reed had promised him a surprise.

Reed stood on the mat in the centre of the gym with Hoshi.

"Hey Malcolm, Hoshi," said Trip. "What's all this about then?"

"Trip, meet your new pupil, Hoshi," said Reed.

"Pupil? Malcolm, I'm really not sure that this is a good idea," said Trip.

"Nonsense, it's perfect. Hoshi wants to learn martial arts and you need to practise your skills. One of the best ways to prove to yourself that you know something is to teach it to someone else," said Reed.

"Malcolm, we're not talking about scrabble here. You know what I can do, I could hurt her," said Trip.

"Hey, I'm sure that I can look after myself," said Hoshi indignantly. Reed gave her a quick look which told her to keep quiet. She hadn't really believed that Trip was as good as Reed said but if it would help him then she'd do it.

"Well I wasn't intending on leaving you two alone together to begin with," said Reed. "I'll observe you for the first few sessions but after that I want you to carry on alone. We've been working hard on your technique and I'm sure that you can do this. Now come on, we don't have all day for this. I would like to get to dinner this evening before all the Spaghetti Carbonara is gone."

"Fine," said Trip, realising when he was beaten. Chef's Spaghetti Carbonara was legendary and he didn't want to miss it either, which he suspected Reed knew. "Okay Hoshi, show me what you've got."

Reed watched as Trip blocked Hoshi's inexpert attacks cautiously, but as before his technique was almost flawless. Once Trip had an idea of what Hoshi knew then he began to correct her stance and start the real work of teaching. Reed knew as he watched the two of them that he'd done the right thing, using his skills to help someone was just what Trip needed. It wouldn't do Hoshi's confidence any harm either to improve her combat skills.

None of the three of them noticed a silver skinned figure watching them from the corner of the gym. "My'tyez nam-tor" she said, smiled and vanished.

* * *

The End

* * *


End file.
